Underestimated Too(17)

“Okay, I’ll try that. I’ll call you later. He’s crying,” I lied.

“Okay, but hurry up. I’m bored.”

I didn’t really lie. As soon as I hung up, I heard the baby monitor come alive. I walked upstairs and to his room. After changing him we sat in the rocker as I gave him a bottle and rocked him back and forth, contemplating my life. Drew had been distant since his episode the day before. He didn’t even sleep in our room, just like old times, he left me alone.

Nicholas sat up after his bottle, and played with the black sea glass necklace around my neck. Pulling his clasped little fingers away from the delicate chain, I sat him on the floor and turned to get him some toys. I sucked in an audible breath when I turned back to him on all fours.

“What are you doing, big guy?” I smiled. “Drew, come in here,” I called, knowing he was watching us. He always watched us.

Sitting on the floor, I placed the red truck away from him, encouraging him to crawl to it. I looked up through the slit in my eye to see Drew. He squatted behind me as I leaned into him, wanting things to be okay.

“Come here, baby,” I coaxed.

“He’s doing it,” Drew exclaimed, excited when Nicky moved towards us with a giggly squeal. It took him a little bit to figure it out, but he did it. He crawled the three feet to us, reaching his prize that instantly went to his mouth.

I turned to smile at Drew looking at me and not Nicholas at all. He looked sad, hurt, and sorry. Those moments are what kept me grounded right there with him. I twisted my body and wrapped my arms around his neck as his went around my waist.

“I’m so sorry, Morgan. I don’t know why I do that. It’s not you. It’s not your fault at all. I’m sorry, baby.”

“Shhh,” I whispered to his lips. “I’m okay, we’re okay.”

“We’re not. What if Marta is right? What if I really hurt you?”

“You won’t, Drew,” I guaranteed.

“You don’t know that. I don’t know that. I can’t even explain what came over me last night, Morgan. I couldn’t have stopped it if my life depended on it.”

“Let’s just forget it, okay? Please.”

Drew took a deep, defeated breath. He knew we couldn’t just forget it as much as I knew. And yes, I was afraid that the next time might be my last. Any mother on earth would have done the opposite of what I did. A normal mother would have taken her baby and left him. Why couldn’t I do that? Why did I feel like he was a vital part of my life?

Nicholas interrupted, trying to pull himself up to us. Drew picked him up, sandwiching him between us.

“Oh my. You stink,” I said, smelling the stinky diaper.

“Come on, Daddy will change you,” Drew offered.

“I’m going to take a bath. You got him for a little bit?” I asked.

“Yup, we’re going to get rid of this mess and then play with all these trucks. Right, buddy?”

I smiled and left them to their trucks.

I had to cook for us because we no longer had Marta. I didn’t mind at all. I liked being a housewife. Drew, on the other hand, didn’t like it. I think it was more of a status quo thing than anything. His wife didn’t belong in the kitchen. We had help for that. Stirring the noodles in the boiling water, I thought about what Drew had said about eating spaghetti from a can day after day. I contemplated his life as a little boy, living with a mother with a mental illness. I was afraid that our session with Deidra was just the tip of the iceberg.

“Did you hear me?” Drew asked, feeding Nicholas peas from his highchair.

“What?” I asked, being pulled from my daze.

“You need to reschedule the auctioneer appointment.”

“Why?” I asked the stupid question and then remembered. “Never mind. I will,” I added, knowing I wouldn’t leave the house until my bruises had vanished.

“Celeste wants to buy the house.”

“I know. Alicia told me. She doesn’t want it.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “She likes the closeness of their house. It’s three bedrooms, plenty big enough for a family of four. She doesn’t think they need Randal’s mansion.”

“It’s not a matter of needing. Celeste just wants to provide for them.”

“She’s doing that.”

“You don’t think they should buy the estate?”

“I don’t know. It’s not up to me. I guess they’ll work it out, but we have to let the auctioneer know if the house will be auctioned too, or just the contents.”

“I’ll talk to her later. Just reschedule and tell him you need time to decide whether or not you’re going to sell the house.”