Underestimated Too(109)

Drew didn’t move. Drew was caving. He knew she spoke the truth. Why wasn’t he demanding that we leave?

“Morgan, there is nothing wrong with you believing you can change your husband. A lot of women stay with abusive men because of that reason. You can’t change him, Morgan.”

“What good do you think this is doing? Are you trying to get my wife to leave me?”

“No, Drew. Not at all. I’m trying to get your wife to understand that she can’t change you. You have to change you, and whether you want to own up to it or not you have a short fuse when it comes to Morgan. Call it your buttons or whatever you want, but I am afraid for her. I don’t like her being alone with you.”

“I’m not going to hurt her.”

“You do hurt her, Drew,” Deidra pled. Drew looked at me with haunted eyes. I wasn’t sure what to say. He did hurt me, but it was okay. He knew when to stop, and the way he was after it, made it all worth it. Oh, god. What was I saying? I just told myself that it was okay for Drew to hit me because he’d be nice to me afterwards.

“Would you say that the times Drew has hit you over the past few months have become more frequent?” Deidra asked me.

Dropping my head, I answered in a quiet tone. “Yes.”

“Would you say that you’ve also changed over the last few months?”

“No, I don’t think so. Have I Drew?” I looked to my sad husband.

“You’re not silly with me anymore,” Drew admitted like it had just dawned on him.

“What do you mean?” Deidra asked while Drew and I stared at each other scared, afraid of what was happening to us.

“You’re back to just existing with me. I don’t want that.”

“What do you want, Drew? What does Morgan do that makes you happy? How do you want her to be?”

Drew shrugged one shoulder. “A couple months back, we left here after a pretty intense session. Morgan drove because I had a few drinks here.”

“Let’s go to McDonalds and get a happy meal.” I smiled, remembering my words and making Drew happy.

“I thought she needed comfort food, so I agreed. She literally ordered us two cheeseburger happy meals. We played doctor that night with the tiny toy flashlights. Mine broke in ten minutes.” Drew smiled at me with a crooked, gloomy grin. “I want that Morgan. I want the silly Morgan, the one that’s not afraid of me.”

“I’m not afraid of you, Drew.” I wasn’t afraid of him, was I?

“I think you guys have something special, I think you have a love for each other that most people never know. I also feel like you’re in a romantic entanglement, treading on dangerous territory. You’re going to snap, Drew. Something bad is going to happen. I can’t help you if you think you’re fine.”

“I’m not fine.” Drew admitted.

“Morgan, you have to realize, you cannot change Drew. You can only change the way you react to him. We’ll work on a few exercises, so you know better how to handle the situations. Remember that it’s not you. It’s deeper than that, rooted in multiple layers of Drew’s emotions and perspectives, and you can’t argue with logic with an unreasonable person. I don’t want you to try anymore. Okay?”

“Don’t try to talk him down?” I asked.

“You don’t do that,” Drew stated.

“What do you mean? Yes, I do?” I asked.

“What happened last week, Morgan, when I hit you? What happened right before I hit you?” He looked at me, trying to get me to remember.

“You got mad at me because I didn’t want to give Nicholas his way.”

“No, after that, after I argued with you?”

“You’re going to blame me because you hit me?”

“No, Morgan. That’s not what I am asking you. I am asking you what you said to me right before I hit you. I’m just trying to get you to see the pattern too.”

“I yelled, ‘Fuck you,’ to you.”

“Yeah, that’s not going to be part of the exercise,” Deidra explained. “That’s probably not the best thing to come back with when you’re dealing with an abusive man.”

“Will you stop calling me that?” Drew asked.

“No. I want you to hear that word. I want you to hate that word and separate yourself from it, avoid it like the plague.”

“You don’t think leaving him is an option, do you, Morgan?”

“No.”

“It is. It’s always an option and there are lots of things you can do to keep him away from you, however, I know that’s not what you want. What would it take for you to leave him? What would be that last straw, the breaking point? Look at me, Morgan,” Deidra ordered when I turned to Drew.