Valentine from a Soldier(10)
Miss you, too. XOXO Sarah
I tossed my phone onto my nightstand and set about unpacking my clothes. Since I traveled so often, I refilled everything in my toiletries bag so that it would be ready to go for my next trip. I was always prepared, and it saved me the trouble from having to remember each time what I needed to bring. I actually would need an overnight bag next weekend since I’d be staying at the hotel where Morgan and Josh were getting married. The rehearsal dinner was Friday night at a swanky restaurant in Chicago, but the wedding and reception were being held at an upscale hotel. Morgan wanted all of the girls to get ready together in her bridal suite, and I’d booked my own room for that night since it would be easier just to stay there after the reception ended.
I pulled my dress from my suitcase and was surprised when a piece of paper fluttered to the ground. It was folded neatly in thirds, and as I opened it up, I saw that the letterhead was from the hotel in San Francisco. Ryan’s scribbled handwriting filled the page, and my mouth dropped open in surprise as I began to read his letter.
Sarah,
I hope that I didn’t come on too strong last night. I was trying to play it cool at the bar, casually drinking my beer, but of course I noticed you even before I sat down and hoped that you would talk to me. I know you asked me several times what I was doing in San Francisco, and I was always a little bit vague. The truth is, the reason I’d always planned to return was because of my fiancée. She was from the east coast and had never been out to California. When we got engaged, it was her dream for us to come here together one day. I hope you’re still reading this and not angry with me for neglecting to tell you the full story. She died last year from injuries she sustained in a car accident. I was in Iraq and didn’t get to the hospital in time to say goodbye. For that I will never forgive myself, but I came here because I’d always promised her that we would, and it was my way of finally saying goodbye. I haven’t dated at all since the accident, and I never thought that I’d feel that way about anyone again. While I did sit beside you hoping only to talk to a pretty girl for the evening, I never expected for my time in San Francisco to include falling for you, Sarah. I keep thinking about our evening together and of course our amazing night. I hope you can forgive me for not telling you the entire truth, because I can’t imagine never seeing you again.
Love,
Ryan
My heart pounded in my chest as I finished reading his letter, and a flurry of conflicting emotions rushed through me. He had a fiancée. An ex-fiancée, but he’d been there in San Francisco because of her. Why didn’t he tell me last night when I’d asked why he was there? Why did he tuck a letter explaining everything into my suitcase? He must have written it while I showered and dressed this morning. But how could he have made love to me again and again, kissed me so passionately, without sharing that part of his life? I sank down onto my bed, trying to collect my thoughts. I guess that goes to show why you shouldn’t have one-night-stands. Although I felt an amazing connection with Ryan, I really didn’t know him at all. I wasn’t sure how I felt about him taking this trip because of another woman and then spending the night in my bed. Had he forgotten all about her at that point? Was I just a substitute for someone he could never have? He’d held me so close this morning that it felt like he never wanted to let me go. Was he just wishing that he was with her?
Suddenly feeling anger rise up inside me and the need to get some of my frustration out, I pulled on my workout clothes and headed down to the small gym in my building. I set the treadmill for forty minutes and starting to jog, pounding out my frustrations on the rubber tread. I preferred running outside but it was already getting dark, and I found this helped just as much to release all the tension coursing through my body. When I finally started to calm down, I went back up to my apartment and took a long, hot shower. There was no question about it; my night with Ryan had been one big mistake. As hard as it might be, what I really needed was to put the entire trip behind me. I had a big week coming up, with Morgan’s wedding to keep me busy along with my usual work responsibilities. I had a huge conference that I was planning for next month, and I didn’t have time to let a guy who couldn’t even bother to be truthful with me get in the way of my real life.
I popped a frozen dinner in the microwave and sank down onto my sofa to watch a little mindless TV. I suddenly wasn’t feeling very hungry though and only picked at my food. Some reruns of my favorite show distracted me for a couple of hours, and I poured myself a glass of wine, trying not to remember sharing a bottle of it with Ryan last night. Walking back to my bedroom at 10:00 p.m., I lay down in the darkness, wide awake from jet lag. My phone beeped on the nightstand, and I glanced down to see who had sent me a message.