From Blood and Ash(30)

Friend.

I wanted so very badly to believe that we were—that we’d be that if she weren’t bound to me. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. It’s just that…I’ve done a lot of things I shouldn’t do, but this…this is different. I thought if I didn’t say anything, it would, I don’t know…”

“Go away? That the gods wouldn’t know?” Tawny shook her head. “If the gods know now, they knew then, Poppy.”

“I know,” I whispered, feeling terrible, but I couldn’t tell her why I’d kept it to myself. I didn’t want to hurt her, and I sensed that this would. I wouldn’t need my touch to know that.

“I’ll forgive you for not telling me if you tell me what happened in very, very graphic detail,” she said.

I cracked a grin, and then I did just that. Well, almost that. As I slowly unhooked my veil and draped it across my lap, I told her how I’d come about to be in the room with him and how he thought I was Britta. I told her how he offered to do whatever I wanted once he realized that I wasn’t her, and that he’d asked me to wait for him to return. But I didn’t tell her how he’d kissed me elsewhere.

Tawny stared at me with more awe than even Agnes had when she realized I was the Maiden. “Oh, my gods, Poppy.”

I nodded slowly.

“I so wish you’d stayed.”

“Tawny.” I sighed.

“What? You can’t say you don’t wish you’d stayed. Not just a little bit.”

I couldn’t say that.

“I bet you wouldn’t be a Maiden any longer if you had.”

“Tawny!”

“What?” She laughed. “I’m kidding, but I bet you’d barely be a Maiden. Tell me, did you…enjoy it? The kissing?”

I bit down on my lip, almost wishing that I could lie. “Yes. I did.”

“Then why are you so upset that he’s your guard?”

“Why? Your hormones must be clouding your rational thought.”

“My hormones are always clouding my rational thought, thank you very much.”

I snorted. “He’s going to recognize me. He has to once he hears me speak, right?”

“I imagine.”

“What if he goes to the Duke and tells him that I was at the Red Pearl? That I…allowed him to kiss me?” And do more, but at this point, the kissing would be bad enough. “He has to be one of the youngest Royal Guards, if not the youngest. It’s clear he’s interested in advancement, and what better way to secure that than to gain the Duke’s favor. You know how his favorite guards or staff are treated! They’re practically treated better than those on the Court.”

“I don’t think he has an interest in gaining His Grace’s favor,” she argued. “He said you were beautiful.”

“I’m sure he was just being kind.”

She stared at me as if I’d admitted to snacking on dog hair. “First off, you are beautiful. You know that—”

“I’m not saying that to fish for compliments.”

“I know, but I felt the overwhelming need to remind you of such.” She gave me a quick, broad smile. “He didn’t have to say anything in response to the Duke being a general ass.”

My lips twitched.

“He could’ve just ignored it and proceeded on to the Royal Guard oath, which, by the way, he made sound like…sex.”

“Yes,” I admitted, thinking I wouldn’t have realized that before the night in the Red Pearl. “Yes, he did.”

“I almost needed to fan myself, just so you know. But back to the more important part of this development. Do you think he’s already recognized you?”

“I don’t know.” I let my head fall back against the seat. “I wore a mask that night, and he didn’t remove it, but I think I would recognize someone in or out of a mask.”

She nodded. “I would like to think that I would, and I would definitely hope that a Royal Guard would.”

“Then that means he chose not to say anything.” He hadn’t said anything as both Vikter and he had escorted us to my chambers. “Although, he might not have recognized me. It was dimly lit in that room.”

“If he didn’t, then I imagine he will when you speak, as you said. It’s not like you can be completely silent every time you’re around him,” she stated. “That would be suspicious.”

“Obviously.”

“And odd.”

“Agreed.” I toyed with the chains on the veil. “I don’t know. Either he didn’t, or he did and chose not to say anything. Maybe he’s planning to lord it over my head or something.”

Her brows slammed down. “You’re an incredibly suspicious person.”

