Up to Me(11)

“Can you trust me? Please! I know I’ve not given you many reasons to, but this one time, just go with your heart. I promise you, promise you¸ I won’t let you down.”

Even as I say the words, I know there’s no way I can make a promise like that. But what I can promise is that, if I do, it won’t be because I didn’t do everything in my power to live up to being the kind of guy she deserves. I want to be worth the risk. I want her to finally fall for the right guy.

She says nothing, only nods. I know it’s hard for her, but the fact that she’s willing to try gives me hope. Maybe bringing some familiar things will help ease her mind. I know she dropped her bag just inside the door of her apartment and I didn’t pick it up as we were leaving. I’ll go by and get it on my way back. Maybe that will make her feel better. But, then again, I’m a guy. What the hell do I know?

“Tell me what you want to eat. I’ll order it. When it gets here, you can eat while I’m out. I’ll go by your place and get your bag and some more clothes, and lock up. Is there anything specific you need?”

She pauses to think and then shakes her head. I’m not sure why she’s so quiet, but I don’t want to push her.

“Also, I’ll need your cell phone. I’ll take it to the club and leave it in the back, just in case. Until then, you can use one of the disposable phones I bring back for us. Okay?”

She nods again.

“You can call your dad and Ginger in the morning. Just tell them your phone’s out of commission for a few days and that you’ll be calling to check on them. We’ll throw that phone away after you talk to them and you can use another one to call later in the week.”

Her smile is agreeable but very tight. “It’ll be okay. I’ll make it okay.”

She nods again, but still she doesn’t speak. I refuse to acknowledge the possibility that I may already have screwed things up beyond repair. No, I’ll just have to find a way to make her trust me, to get us out of this. Maybe then…





CHAPTER FIVE- Olivia



I can’t even remember the name of my meal. Something fancy and exotic and foreign that I’ve never heard of. The only thing I care about is that it’s chicken. I like chicken. And this is great chicken. My taste buds are working well enough for me to be sure of that. But I don’t really taste it. Or maybe it’s that I don’t really enjoy it. My mind and my heart are too troubled and heavy to enjoy much of anything.

What in the world have I done? Not only did I do exactly what I knew I shouldn’t—get involved with another bad boy—but I went and picked one that actually has a dangerous past. He’s not just dangerous to my heart; he’s dangerous period!

Obviously running at this juncture is completely out of the question. It’s not safe. Well, not for my physical wellbeing. It might be safest for my heart. But, then again, maybe not. Even after all this, I still don’t know what to make of Cash. Sometimes he’s so sweet and sincere and…

He treats me like I’m something important. He talks to me like I’m something different. Not like I’m the throw-away kind he’s used to loving and leaving. He seems to value me—my safety, my happiness. Just…me.

But I’ve talked myself into believing that before, into seeing what wasn’t really there. On the one hand, I know better than to take the chance. I know from long experience what the wild ones do to girls like me. But on the other hand, something tells me to take the risk. A voice I’ve never heard before, one that seems to speak from somewhere inside my soul, tells me Cash is different.

The question is: what to do? What to do, what to do? That’s always the question. And it’s so much harder when everything’s left up to me, when I’m the one forced to make the tough call, the tough decisions.

But right now, these circumstances are dictating my actions. I’m stuck. For the moment anyway. I need to stick with Cash until all this mob stuff is resolved, which hopefully will be very soon. And then I can decide. Then I can think.

After I finish part of my meal, I get up and wander restlessly through the room. I don’t like not having a phone, not knowing what’s going on. I don’t like not knowing if I’ll ever see Cash again, if Marissa will be okay, if a raccoon has made its way into my apartment through my wide-open door and torn everything to shreds.

Yes, my mind works in very strange and nonsensical ways. I think it’s so overwhelmed, it keeps coming back to whether the front door was left open. Like a broken record, it skips back to that over and over and over again.