Until Harry(98)

“I miss my son, Lane,” he whispered. “I miss his laugh, his cry, his screams and even his serious conversations with his chubby toes. I miss everything about him.”

I was silent as he spoke.

“Day by day it’s ripping me apart because I know I’ll never see him again. Never hold him again. It kills me that you’ll never get to know him. I was robbed of you, and then I was robbed of him. God hates me. I hate me.”

I got up and kneeled before him and put my hands on his face, forcing him to look at me.

“You’re the bravest person that I have ever known. You’re so strong, and sweetheart, you’re a good fucking person. Horrible things have happened to you for no reason, because no reason is good enough for you to lose a child. The why can never be explained, and nothing will ease that pain you feel, but I truly believe that one day you won’t feel sorrow or sadness when you think of Kaden. You will think of happiness and love, because I know in my heart that he was pure light. You will see him again.”

Kale’s whisky-coloured eyes were glazed over with tears, and when he blinked, they fell and splashed onto his cheeks. Without thought or hesitation, I leaned in and kissed the salty droplets away. I pressed my forehead against his and looked into his beautiful eyes.

“I wasn’t there for you when you lost Kaden, but I will be here for you now and every moment after. I don’t care what has happened between us in the past. Before you were my crush, you were my best friend. You’re still my best friend, and I refuse to lose you again.”

“You . . . you really aren’t going back to America?” he asked, the hope in his voice almost breaking me.

I shook my head. “No, darling, no matter the outcome of this conversation, I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here where I belong, with my family, and with you in any capacity. You’re my best friend. I’ll give up everything before I lose that, lose you, again.”

I barely finished speaking before he covered my mouth with his and kissed me.

“Kale, no,” I said, and broke away from him. “You’re kissing me because you’re sad.”

“No,” he said, looking at me with searching eyes, “I’m kissing you because if I don’t, I’ll lose my fucking mind.”

I sat back on my heels. “You don’t know what you’re—”

“Don’t tell me what I’m feeling or what I’m thinking,” he growled, cutting me off. “I’m sick of people thinking they know what’s best for me. I know what’s best for me.”

I felt a moment of déjà vu as he echoed my earlier words to my family.

“And what’s best for you?” I quizzed.

“You,” he growled.

I was confused with his anger.

“You’re mad at me,” I said, stating the obvious.

“I’m not mad at you, Lane,” Kale stated calmly. “I’m fucking livid with you.”

I stood up as I sensed a fight brewing. Kale did too, because he was on his feet before I was. “Why’re you angry?” I asked, confused.

“Because when I think about how things ended with us before you left me, it fucking infuriates me.”

What the hell? I thought.

I pointed my finger at him. “You walked away from me, Kale.”

“And you made damn sure of that, didn’t you, sweetheart?” he bellowed, his tone taking me by surprise. “You told me everything I wanted to hear a year too fucking late.”

“I never wanted you to look at me again the way you did the morning after we had sex, so when you told me you loved me, I lied and pushed you away to protect myself.”

“Are you kidding me?” he screamed. “Are you fucking kidding me, Lane?”

I backed away from Kale’s shaking form. He was fuming with rage.

“No!” he snarled, and shot forward into my personal space.

I wasn’t planning on leaving, but he was making sure I couldn’t even if I wanted to.

“You aren’t running away anymore,” he stated. “We’re going to hash everything out right fucking now.”

“I had to run away!” I screamed and shoved at his chest. “I couldn’t sit by and watch you play happy families with her. I couldn’t do it!”

“You didn’t give me time after that admission,” he snapped. “I realised the day after you left that I wanted you and not Drew, but you were gone, and I had a responsibility to step up with her.”

“Exactly,” I emphasised. “You had that – be thankful for it at least!”

“What the hell are you saying?” he shouted.