The Host(30)

“Very wrong but very true.”

“Jared,” I breathe. I try to reach for his lips again. He pulls away, looking like he has something to say. What more can there be?

“But…”

“But?” How can there be a but? What could possibly follow all this fire that starts with a but?

“But you’re seventeen, Melanie. And I’m twenty-six.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

He doesn’t answer. His hands stroke my arms slowly, painting them with fire.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I lean back to search his face. “You’re going to worry about conventions when we’re past the end of the world?”

He swallows loudly before he speaks. “Most conventions exist for a reason, Mel. I would feel like a bad person, like I was taking advantage. You’re very young.”

“No one’s young anymore. Anyone who’s survived this long is ancient.”

There’s a smile pulling up one corner of his mouth. “Maybe you’re right. But this isn’t something we need to rush.”

“What is there to wait for?” I demand.

He hesitates for a long moment, thinking.

“Well, for one thing, there are some… practical matters to consider.”

I wonder if he is just searching for a distraction, trying to stall. That’s what it feels like. I raise one eyebrow. I can’t believe the turn this conversation has taken. If he really does want me, this is senseless.

“See,” he explains, hesitating. Under the deep golden tan of his skin, it looks like he might be blushing. “When I was stocking this place, I wasn’t much planning for… guests. What I mean is…” The rest comes out in a rush. “Birth control was pretty much the last thing on my mind.”

I feel my forehead crease. “Oh.”

The smile is gone from his face, and for one short second there is a flash of anger I’ve never seen there before. It makes him look dangerous in a way I hadn’t imagined he could. “This isn’t the kind of world I’d want to bring a child into.”

The words sink in, and I cringe at the thought of a tiny, innocent baby opening his eyes to this place. It’s bad enough to watch Jamie’s eyes, to know what this life will bring him, even in the best possible circumstances.

Jared is suddenly Jared again. The skin around his eyes crinkles. “Besides, we’ve got plenty of time to… think about this.” Stalling again, I suspect. “Do you realize how very, very little time we’ve been together so far? It’s been just four weeks since we found each other.”

This floors me. “That can’t be.”

“Twenty-nine days. I’m counting.”

I think back. It’s not possible that it has been only twenty-nine days since Jared changed our lives. It seems like Jamie and I have been with Jared every bit as long as we were alone. Two or three years, maybe.

“We’ve got time,” Jared says again.

An abrupt panic, like a warning premonition, makes it impossible for me to speak for a long moment. He watches the change on my face with worried eyes.

“You don’t know that.” The despair that softened when he found me strikes like the lash of a whip. “You can’t know how much time we’ll have. You don’t know if we should be counting in months or days or hours.”

He laughs a warm laugh, touching his lips to the tense place where my eyebrows pull together. “Don’t worry, Mel. Miracles don’t work that way. I’ll never lose you. I’ll never let you get away from me.”

She brought me back to the present—to the thin ribbon of the highway winding through the Arizona wasteland, baking under the fierce noon sun—without my choosing to return. I stared at the empty place ahead and felt the empty place inside.

Her thought sighed faintly in my head: You never know how much time you’ll have.

The tears I was crying belonged to both of us.





CHAPTER 9

Discovered

I drove quickly through the I-10 junction as the sun fell behind me. I didn’t see much besides the white and yellow lines on the pavement, and the occasional big green sign pointing me farther east. I was in a hurry now.

I wasn’t sure exactly what I was in a hurry for, though. To be out of this, I supposed. Out of pain, out of sadness, out of aching for lost and hopeless loves. Did that mean out of this body? I couldn’t think of any other answer. I would still ask my questions of the Healer, but it felt as though the decision was made. Skipper. Quitter. I tested the words in my head, trying to come to terms with them.

If I could find a way, I would keep Melanie out of the Seeker’s hands. It would be very hard. No, it would be impossible.