The Dark Prince(The Dark Light Series #2)(71)
I shake my head. "And how is that letting go? How is that closure?"
Dorian looks away, pondering my questions with a slight frown. "Maybe I don't want closure."
"Then what do you want?"
He brings his gaze back to me, passion burning brightly in his impossibly blue orbs. His hands tighten around waist, grasping the skin of the small of my back through the thin fabric of my dress. "You. Forever. Just you."
I'm left gaping at him, eyes filled with tears and seconds away from telling him that I want the same- need the same- when I hear a familiar, albeit irritated, voice. "What the hell is this?"
We both spin around to face a furious Jared, staring daggers at Dorian. I drop my hands from his neck, yet Dorian's are still clutching my lower back. He doesn't look ruffled in the least. Maybe he's even a bit amused.
"Jared, um, I," I stammer weakly. "I was just coming to find you when … "
"I asked her to dance," Dorian replies coolly. "I insisted. I wanted to say … goodbye."
My eyes snap to Dorian's and he gives me a weak half-smile. I nearly choke on the knot in my throat.
Jared clears his throat and grasps my hand, tugging me towards him possessively. "Ok, you've seen her," he mutters angrily.
"Jared, stop." I pull my hand away from his grasp and place it on his chest to halt his temper then look back at Dorian.
"Dorian … " Words fail me. I know this is goodbye. I know this is the closure we both need yet I can't get it out.
"Gabriella … " He sucks in a breath, his sad eyes glossy. Then in his native language, the Dark tongue that I can somehow understand, he mutters his final declaration to me.
"We'll be together. I'll make this right for us. For you. I love you, little girl. In life and in death."
He slowly withdraws his hands and backs away, his beautifully pained face the only thing I can see. Our eyes don't leave each other until he has melted into the crowd yet I still gaze after him, willing him to fill my sight and come back to me.
I force myself to look back at Jared, his face displaying a mix of hurt and confusion. His shoulders slump with resignation and his head falls to his chest. I know that I've lost him. I know that he and I cannot move forward. Not like this.
My hand cups his cheek as guilt and remorse tear me in two. "Go home. I'll get a ride with Morgan and Miguel."
Jared lifts his head and I nearly break at the sight of his tear-rimmed eyes. I've hurt him, the one thing that I've tried so hard to avoid. I thought if I withheld, if I just kept him at a distance, than it would be easier to let go. Because I knew it would come to this. I knew I'd eventually break his heart.
"I'm so sorry, Jared. I'm so, so sorry."
Though he couldn't understand the words Dorian uttered just moments ago, the intense longing in our eyes was undeniable. He saw it … felt it. He knows he could never compete with that magnitude of need. He knows that I could never look at him the way I look at Dorian. I can't lie to him; I won't. He deserves so much better than that. He deserves better than me.
Without another word, Jared turns and stalks out of the ballroom, leaving me standing alone on the dance floor, a few remorseful tears dripping onto my dress. While the surge of emotion is rare for me, I can't contain my pain. Silently and unapologetically, I cry those tears for Jared, the man I loved since he was a boy. The man I wish I could love again.
Chapter Twenty Seven
I stare at the half empty bottle of Jack sitting on my desk. It's the last of my post-breakup stash that I kept here at Cashmere. And while I hadn't needed the numbness it brought in months, I am thankful for it today. Today was a different beast. It would be my last day as a twenty year old, semi-regular girl. It would be the last day I could even consider myself remotely human. And it would be the day that my heart would stop beating. The day that I would forever remember with loathing.
Dorian's wedding day.
I know it's no coincidence that he and Aurora would be getting married the day before my ascension. It's just another way for Aurora to take a jab at me. My fists clench reflexively. It would take more than just a jab if she even dared to come near me. Apparently she knew that because physically she had kept her distance.
