Undeniably Asher (The Colloway Brothers Book 2)(17)

One: Your whole body lights up like the Fourth of July around him.

Two: You’ve been half in love with him for eight years.

Three: You feel alive for the first time since Beck.

Four: It’s time. It’s time to let yourself be vulnerable again. And why not with him?

Shit.

I’m a very big list person. Always have been as long as I can remember. I make lists for everything. Groceries, to-dos, books I own, books I want, short- and long-term goals I want to accomplish. You name it, I have a list for it. And before I make any big decision, I make a very comprehensive pros and cons list, even before dating a man. I don’t even realize I’m doing it half the time.

So before I started my business, of course I made a list. The cons far outweighed the pros, but I went for my dreams anyway, because if you don’t go for your dreams you’re just left with regret. And I’ve lived with enough regret to fill up my small house two times over. But even if my business fails, at least I can say I gave it my all. My blood, sweat, and tears will be soaked into the matted, dirty carpet before I close the doors. I think that’s why I stayed with Finn so long. When I go for something, I’m all in and I don’t like to admit failure. Who does?

As I think about my pros and cons list for Asher Colloway, I know there are so many more things I can add to the cons column if I give it some thought. That little number three on the pros list is what has me hesitating, though. You feel alive for the first time since Beck. Asher sets my very blood on fire and no one, not even Beck, has done that.

When Asher had me cornered in the kitchen of his mom’s house, I’d forgotten what it was to genuinely be turned on by a man from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I realize now that I’ve only been going through the motions all these years in my pathetic attempt to move forward, not look back.

His eyes and words challenge me. A man hasn’t challenged me in, well, ever. Even Beck didn’t challenge me. Until that December night so many years ago when he did a one-eighty, he was warm, compassionate, and loving. But never challenging.

How odd. I didn’t know what I was missing until I had a taste of it.

I absently shake my Magic 8 Ball, the one I’ve had since I was four years old, silently asking the same question over and over. Magic 8 is ever the optimist.





Me: Is this a smart idea?

Magic 8: Signs point to yes…You may rely on it…It is certain.





Hand to God, if it gave me even one negative answer, I’d be calling Asher to cancel.

It may look to the outside world that I’ve moved past the darkest time in my life, but I know the truth. I haven’t. Not really. I’m stuck in quicksand, fighting daily to not let myself be sucked completely into its dark, grainy nothingness.

Until I set eyes again on Asher Colloway, that is, and I felt my heart really beat.

God, I’m so scared to make the wrong decision. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Asher Colloway could hurt me. Badly. Probably even ruin me permanently for any other man.

But…

It’s the ‘but’ that has me wavering. Actually contemplating. It’s the ‘but’ that had me agreeing to this faux business meeting, against the stronger need for self-preservation.

But…he could be your salvation.

The doorbell rings and I quickly finish the last of my beer, dropping the empties into the recycling bin. I take a deep breath and head to the door, wondering to myself what lies on the other side.

My salvation…or my destruction.





Chapter 6





Asher





“I’m sorry to hear about your dad,” she says.

“Thanks.” I look down, trying to not let this subject ruin the great evening I’ve had with Alyse. “It’s always hard at holidays, especially on my mom.”

She nods. “I can relate. Even though my dad wouldn’t have won any father-of-the-year awards, he was still my dad, you know? He did the best he could given his…sickness.”

I don’t know what to say that won’t be perceived as mean. I hate how Livia and Alyse’s father used to put his own selfish desires ahead of his children. I could never understand how parents do that. It’s obvious that Alyse loved her dad, despite all his faults, and that only makes me like her all the more.

“We can’t choose our family.”

“True.”

“Do you want dessert?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood.

“God no. I’ll save my food coma for tomorrow,” she laughs.

Success.

“Do you want another beer?”

She hesitates for a moment before declining. Damn. It’s only a little after ten and I’m not ready to call it a night. I can’t remember when I’ve enjoyed myself more on a date when I knew beforehand I wasn’t going to get laid at the end of it. As much as I’d like to make a move on her, I won’t, because strangely enough, I want that even more. I want the anticipation of claiming her for the very first time. More and more I think that’s exactly what this is.