Torn (Connections #2)(21)

Ignoring my questions he doesn't falter in his resolve. "I did it for you . . . I kept it as an insurance policy . . . just in case."

Screaming at him, my whole body shaking, I tell him what I really believe to be the truth. "You didn't do shit for me, Ben. It was for you. You've always done everything for yourself and don't try to fool yourself into thinking anything different because I don't. And what you just told me proves it."

In an attempt to redeem himself he says, "You're not hearing me. I didn't do anything for myself. In fact, I wish I was there when that asshole attacked you because I would have fucking killed him. But I'm back now to protect you so it won't happen again."

"I don't need that kind of protection from you. Don't you get it? I have someone who will protect me."

I see his jaw tighten and he moves to grab my left hand. At the sight of my engagement ring his eyes narrow. "Then why didn't he protect you?"

I look at him in disbelief. "Protect me from what? The mess that you made? How would River even know?"

With a cocky grin he says, "You don't know-do you? He knew. Caleb chased the shooter out of our house the night before your attack. Then he told that prick you've been playing house with to watch out for you, but obviously he didn't. Luckily, the FBI caught the shooter, the guy that attacked you, that same afternoon. I guess you weren't told that, either. That's how all of this transpired. My shooter was the key, once they caught him all the pieces fell into place and the cartel's operation was brought down."



       
         
       
        

I yank my hand away and yell one final time, "Enough! Just stop!"

"No Dahl, I won't. You need to hear me out."

I can't hear anymore. Or think anymore. Right now I'm feeling only one thing-betrayed. Any residual pain from my injuries is completely subdued as this new pain courses through my body. Ben left me all alone, left me to mourn him, and he was never really dead. River knew who attacked me. Someone broke into my house again. And River didn't tell me any of this. As this despair courses over my deepest wounds, the word trust rings in my ear. I trusted Ben-was I wrong? I trust River-am I wrong? I have an overwhelming urge to escape this madness.

So I gather my socks and shoes, knowing I have to get away from here, that I've heard enough. He pretended to die because of something he was doing to further his career, he kept information that put me in danger, and now he wants to protect me. Is he kidding me? I believed in him. Now I wonder if I ever really even knew him-the Ben I thought I knew would never have left me alone for any reason.

He reaches for me, but I twist away. "Stop! Don't touch me!"

As I leave he calls after me, "Don't walk out of my life. I know I don't deserve you but not having you will . . ."

He doesn't finish or maybe he does and I just don't hear what he says because I've stopped listening. I'm too distracted by my own thoughts. I can't believe what he told me is true. I try to focus on the water crashing against the rocks instead of feeling the heavy burden of betrayal. And as I walk back to the old weathered planks, any confusion I might have had about Ben when I arrived is gone. I have nothing left to say to him. But my confusion has shifted to River. Does he really know everything Ben said he does?

I cross the threshold from the beach to my safe haven and look over at Grace's house. Now is the time to remove any shadow of doubt because River is there, standing in the driveway. He's leaning against my car with his arms folded and head down. He raises it just as I pass his car. I'm a mere ten feet away from him when his eyes graze the length of my body and then snap back up to mine.

His jaw tight, he spits out, "How was your little chat? Did you find out everything you needed to know?"

I'm taken aback by his hostility so I freeze. Before we get into any discussion over my coming here I need to put Ben's accusations to rest. With my heart racing, I ask, "Do you know the identity of the man who attacked me?"

His body straightens and his eyes are cautious. He swallows before nodding his head. At that moment something inside me erupts as my trust in him starts to erode and an anger fiercer than I have ever felt surfaces. My fists clench without conscious thought as I storm toward him. I slam my hand on the hood of my car and his eyes dart to mine. I get as close as I can to him and with a craziness I never knew I had in me I scream, "You knew! You knew who attacked me! And you didn't tell me!" 

Shock and alarm cross his face but he immediately composes himself. He grabs me and pulls me to him. Clutching my shoulders tightly, his eyes travel across my face. "Yes I knew, but . . ."