Thoughtful(154)

“If you’d given me two seconds, I was going to apologize for that. But you know what…now I don’t! I’m not sorry I said it.” Pointing around Jenny at her, I added, “You were out of line! You just don’t like that I’m dating!”

She gave me an incredulous expression. “Dating? Screwing everything that walks isn’t dating, Kellan! You don’t even bother learning their names. That’s not okay!” With narrowed eyes, she shook her head and spat out, “You are a dog!”

I was what? Was she kidding me? I was just about to rip her a new one when Evan interrupted again. “She has a point, Kellan.”

Kiera and I both twisted to look at him. “What?” I felt like the blow to my head had jostled around some brain cells, and I was misunderstanding every word leaving every person’s mouth. There was no way Evan had just agreed with her. By the stern look on his face though, I knew I hadn’t misinterpreted anything. He thought I was a dog. Well, the truth was coming out left and right, wasn’t it? “You got something else to say to me, Evan?”

I backed away from Jenny and her hand fell from my chest. Evan’s expression became even harder as he stared me down. “Maybe I do. Maybe she’s right. And maybe, just maybe, you know it too.” I flinched at the truth in his words, and my own words froze up in my chest. Did Evan know what I was doing with all these random women? That I turned them into Kiera in my head? I didn’t see how he could possibly know that, but just the thought that he might sealed my mouth shut.

When I didn’t say anything, he added, “Why don’t you tell her why you’re so…free…with yourself? She might understand.”

Anger flashed up my spine. I was tired of people commenting on my life. It was mine. No one had the right to judge me on it but me. And I knew exactly what I was. “What the fuck do you know about it?” I snapped, taking a step toward Evan.

Evan’s face softened into sympathy. “More than you think I do, Kellan.”

I froze in place, unable to move. He wasn’t talking about Kiera. About my insane little fantasy where I turned every girl I touched into her. No…he was referring to something much deeper, much darker. I saw something in his eyes that I’d seen before…in Denny when he’d taken a blow for me. In Kiera, when I’d confessed how torturous my life had been with my parents. He knew. Fuck me, he knew. I had no idea how he’d found out…but Evan knew I sought comfort in sex because it was the only place I’d ever found it. He was calling me out, right now, but this was not something I wanted to talk about. Ever.

“Back off, Evan…I’m not asking. Back the fuck off.” I was about to snap, and if he pushed me right now, I’d take him with me.

Jenny reprimanded me on my language again, Kiera wanted to know what was going on, but all of my focus was on Evan. This is the moment, and the band is on the line. Drop it, Evan, before you ruin everything we’ve built.

Evan understood everything I wasn’t saying. With a sigh, he shrugged and said, “Whatever, man…your call.”

With a sniff, I minutely relaxed. He was dropping it. “Damn right it is.” Pointing my finger over all of them, I got us back to the topic that none of them had the right to chide me on. “How I date is none of your concern. If I want to screw this whole bar, you all—”

Kiera cut me off with a nasty screech. “You practically have!”

I matched her tone. “No! I screwed you!” In the sudden silence after my statement I heard Jenny sigh and Evan swear. My eyes never left Kiera though. Her cheeks were flushed and she was clenching her jaw so hard I could see the tension in her neck. When the room was quiet again, I told Kiera the truth. “And you feel bad about cheating on Denny.” I leaned over Jenny and she brought her hand to my chest again. “You feel guilty about having an affair, but you—”

“We are not having an affair! We made a mistake, twice—that’s it!”

My jaw dropped as I let out an exasperated exhale. Did she really believe that? “Oh, come on, Kiera! God, you are naïve. We may have only had sex twice, but we’ve most definitely been having an affair the entire time!”

She tossed her hands in the air like she really didn’t get it. “That makes no sense!”

I shook my head in disbelief. “Really? Then why did you so desperately want to hide it from Denny, huh? If it really was all so harmless and innocent, then why weren’t we open about our…relationship…to anyone?” I pointed at the closed door, behind which a hundred people were probably talking about us.