Twisted Together (Monsters in the Dark #3)(6)

How much does he expect in return?

I would gladly pay anything to show him my eternity of gratitude, but I couldn't deny I was different.

Q clenched his jaw; his five o'clock shadow was thick. The stress of the past few months decorated both our faces, and I feared we'd never go back to who we were.

"I told you not to lie to me. You can't fool a seasoned bastard like me. Do you think I can't smell your tales?" His voice rasped, bringing comfort and reprimand.

Dropping my eyes, I focused on the room rather than him. The huge bed cocooned us in a sea of black sheets, and if I looked up to the ceiling, the silver chains from where he'd secured and fucked me glinted in the new dawn.

The fireplace of hunted deer and the mirrored chest at the foot of the bed granted a strange blend of trepidation and homeliness. Both emotions plaited together, forever linked where Q was concerned.

My eyes fell on the chest holding Q's myriad of toys. Toys he'd locked away. Will I ever crave pain the same as before?

The memory of forcing him to orgasm overwhelmed me. The carpet burn on my knees, the ache in my jaw as I sucked his cock, the salty taste of him as he exploded down my throat. I missed the passion. I missed the inhibitions between us. I miss liking pain.

"I'm not lying. I truly am better. I don't need a bath."

"Then what do you need?" He reached for my hand, planting it over his left pectoral. The heat of his skin set fire to my fingertips; I couldn't stop staring at the sparrows and barbwire on his chest.

"I need you," I whispered, wishing for the burn, the overwhelming sexual hunger. However, it was scarily absent. Either my libido hadn't woken up or that too was broken.



       
         
       
        

You know what's broken. You just don't want to acknowledge it.

I slapped the voice away, raising my eyes.

Q sat stonily, looking part-sculpture, part-monster. "Yet another lie. Qu'est-ce que je vais faire de toi?" What am I going to do with you? Leaning forward, his pale eyes searched mine, tearing through my defences, uncovering things I never wanted him to see.

"I told you to stop lying to me."

"And I don't."

He snorted, his mouth tightening.

I said, "There is such a thing as too much knowledge. Give me time, then I'll have no need to keep things from you."

"I gave you time before and look what happened. You built a fortress and blocked me out. You were so damn cold, so fucking untouchable. Forgive me if I don't trust you won't do it again." Q's hand flew up, his fingers latching around my throat.

I froze, battling two emotions: I knew Q wouldn't hurt me-not like Leather Jacket-I knew it was love driving him to anger. But I couldn't stop the panic bubbling in my veins or my wide eyes from giving away too many secrets. I was a victim, and Q didn't do well with brokenness.

His gaze darkened as my heart thrummed under his thumb. "For God's sake, Tess. You can't even let me touch you. How ever did you let me fuck you yesterday?"

I bit my lip to keep from spilling my dirty lies. I let Q hit me yesterday as he needed to remember himself before it was too late. I gifted my pain and would gladly do it every night for the rest of my life to keep him happy. But I would have to fake it. Fake something that before was as much a part of me as inflicting pain was for Q. We'd been the perfect mirror image of each other, and now the image was dimmed, clouded.

When he took me yesterday, I forced the memories and horrible history away. When he hit me, the clenching of my insides wasn't from pleasure, but instead from panic. I allowed Q to believe it was lust.

I didn't want to hurt him. He didn't need to know my dreadful secret. It would break his heart and wedge a canyon between us. Time would heal me. Time would fix everything.

It would.

I had to believe that.

Keeping my voice as steady as possible, I said, "I love it when you touch me. And sleeping with you yesterday meant the world to me." I brought my arm up, breaking his contact around my throat. Flashing my diamond ring in his face, I added, "You proposed yesterday. You offered me your life, your fortune. Everything you've done for me, I'll never be able to repay. Let me try to find normalcy by loving you and accepting everything you need to give me."

Q scowled. "You're saying you would happily let me string you up and use the cat o' nine tails on you right now?" His gaze glinted. "You would grow wet for me and pant for my cock just like you did before?" 

My heart galloped. Why did he have to ask such probing questions? He knows. I was stupid to think he didn't. Did he guess I no longer craved the delicious line of pain and pleasure? "Yes," I breathed. "I would give you everything. Just like you've given me."