Accidentally...Over?(56)

"What do you have to say for yourself, Cimil?"

The room waited with bated breath.

Cimil shrugged. "Touchdown, baby!"

That was not what Penelope had hoped for. "Really? Touchdown. That's it?"

"What can I say? I'm like those guys who scrape roadkill from the  highway or clean out Porta-Potties. I do what I gotta to. And I leave  the world a better place. Less stinky. You know."

"But Cimil, that's not an excuse." Penelope had hoped with all her soul  that there was some sort of logical explanation. Because despite  everything, she liked the batshit crazy goddess. She'd saved Penelope's  life once. Not to mention her mother's.

Cimil smiled. "Of course it is. I am the only one powerful enough, smart  enough, and with balls big enough to make the hard choices."

Un-frigging-believable. "But people died, Cimil, suffered, because of  you. You broke Chaam's soul, used him to murder hundreds of women. You  created vampires! And the Maaskab!"

Cimil raised her index finger in the air. "Correction! The Maaskab  created vampires. One of those bastard priests plucked out my heart to  save Roberto and make him immortal."

The room gasped.

Cimil glowed. "Well, the heart grew back. And I'd like to point out that  the priest didn't create evil vampires; he created plain old vampires.  Vampires have free will just like humans. Bad apples are the result of  an individual's choice. Or hanging with Minky. In any case, their  creation was not a crime."

"How about aiding the evil vampires and Maaskab?" Penelope argued.

"Ah! All true!" Cimil replied. "But look at the joy and life that rose  from the ashes. The Maaskab brought us their dark magic, the black jade  that has enabled us to physically be with humans, to have children,  families! Now we have the Payals, the result of Chaam's evil detour,  including Emma, the love of our brother Votan's life. As for vampires,  they have become our friends, our lovers, and have served as a constant  reminder to us all that change is possible. Every disaster, death,  challenge, and tragedy we've faced has made us richer, braver, wiser.  Because of this, some of us have been able to find eternal love. So had I  not played my evil role, we would have gone mad and destroyed the  planet."

"I hope you understand," said Kinich, "that when I say this, I mean it.  Bullshit! You've already admitted that you can't see the future. I think  you got lucky. I think you sought to destroy us all, to terrorize us  for your own amusement, and it was by the grace and mercy of the  Universe that balance was restored, that good came out of it."

Cimil swiped her hand through the air. "Oh, pashaaaw! Do you not see?  That is my role. That's who I am! My job is to burn it all down! Burn it  to the ground. So the Universe can build something new. I am winter. I  am Sam. I like green eggs and ham."                       
       
           



       

Roberto moved to Cimil's side. "She speaks the truth, though not about  the green eggs, obviously. However, I have witnessed the invisible force  that compels her to destroy, even when her intensions are pure. I  watched her for thousands of years as she refused to play her role,  tried to do the opposite of anything her instincts dictated. It only  made things worse, moved us one step closer toward annihilation."

"I don't understand. How do you know all of this?" Penelope asked.

Cimil took an accomplished breath. "The dead exist in a place beyond the  confines of time. You all came to me from the future-one that no longer  exists-but you, me …  everyone was dead. My own self came to me and has  been my constant companion for thousands of years, guiding me, telling  how things ended so that I could try to change course. Apparently, that  particular version of me was Roberto-less, extremely naughty, and did  end the world. Of course, she saw the error of her ways-a testament to  my good-hearted nature. She came to help me, put me on another path."

"Is she here now?" Penelope asked.

"No. She's been gone since the party," Cimil said. "But it took me  finding my true calling. I was not born to create harmony or peace, I'm  much better at creating havoc. Which, ironically, creates harmony and  peace. Damned. I do sound batshit crazy."

"Slightly. Are you done?" Penelope said.

"Not quite! I'd like to have the opportunity to highlight all of the  good that has come from my actions." Cimil pulled out a scroll that  unwound to the floor and rolled four feet in front of her. "Ready? The  Super Bowl and anything related to the phrase ‘Touchdown, baby.'  Speaking of babies, there's your little bun in oven, Penelope. Reminder:  Maaskab, black jade, drunken night with Kinich, midgets …  say no more.  Emma, Guy, and their baby on the way. Vampires, aka our BFFs. Let's not  forget that I positioned Niccolo DiConti, the nicest, meanest vampire in  the world-besides Roberto-to be in charge of the vampire army along  with his sweet wife, Helena. The Uchben, aka our other BFFs (my evil  made them necessary, and they've really helped us manage the exploding  human population so we can get a day off). Ixtab's mate Antonio: Had I  not saved his father, the last remaining incubus, by hiding him in my  secret Spanish villa, Antonio would never have been born. And let's face  it, Ixtab is a tricky, tricky girl to match up. Ouch! Don't stand too  close. Top Ramen, someone had to ensure nourishment for the college-aged  human masses. Platform shoes. Disco. Weeble Wobles-they don't fall  down. How cool is that? Soap operas. Mojitos. Pig Latin-ix-nayy on the  unishment-pay for imil-cey. American Idol …  so, so evil. Those little  umbrellas you put into drinks. Okay, that one was really Minky's idea,  but I thought up the part about it being important to protect the little  people from the harmful rays of the sun. Tang. The wheel, and … " She  sighed. "Our big bright future." Cimil bowed. "Oh! And I'd also like to  highlight that I did send Máax into the past to save all of the Payals  who will play a very important role in the future (ssshhh, it's a  secret) so that Chaam could live a free and happy life with his mate,  Maggie."

"Are you done yet?" Penelope asked.

She looked up at the ceiling. "Um …  I would once again like to highlight  that I orchestrated the demise of evil vampires, and I had Roberto and  his men completely wipe out the Maaskab-all part of the master plan.  Couldn't have us gods locked up and the bad guys free to roam, now could  we? Besides, the Maaskab served their purpose. Now it's time to move on  and find newer, shinier, more evil challenges. Bring on round two!" She  did a little dance, then abruptly stopped once she noticed no one  joined in the celebration. "Fine. Be that way. But as you see, I have  undone all my sins and left behind nothing but the good stuff. Kind of  like when you boil a chicken to make soup. You pick out all of the bones  and those slimy bits of skin, leaving behind the savory broth and juicy  meat. Gods, I'm hungry. Must be the baby."                       
       
           



       

Roberto was suddenly gripping her by the shoulders. "Please tell me you are not joking, Cimil."

She lovingly patted his cheek. "No, my sweet pharaoh. I have kept my  promise to you. It will be a little girl. And a little boy. And another  little boy. And a girl." She shrugged. "I kinda over did it on the  fertility spell with Akna. Whoops!"

Roberto hugged her, and she genuinely looked pleased. It almost made  Penelope want to forgive Cimil. She was crazy and wild, but she had  pulled off the impossible; she'd created a new future for everyone.  She'd probably been the only one insane enough to see the possibilities  and take the risks. And if she truly was compelled to do evil, how could  they punish her? That was her role. But it also made her dangerous. Or  did it?

Damn. So confusing.

Kinich rose from his seat next to Penelope. "Cimil, I know I speak for  us all when I say that we are all grateful for every blessing in our  lives." He looked directly at Penelope. "I can't imagine a world without  our mates, our friends who have become our family, and for every gift  you've helped bestowed upon us. Excluding American Idol and SPAM. But I  agree with Penelope; the suffering, lies, and games you played seemed to  be more than simply playing your role. You enjoyed watching us run  through your labyrinth of despair. You reveled in our suffering and  enjoyed our pain. I think you could have accomplished much of what you  did without enjoying it so damned much. What do you have to say for  yourself?"