I unscrew the bottle and set it on my desk, still unsure if I want to go back down this road. It's only late morning after all. I had planned to just come in to finish up some paperwork in the event that my ascension goes terribly wrong then spend the rest of the day with my parents. It could be my last day with them. Neither of us knew what the future held in the next twenty four hours. They had done all they could do up to this point. Now it was time for me to make a choice.
I take a deep breath and pick up the bottle, the scent of the strong liquor burning my nose. I know it would help ease the rising anxiety of the unknown. It would help me forget the last year, not to mention the next hours. I just can't decide if that's what I truly want. I had made peace with the fact that I would probably be alone forever. Not in the pathetic ‘whoa-is-me' kinda way. But in the ‘it-is-what-it-is' kinda way. Normal, healthy relationships were reserved for normal, healthy girls. That no longer applied to me. Not after today.
Before I can bring the bottle to my lips, my computer chimes, indicating a new email message. I put it down and open the application, more out of distraction than anything else. I can't help but smile when I see the name of the sender.
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SUBJECT: Happy Birthday, Beautiful
Baby girl,
Since I can't be there to celebrate your birthday with you, I thought this may be a close second to gracing you with my actual presence. I pulled a few strings and recovered some info that I'm sure you will find interesting. I know you don't like to talk about it, but I was able to find the original of the video that was sent to you. Of course, Aurora was the one who sent it … heartless bitch. But more importantly, the original had a time and date stamp.
Gabs, that video was recorded in March of 2012. Exactly a year ago. And I swear to you, it didn't go any further than what you saw. I told you … Dorian would never do that. You have no idea what he has already been through with that woman. He wouldn't let himself get hurt again. I actually think she created that file for a different purpose, maybe to gain leverage for another one of her convoluted plans. I don't know. But whatever the reason, Dorian didn't betray you. He loves you.
I have attached the original video in case you wanted to see for yourself, though I doubt you do. But just know, he was telling the truth. He never did anything with her other than what you saw. As hard as that was to stomach, it wasn't how it seemed.
I have half a mind to send you a plane ticket to come stop this bullshit wedding. But we both know how that would end. Father still has a stick up his ass about the last encounter. Did I ever tell you I fucking love you for that?
Well, I better let you go and enjoy your last day as ordinary. Get fucked up, stir up some trouble, make some bad decisions, and oh yeah … think of me the entire time.
See you on the other side of forever,
Niko
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I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding and slump back in my chair, letting myself process what I've just learned. My heart told me that Dorian was being honest, that he had not betrayed me. But after playing the fool for so long, after being beaten down and broken, I felt like I could no longer trust my own instincts. I had turned a blind eye for so long. I let denial blanket my rationale. I have never been so happy to be wrong.
But it doesn't matter. None of it does. Sure this information gives me peace of mind but that's as far as it goes. Dorian is getting married today. It's too late to change the inevitable.
I screw the top back on the bottle and shove it back into the bottom drawer of my desk. I don't need to be numb. Not when this may be the last time I feel human. And it's ok. I'm … ok.
But there is something I do need to do. I need to make things right with Jared. I need him to know that I never meant to hurt him. I don't know how much time I actually have left. What if something goes … wrong … and I'm never able to see my friends and family again? What if the consumption of power completely alters who I am?
I finish up what I came for, writing down important contact info, securing legal documents, and recording account numbers, before placing everything in the safe for Carmen. The task is almost morbid, as if I am getting my affairs in order, waiting for death. Maybe on some level I am. My human life must end so my destiny can begin.
I decide to walk down to Luxe before trying to find Jared. I need Morgan's opinion. For weeks, since he stormed out of the Broadmoor ballroom, he's avoided me. I tried to give him space and time to heal but even after a few days, he still refused to take my calls. I had really destroyed him. But no matter what I did, Jared would have ended up hurt. If I went along with it, if I just tried to make it work with him, I still would have eventually crushed him. Either my love for Dorian would have floated back to the surface, tainting the relationship we were trying to build, or my ascension would have made things too difficult to try to carry on normally. Even if I would have been honest from the start, I still would have hurt him. There was no painless way to do this.