I started to deny that but realized I couldn’t. I wisely moved along. “He probably just didn’t recognize me.” A weird mixture of relief and disappointment mingled with a thrill of anticipation. “You know what?”

“What?”

“I don’t know if I’m relieved or disappointed that he didn’t recognize me. Or if I’m excited that he might have.” Shaking my head, I laughed. “I just don’t know, but it doesn’t matter. What…what happened between us was one time only. It was just this…thing. It can’t happen again.”

“Sure,” she murmured.

“Not that I’m even thinking he’d want to do any of that again, especially now that he knows it was me. If he does.”

“Uh-huh.”

“But what I’m trying to say is that it’s not a thing to even consider. What he does with the knowledge is the only thing that matters,” I finished with a nod.

Tawny looked as if she were seconds away from clapping. “You know what I think?”

“I’m half afraid to hear it.”

Her brown eyes glimmered. “Things are about to get so much more exciting around here.”





Chapter 12





Early afternoon, the following day, I sat in the airy, sun-drenched atrium with Tawny and not one but two Ladies in Wait, wondering how I’d ended up in this situation.

My trips outside my chambers were always well timed, especially when I came to the atrium, so no one but me would be in the room. When I arrived some thirty minutes ago, it was empty as usual.

That had changed within minutes of sitting down and picking at the tiny sandwiches Tawny had confiscated from another room. Loren and Dafina had arrived, and while I sat as I’d been groomed to do—hands clasped lightly in my lap, ankles crossed, and feet tucked behind the ivory hem of my gown—I shouldn’t be in the room.

Not while the Ladies in Wait were present since they’d cozied up to the table Tawny and I had sat at. The situation could easily be construed as me interacting with them, which was one of the many things expressly forbidden by the Priests and Priestesses. Interaction was, in their words, too familiar.

I wasn’t interacting, though. I imagined I was the picture of well-bred serenity. Or I could easily be mistaken for one of the statues of the veiled Maidens. I may appear calm on the outside, but internally, I was nothing more than an exhausted, frazzled ball of nerves. Some of it had to do with the lack of any restful sleep the night prior—well, to be honest, for the last several days. It was also partly due to the fact that I knew I was going to be blamed for Dafina’s and Loren’s presence. I didn’t even know if I was allowed to be in the atrium. It had never been an issue before, and no one had ever spoken to me about it. However, no one other than a stray servant or guard had ever shown up in the atrium while I’d been here before. They weren’t the only reasons I was a mess of anxious, restless energy, though.

The primary cause stood catty-corner from where I sat, hand braced on the hilt of his sword, amber-colored eyes constantly alert.

Hawke.

It was strange to glance over and see him standing there. And it wasn’t just because it was usually Rylan who watched over these afternoon brunches Tawny and I sometimes took in the atrium. It was how different it was with Hawke being here. Normally, Rylan had stared out into the garden or spent the majority of the time speaking with one of the other Royal Guards who were nearby as he lingered just inside the entrance. Not Hawke. He found the one area in the room where he had a view of the entire brightly lit space and the gardens outside the atrium.

Luckily, the windows didn’t face the roses.

Unluckily, I often found myself staring at the fountain of the veiled Maiden.

In just one day, it had become almost painfully evident how lax Rylan had gotten in terms of security. Granted, there hadn’t been an attempt before, but he had softened. I hated even acknowledging that. It felt like a betrayal to do so, but that wasn’t the only thing that made this brunch so very different from the ones before.

Another thing that made it so different was the appearance of the two Ladies in Wait. I suspected that this was the first time they’d even been in the atrium since they’d arrived at Castle Teerman after their Rites.

Dafina, a second daughter of a rich merchant, fluttered a silk, lilac-hued folding fan as if she were attempting to end the life of an insect only she could see. While late-morning sun poured in through the windows, the atrium was still cool, and I doubted Dafina had grown overheated between eating cucumber sandwiches and sipping tea.