Torn (Connections #2)(22)

I twist around with all my strength to free myself from his grip. "There is no but. I trusted you to always be honest with me."

His face pales, his jaw drops and his forehead wrinkles. "What I didn't tell you has nothing to do with honesty and trust, but what you did by coming here-that does."

Irritated, I step back into him, now only inches away. "Are you kidding me? You're going to turn this back around on me? I don't think so."

"Dahlia, I think we need to talk about all of this. Let's just leave your car here and go."

"What exactly is 'all of this'?"

"I want to know why you came here to see him without telling me, without bringing me-why you would sneak out when I was sleeping."

I shake my head as his eyes narrow on me.

He grabs my hand. "Come on, we're leaving."

With so much pain and anger welling up inside me, I know I can't have this conversation with him right now. Feeling strangled, out of breath, I take a step back and free my hand from his. I trusted him completely-and he kept this from me. I have to calm down and figure out what that means. At the same time I can't help looking into his mesmerizing green eyes. I can't handle seeing my own fear and anger reflected in his eyes any longer. His stare intensifies and he's looking at me, and I mean really looking at me, as if willing our connection to fix all of this.

I swallow a few times before forcing myself to look away. "No River, I can't talk to you when we're like this. I know we will both say things we don't mean. We need time to figure our anger out before we sit down and have a conversation."

He tries to yank me flush to his body. His voice shakes with fury. "I don't need time to figure anything out. I get it. You left me a note. You ran here the first chance you got to see him! Was it a happy reunion   or were things just getting started?"

I have never heard this kind of furious tone from him before, and, without any control, I pull back and slap him. "I told you I'm not having this conversation right now. Listen to yourself!"

Stomping over to my door, I get in, turn the key, and start to shake uncontrollably. I watch him through the window as he stands there in shock with his hand on his face. I want to get out of the car and say I'm sorry. I want to throw my arms around his neck and kiss him. I want him to hold me forever, but I am stuck in the moment, suspended between right and wrong, what should be and shouldn't be. I know he's questioning things, questioning Ben's reappearance, and how it will affect us.

We just need to calm down. I'm still trying to wrap my head around what's happening. Ben is a stranger to me; he did things I never imagined my Ben would do. And River kept something huge from me. It's not even what he kept secret that bothers me; it's the simple fact that he kept anything from me in the first place.

When "Amazing Grace" suddenly plays on my phone, I look down startled that my phone is lying on the console, plugged into the charger, but not surprised. River must have put it in here when he got to Grace's. I shut my eyes and exhale a deep breath. I am wishing this day could start over as I listen to the same ringtone that started me on the path to where I am right now. I look toward the house and Grace stands there, her phone in hand. I silence my phone, turn it off, and drive away.



       
         
       
        

I turn the radio on hoping to drown out my thoughts with music. When I hear Bruce Springsteen's "Born to Run," I blast it. I've never been one for confrontation and what just happened felt more like a war. I can't face the truth right now-the truth that the two men I trusted most in my life, lied to me. Not knowing where to go, I drive toward the rising sun.





Chapter 6

Remember When

Ben's Journal




Yesterday didn't go exactly as I had planned. I can't believe how much I let that prick get under my skin. I have this feeling that I know him and I can't seem to shake it. Sleep proved impossible so I headed to the beach, still thinking about what he said and what it meant. Just as I was about to walk over the old bridge, Dahlia pulled into the driveway. When I saw her I thought she was coming back to me-that she had missed me as much as I had missed her. I waited for her to get out of the car and come running to me, but instead she approached cautiously. I saw the trepidation in her eyes and I hoped she wasn't scared. I wanted to take her in my arms and assure her it was me, tell her I was back for her, but I didn't. She felt too distant, too far removed.

Even though I was stoked she was still wearing my bracelet, seeing someone else's ring on her finger enraged me. My whole flight back home, all I could think about was putting my ring back on her finger, marrying her, and finally having a family together. I figured she must have taken my ring off when I heard from Caleb that she was with some jackass. My suspicions were confirmed when I asked Mom if she knew anything about my ring and she told me she had tucked it away. Fuck! That hurt. Dahl didn't even keep it.