Fear of Falling(83)

I nodded, though a big part of me desperately wanted to get out of going. I couldn’t do that to her. She needed hope. She needed to believe that there was still beauty in a world so full of ugliness. And if I needed to be the sacrificial lamb to restore that hope, then I would gladly take one for the team.

I put myself together as best as I could, considering my face was still a bit splotchy, and my eyes were a little red. I even slipped on a sundress and espadrilles, hoping it would give me a boost of confidence. No such luck. I still was terrified to walk into Dive after what went down Sunday. Everyone had seen me lose my shit. They knew something was terribly wrong with me. They would look at me with pity. They’d whisper. They’d see me for what I was.

Angel grasped my hand as we approached the entrance, and gave it a squeeze. “If anyone says anything, I’ll kick them in the nuts.”

I tried to twist my frown into grin. “And what if it’s a girl?”

“I’ll cunt punt the bitch,” she deadpanned.

A real, genuine chuckle broke through my lips as I let her lead me inside. I loved the awesomeness that was Angel Cassidy. And one day, someone else would too.

My eyes zeroed in on the bar, only to be met with a pang of disappointment. Trisha smiled at us as we approached, already preparing Angel’s signature tequila shot and light beer.

“Hey, Kam. What brings you in tonight? I thought you were off?”

My gaze ghosted in the direction of the back office. “Oh, um, just hanging out,” I stammered, swinging my attention back to her. “And I need to speak with Blaine. Is he here?”

“He was, but I think he went home. Everything ok?”

I knew she was just being friendly, but I couldn’t help but grow annoyed at her question. It was none of her business, and I was just sick of people asking me that.

“Yeah. Everything’s fine. Can I get a Coke, please?”

Minutes later, the A.D. girls filtered in, securing a booth tucked away in a corner. Dom arrived shortly after them, still dressed for his day job at a local center for at-risk teens. After everything he had been through, Dom had still found the courage to help others in need. Sometimes his job put him face to face with his demons, yet he fought through them in order to help others. His strength and selflessness knew no bounds, and I was proud to be his friend.

“I need a drink,” he stated sliding in next to me.

“Rough day?”

Dom shrugged before signaling for Lidia. “No rougher than usual. Just so sick and tired of kids getting bullied. It’s seriously getting out of hand. A kid came in, 15 years old and gay. The guys at have been really laying into him, and he’s reported them several times with no results. One of his tormentors—you know the type, asshole jock with something to prove—corners him and tries to force himself on the poor kid. He said that if he told, no one would believe him because the little prick has a girlfriend. Anyway, the kid got away with a busted up eye and a bloody lip. I called the police and had him report it. Hopefully it helps to stop these little shits from torturing him, but we know how it goes…”

Dom’s eyes grew dark and desolate, the way they always did whenever certain triggers resurrected his own painful memories. I laid my hand atop his clenched fist and gave it a squeeze. He blinked rapidly and turned to me, his dazzling smile replacing the grimace that had marred his handsome face.

“So Kam, you call Blaine?” he said, low enough to escape curious ears.

I shook my head. “I was hoping to see him here.”

“Well, maybe CJ knows. He just walked in.”

I looked over in time to see CJ sauntering over, a nervous, tight-lipped grin on his face.

“Hey, uh, um…” he stuttered. “I just wanted to say, that, um…”

I held up my hand, halting any further explanation. “It’s all good, CJ. Nothing to worry about. Pull up a chair and join us. Better yet, you can have my seat.” I nudged Dom to let me out, earning a half-frown from him.

“And where do you think you’re going?” he asked, sliding out of the booth.

“To do what I should have done a long time ago.”

Minutes later, I was in Angel’s Lexus Coupe, cruising down the highway towards Blaine’s house. I had to do this before I lost my nerve, and with the sun setting behind me, I was running out of time.

The squeaky hamster wheel of scenarios in my head drowned out the subdued sounds of The Civil Wars on the stereo system as I tried to prepare myself for the worst. What if he wasn’t alone? What if one of his groupies had already taken my place? What if he was currently losing himself in her in an attempt to forget me?