Velvet Kisses(60)
Marley Jackson
My Life in Men
The sexual life and times of a college coed.
How’s that? I turn the screen, so they can take a gander.
“Coed?” Baya raises a brow. “When you said memoir, I thought you might be publishing this at sixty.”
Izzy scowls. “Eighty would be too soon.” She’s got the protective big sister thing down pat, I’ll give her that. Although, ironically, my own big sister would be cheering me on.
“Neither,” I say turning the laptop back my way. “I’m thinking something along the lines of a year or two, you know—I’ll have to fund my post-graduate school life somehow.” There is no greater truth. The paychecks I’m getting from Capwell, Inc. aren’t huge, but this girl hasn’t had ramen in a month, so I’m not knocking them either.
Annie looks horrified. “And how many subjects do you plan on taking on in your four short years at Whitney Briggs?”
“Six? Ten? I don’t know. Originally I thought I’d cap it at twelve.” Twelve. That’s like ten away from Wyatt. My stomach churns at the prospect. I can’t imagine sleeping with anyone else, at least not anyone else as wonderful as Wyatt both in and out of the sack. Just the thought makes me feel like I’m cheating on him, or more accurately on our contract. “But then Baya suggested the baker’s dozen, so it’s thirteen, and it’s settled.”
Both Annie and Izzy gape at Baya in horror.
If she’s throwing me under the bus with this love bull crap, I’ll gladly pull her right down with me. How’s the view of the fender, sweetheart?
“Subject One: The Great Imitator,” I whisper as I type. “It’s true, Will was just imitating a man. I just didn’t know it until I had a real one to compare him to. Scratch that. I think he’s best known as Ancient History.”
Subject One: Ancient History
Quantity and Variety: Ancient History and I had a few sparse, non-memorable encounters. Although the subject had full belief he was able to enforce an assortment of carnal pleasures, the positions were often forced, and not a lot of energy was put into the endeavor. Unfortunately I had to F-A-K-E the big O on several occasions just to convince myself that he cared enough that I had one. His body wasn’t up to par due to his age, and his man parts were most definitely lacking. Even in my inexperience, I knew he wasn’t up to the challenge, but a part of me kept believing things would get better. Optimism be damned, they did not.
Positives: He could be tenacious once things got going.
Negatives: He would expend said tenacious energy on trying to work whatever position best pleasured him. I knew this was a one-sided affair from the first night he took me to his place.
On a scale of one to ten (one being a mental plea for my virginity), I give Ancient History, negative five. The subject is unaware of how vitally he sucketh at the art of lovemaking. It’s comical to think he can make a career of this if need be.
“Would you stop?” Baya closes my laptop.
Annie groans. “That was truly disturbing.”
“We’d better go,” Baya hoists me up. “We’ve got a date with Professor Nicholson, and we can’t be late.”
We say goodbye to Annie and Izzy and head toward the rabbit hole, otherwise known as the business department, and then I spot them—Cat Alice and Will, tongue tied right in Founder’s Square.
Knew it.
* * *
My feet carry me in their direction without my full permission, and Baya is quick to stop me.
“Oh, no you don’t. You’re over that worm, remember?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m finished with him.” I shoot a mean eye to Cat Alice who still has her mouth fused over his like she’s trying to resuscitate him. She might need to when I’m through with him, but that’s not the point.
She swore she didn’t want anything to do with Will—called him pig vomit when we started going out and now look who’s lapping it up?
“I have to go. Trust me, it’s a good thing, like lancing a wound to get all the puss out.” Cat Alice is one infection I want out of my system now and forever. “I’ll meet you in class.”
“Sorry, sister, but something tells me you’ll need back up—and maybe a hose.” Baya traipses behind me, struggling to keep up.
“Well, what a shocker!” I shout in an effort to pierce through their grunting. And, sadly, instead of sounding ironic in a pissed off sort of way, the words warble in the wind making me come across as genuinely surprised and pathetic.
Will jumps back. His face bleaches out, pale as plaster as he blinks at me like a startled child. He always did make it a point to let me know he couldn’t stand her. It’s pretty obvious that was just a cover.