Unforgiven(91)

“Matt, I’m walking down some stairs to my car. I’ll be fine. Go back inside; your date is waiting in there for you.” I turn around and begin taking the steps slowly, my fingers wrapped tightly around the cool metal railing. Now is not the time to fall, I tell myself, I’ve just turned down his offer for help.
“Melissa’s not my date.” He says it matter-of-factly. “She’s a friend who didn’t have anyone to take her to her boss’ wedding, and I’m a guy who didn’t have a date to my best friend’s wedding, so we came together and that’s where it ends. That’s all it is.”
I stop, my back still to him. “Matt, it’s okay. You don’t owe me any explanations, and I, of all people, will be the last to judge what you do or who you see.” I turn and look over my shoulder to find he’s closed the distance between us. He’s standing two steps above me.
“Lindsay, I need to say this and I need you to hear me.” He pauses. I turn around to give him my full attention. My knees shake lightly and I hold on to the railing tighter to steady myself. His jaw works and he shakes one of his hands nervously. His dark brown eyes hone in on mine and never falter. “I love you. I have never stopped loving you. From the first time I spoke to you, to the day you left—my love for you never changed.” I see him swallow and he takes a deep breath, exhaling loudly. “I don’t know what our futures hold, but every time I try to envision mine, you’re a part of it. In my dreams, you’re the one I wake up next to every morning, and go to sleep with every night. You’re the one rocking my babies to sleep, and holding my hand when I’m an old man. It’s always been you. It will always be you.”
I close my eyes and let the weight of these words sink in. My heart feels as if it might burst, it’s beating so wildly. The tears I’ve been fighting back all night deceive me and fall in streams down my face. My mouth won’t form words, so I stand and just cry. I cry for how sorry I am. I cry for how much I’ve obviously hurt him—and myself. I cry for how much I’ve wanted, no, needed to hear him say this. I cry because this is the future I’ve always envisioned as well—I just never believed I deserved it.
He takes the last two steps down to meet me and pulls me into his arms. Everything I’ve ever needed is holding on to me and I make a silent promise to myself I’ll never let go of him again.
“I love you too, Matt.”
I’m not sure how long we stand holding each other, but I know it is a while. I’ve finally stopped crying, but I don’t want to pull out of his embrace—I’m not ready to let him go yet. When I finally let go, I can see his eyes stained red and his cheeks are wet.
“Can we start over?” he asks, his lip shaking. I manage a short smile while I wipe his cheeks with the palms of my hand.
“I’d like that.”
“Me too.”


 
 
 
 
“Your turn,” Matt says as he turns down the volume on the baby monitor that sits on the nightstand and nudges me gently with his elbow. Emmy is chatting away in her crib and making all kinds of noises. With one half-open eye, I glance at the clock on the bedside table and see that it’s three-thirty in the morning.
Pushing myself out of bed, I pad down the hall quietly to the bedroom where a crib, a changing table, and a rocking chair line the walls of the room. The nightlight plugged into the wall provides just enough light to illuminate the room, not needing to turn on the bright overhead light.
“Em,” I whisper. “You’re always so chatty and happy, even in the middle of the night.” She smiles at me as I reach into the crib and pull her to me. “You’re going to wake up your sister with all this noise you’re making.” I lay her on the changing table and change her wet diaper, her little legs kicking wildly the entire time. I snap her onesie closed and lean down, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. There is nothing better than a smell of a baby.#p#分页标题#e#
“Hungry?” I ask her. She smiles at me again. I carry her to the kitchen, where I bounce and sway her gently while we wait for her bottle to warm up in the bottle warmer. I pull a burp cloth from the drawer and lay it across her chest and tuck it under her chin before heading back to the rocking chair in the bedroom.
I prop my feet on the gliding ottoman and position Emmy into the crook of my arm. Her little pink lips wrap around the nipple on the bottle and she immediately begins suckling. Her blue eyes focus on my face and she intently watches me as she inhales her bottle in a matter of minutes.