Until Harry(99)

“If I’d told you I loved you, you wouldn’t have had Kaden!”

Kale stumbled back like I’d punched him. “Don’t you ever . . . don’t fucking ever justify your walking out on me by using my son, do you hear me?”

“I’m not justifying anything, Kale,” I said, my voice tight with emotion, “but it’s true. If I’d told you I loved you, if I’d pressed you out of your comfort zone, then Kaden would have never existed.”

Kale glared at me. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes,” I said, nodding, “I do.”

“How?” he growled.

“Because you would never have got back with Drew if you’d had me,” I whispered. “I see that now.”

Kale struggled to keep his composure. “So I’m supposed to be happy you left me? I’m supposed to be happy that I was robbed of six years with you?”

I shook my head. “No, you should be happy that I made a decision that led you to having Kaden, even if it was just for a short time, because I’m learning that having someone that special in your life is worth every second you have with them. Focus on that, focus on the time you had with Kaden, and you will be happy that you had him.”

My own words triggered something my dad had said to me the night before my uncle’s funeral. He’d said, “You can find yourself again, and possibly help Kale find peace in the process.”

“I’m realising that for myself too, Kale,” I said after a moment of laboured breathing. “It’s killing me that my uncle is gone, but I cherish all the time I had with him, every memory, every laugh and even every fight. Lavender too. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her, and I miss her every day, but it’s only because I loved her so much.”

I looked up at Kale’s glassy eyes. “I cherish every moment of our friendship before I left and lost you.” I swallowed. “But even though things hurt, Kale, if we focus on the good times, the love we have for our loved ones will outweigh the heartache we feel when we think of them. I thoroughly believe that.”

“Do you really think I can get to a point where I can be happy when I think of Kaden?” Kale asked me, his body still tensed.

“I do, and I’ll help you every step of the way, I promise.” My shoulders slumped. “You should be happy I didn’t get in the way of Kaden, Kale.”

Kale blinked at me. “You get in the way of everything, Lane.”

I frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“I can’t see past you,” he said, and shook his head. “I’ve never been able to see past you.”

I waited for him to explain.

“When Kaden was born, all I wanted was for you to be his mum so you could experience how brilliant he was right along with me. How horrible of a person does that make me? Wishing Drew was you? When I lost him, I wanted you there to make losing him easier. When I had Drew, I wanted her to be you. Every decision I make, no matter how small or stupid, is always accompanied with the thought of you. I incorporate you into everything without even meaning to do it. You’re my life. You always have been.”

Kale carefully watched me from across the room as I processed what he said.

“Want or wanted?” I whispered.

He raised his eyebrows at me. “Wh-What?”

“You wanted me, or you want me?” I asked, sucking up every ounce of courage within my body.

Kale pushed himself away from the wall he was leaning against. “Don’t ask me that unless—”

“Unless what?” I interrupted.

“Unless you’re fully prepared for my answer.”





CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Day one of forever

Worry filled me, but I didn’t care, I needed the answer.

I stood up straight as I said, “Kale, you wanted me, or you want me? I’m not running away from you anymore. I’m not running away from anything ever again, no matter how scared I am.”

He began to stalk towards me.

“Which one is it?” I asked with my head held high. “Because when it comes to you, it’s always been want for me.”

“I don’t want you, Lane,” Kale growled as he neared me. “I fucking need you.”

He rushed at me and collided into me with his massive, sculpted body. I almost whimpered as the touch I so desperately craved invaded my senses. Kale took possession of my lips and kissed me so hard that it almost hurt. His hands were on my cheeks, holding me in place, and his forehead was against mine as he kissed me with a hunger that I eagerly matched.

I felt the passion he was showing me deep in my bones.

I gasped into his mouth when his hands slid down my body, around my waist and down to my behind where he squeezed. He bent his knees a little, then without warning he lifted me up into the air.