Underestimated Too(7)

“You had no right. He didn’t belong to you to give away. He was mine,” I screamed at Drew. I cried, really cried, pushing Drew away. I didn’t know where this was coming from. I didn’t let myself think about Justin. I couldn’t, it hurt too much. Why would she think this would help anything? I didn’t want her to be our therapist anymore either.

“Are you even serious right now?” Drew angrily asked Deidra. “You think this is helping? You think opening up old wounds is going to help anything?”

Deidra removed her dark framed glasses from her face and sat up. Resting her elbows on her knees she spoke to Drew and not me.

“I think this is a small piece to a very big puzzle. Morgan is displaying the symptom, right here in front of your eyes. What’s the cause, Drew? Tell me what’s going on here.”

Drew looked to me and then back to her with a look of realization. “I’m the cause. You resent me for taking Justin from you. You’ve never let that go, have you, Morgan?” he asked.

I didn’t reply. He was right. Deidra was right. I hated him and still carried a lot of animosity over my little brother.

“How do I fix it, Morgan? I don’t know what to do.”

“There may be nothing that you can do, Drew. The only thing that may need to be done is acknowledging that you were the cause of Morgan never seeing her brother again. Maybe she just needs you to admit that you were wrong, that you’re sorry, and you’d do anything in your power to take it back,” Deidra explained.

“I would, Morgan. I’d change it in a heartbeat if I could. You know that, right?” Drew desperately confessed, taking my hand.

I let him and wiped falling tears with the back of my other hand.

“I think that’s enough for one day. Let’s continue here next week,” Deidra suggested, sensing I’d had enough.

I had. I didn’t want to do this anymore either. She wasn’t like the rest of them. She wasn’t going to let us talk about our marriage in the now, covering up the past. She was going to pull out every painful event we’d been through. I was sure of it.





Chapter 3





“I don’t want to leave you,” Drew confessed, sitting on the toilet while Nicky kicked his little legs, splashing in the bath water. He loved bath time and was so darn cute, balling his little fist excitedly while his feet and legs danced in the warm water.

“I’m fine, Drew. You can go. You’re only going for two days.”

“I’m afraid, Morgan. What if you’re not okay?”

I wanted to walk to him, fall into his arms, let him know that I loved him, and we’d make it through this. I didn’t dare leave Nicky though, not for a second. He was rolling all over the place now.

Laying on the bed, playing with Nicholas, Drew stared at me. I knew he needed something. I just didn’t know what it was he needed or how to give it to him. I forgave him for taking Justin from me. I didn’t know what else to say.

“Take me to bed, Daddy,” I said, talking for Nicky who was rubbing his sleepy eyes.

Drew picked him up and carried him to his room. I soaked in a tub of erotic smelling bubbles, contemplating our session with Deidra that day. Afraid of where we were going to end up, I knew things were going to get deeper. Had I known how much deeper, I may have let Drew fire her that day.

Drew was barely rocking, patting Nicky on his diapered butt when he rocked back. I stood quietly at the door, watching him with his son. There was nothing Drew could do that was any sexier. I loved seeing him rock Nicky. It warmed my blood and melted my heart.

“He’s asleep,” I announced quietly.

“I know. I just never want to lose him. I love him so much, Morgan.”

I tussled his hair and smiled a weak smile down at him. Taking the baby, I knew where he was going with this, what he was thinking. I was right and as soon as Drew showered and crawled in beside me he started.

“Morgan?”

“Hmm?” I mumbled in his chest.

“I never thought about how that made you feel. I never thought about it until today. I can’t imagine someone taking Nicholas from me now. I can’t conceive of never seeing him again.”

I looked up to him, deciding not to let it blow over, tell him it was fine, let him off the hook. I needed to stop enabling him. “You can’t imagine that, Drew. Did you know that I was the one to take care of him from the day he came home from the hospital? I woke with him at two o’clock in the morning to feed him, I changed him using the cloth diapers that I washed by hand myself.”

“Where were your parents?”

I shrugged and rolled to my back, staring up at the ceiling. “Probably at the bar. I don’t know. They never told me where they were going. They just left me to tend to him.”