Thoughtful(137)

My hands froze as I stared at her. Did she seriously just say that to me? Our “safe word,” so to speak. As if she was reading my mind, she repeated herself, “I need a minute.”

Well, fuck.

I couldn’t move while I processed what the fuck had just happened. She panted underneath me while I stared her down. She’d done it to me again. She’d riled me up to the breaking point, then told me no. And, unless I was going to keep going with this and force her to relent to me, to us, I had no choice but to let her go. Shit.

“Shit!”

She flinched at my unexpected exclamation. I sat up, raking my hands through my hair while I tried to calm down. It wasn’t working. Every second I glared at her sprawled across my seat made me even more ticked off. What the fuck was she trying to do to me?

“Shit!” I snapped, smacking the door behind me as hard as I could.

She sat up nervously, refastening her jeans. Goddamn, we’d been so close. She wanted me, I knew she did. Why was she constantly tormenting me with something I couldn’t have? Because she was a fucking bitch. A teasing whore…that was why. “You…are…”

I shut my mouth before my temper could get the best of me. She wasn’t a bitch. She wasn’t a whore. She was in love with another man, a man I cared about. I couldn’t forget that. But, fucking hell, this hurt. The heated air in the car became stagnant, foul with pain, tension, betrayal. I couldn’t breathe. I needed out of this goddamn fucking car.

Opening the car door, I immediately stepped outside. The icy rain was a balm, but it didn’t squelch my anger. I could almost feel the drops sizzling on my infuriated skin. I redirected my ire to my car’s tire. I would need a stronger outlet, or I was going to turn my tongue on her. Bitch.

I kicked the tire as hard as I could. “Fuck!” It relieved some of the pent-up tension, so I did it again. “Shit! Motherfucking piece of fuck shit! God fucking damn it to fucking hell shit!” I knew Kiera was watching my nonsensical ranting, but I was too far gone to care. Fuck my fucking life. Walking away from the car, I clenched my fists and screamed my rage and frustration into the empty street. “FUUUUCK!!”

Fuck, I was yelling obscenities on the street corner like some fucking drama queen. I needed to calm the fuck down. I raked my fingers through my hair again, resisting the urge to pull chunks of it out of my scalp. Tilting my head up to the sky, I tried redirecting my focus. Only think about the raindrops. Only listen to the sound of the rain pelting the earth. Only feel the chill. Don’t think about her. Don’t think about her lips. Don’t think about her body. Her smile. Her laugh. Her eyes…the way she looks at you. The way she looks at him. Fuck.

I lowered my hands but kept my palms up, absorbing every drop. Only think of the rain. There’s just the freezing, ice-cold rain. You. The rain. Nothing else.

“Kellan?”

Fucking-A.

My brief moment of zen vanished at hearing her voice. You ripped my heart out twice in the span of forty-eight hours. The least you could do is give me a fucking moment of silence to get my shit together! I raised my finger to her, hoping she took the hint and left me the fuck alone. She didn’t.

“It’s freezing…please come back to the car.”

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Five minutes? I only get five fucking minutes without her in my fucking head? Rain. Rain. Just rain. Calm down. Still not able to look at her, still not able to speak, I shook my head. Take the fucking hint, Kiera. I don’t want to be anywhere near you right now, but I still can’t leave you alone out here, so I’m fucking stuck with you in my car, my home, and my fucking heart!

Rain. Just rain…

“I’m sorry, please come back,” she called out from the car.

Oh my fucking God, please let her shut the fuck up before I completely lose my fucking mind. Rain…rain…rain…

I heard her mutter, “Damn it,” then I heard her getting out of the car.

Un. Fucking. Believable. She couldn’t even give me this? What a fucking bitch. Opening my eyes, I glared at her as she approached me. I wondered if I looked as ticked as I felt. I must have, because her steps were small, tentative. “Get back in the car, Kiera.” In my attempt to remain civil, I spat each word out between clenched teeth.

She looked nervous as she swallowed, but she shook her head. “Not without you.”

Still so fucking stubborn. All peaceful thoughts of raindrops on sidewalks fizzled from my brain. Rage pounded through every muscle, vibrating them with tension. “Get in the damn car! For once, just listen to me!” I yelled that so loudly, my throat ached. I was going to be raspy for the concert tomorrow night. Great. One more fucking problem she’d caused me.