This All Happened(69)

            His armpit?

            Lydia: His spirit.

            In bed, we’re honest. She says I’ve only ever lied to you once. She says, I wanted you to come over to me and kiss my cheek and say, I’m here for my baby, in my ear.

            I thought if I’d done that you’d have been embarrassed at such a public display.

            But that’s discreet, she says. She says, Why did you walk away from me and Wilf?

            I didnt feel a part of it. I dont like seeing you stoned, you laughing at not-very-funny things.

            At 5:15 I’m still awake, walk around the house, I massage Lydia’s feet.

            21 In the morning she asks if we made love last night. This too angers me. She could have slept with someone and not known. I ask about the lie. Lydia said it was with a guy who had a girlfriend.

            It struck me that I knew who it was.

            She says, Youre not upset, are you? It was nearly two years ago, before we were going out.

            I say, You have to understand that I had decided on you. You might not have been going out with me, but I was going out with you.

            But you knew I wasnt going out with you.

            Lydia lingering on Wilf’s knee.

            She wants me to relax, be comfortable. Get to know her friends more.

            22 In the porch doorway we argue. It begins with me following Lydia down, wanting a kiss before she leaves. She says she can’t because of the towels: all the towels in her bathroom were gone. And I felt like I couldnt say anything to you because you’d take it the wrong way and write it down in that journal.

            You read it.

            Yes.

            Lydia.

            Everything you write about me is rotten.

            I write down things that vex me. I dont write down the good things.

            Well, why dont you?

            Happiness is too hard to write and boring to read.

            She won’t kiss me before her run. Only as a begrudging against-her-will kiss. I say, Not even a neutral kiss?

            You mean like kissing a statue?

            No, youre right. It’s all or nothing when it comes to a kiss.

            23 I roll my trunks inside a towel and drive down to Lydia’s. There’s a strong wind in the tops of trees. Leaves add so much sound. The tomato plants have sprouted.

            Lydia is sitting on a cooler, clipping her toenails.

            We drive out to Horse Cove. I spot Max’s truck stopped in at Jardine’s. They are buying fudgesicles. A man, bare-chested, is slicing bologna. He is singing.

            Max says, The Jardines are full of music.

            We take the route to St Thomas and then Laurie Road after the guardrail.

            The shale cliffs tossed vertical.

            I put together a salad at Horse Cove.

            We swim and play Scrabble. Daphne gets two seven-letter words in a row. Drinking rum and orange juice. The kids throwing rocks at the boulders, to have them bounce back.

            When did you first think of Max?

            Daphne: First time I clapped eyes on him. I said, That man I’m gonna marry.

            Are you getting married?

            Max: After the baby.