This All Happened(68)

            16 We sleep in the tent in Daphne’s backyard at Brigus. I am making notes about how the rock is tilted into the sea, the grain of rock on an angle, like a giant’s handwriting. Daphne in her maternity dress frying blood pudding and pancakes with Max’s partridgeberries. Out the window I can see the gentle curve of Brigus. I can see where the sealing ships would lie at anchor to dry their sails. A second pot of coffee on. Sun and wind. The night wind was strong, slapping the tent fly like a sail. A few dangerous moments of wet windshield, headlights from other cars refracting on the wet, making it hard to see the road, the median. Reaching for my wipers.

            A note from Lydia. I read it as soon as I got the fire going. She had jogged through Brigus with my baby inside of her. She was definitely pregnant. Running and pregnant with my baby. And then she felt her period start.

            I feel my own blood sink, a depression that a ritual had begun. I realize that I had wanted her to be pregnant. There was only remorse, no relief, at the news.

            17 Lydia sad and sick from her period, doesnt want to play soccer. Oliver Squires, after a bad kick: It’s like a Heisenbergian particle, you concentrate on its placement and the velocity is shot to hell.

            Oliver challenges Max in the Tely Ten road race. Oliver ends up passing out from dehydration. Oliver back from a week in Mexico, his face seems to be slowly crumpling, his good looks turning sour. Abundant nostril hair, pushed in eyes.

            I watch Max lift to head a ball, but instead he sneaks his fist up to his neck and punches it upfield.

            18 I water Iris’s flower boxes using the shower nozzle through the bathroom window. I watch a plane descend and, for a blink, the sun goes out. Beyond the fence Boyd Coady is growing snow peas.

            Lydia calls and says, Thanks, Gabe.

            Youre welcome.

            It’s beautiful. It’s so cute and excellent quality.

            What are we talking about?

            Your little television.

            Lydia.

            I found it this afternoon.You know, I thought I didnt want to live with a TV, but

            Lydia. I didnt get you a TV.

            Lydia: There’s a television in the living room. Well, perhaps someone else left you the television. What?

            I drive down and there it is. A very good, portable TV.

            I think we should call the police, she says.

            Just think, first, I say.

            19 I am fishing with Max. At one point the outboard motor stalls. I try to remember my childhood knowledge of choke and gas and ignition. I get it going. Like remembering youve memorized a poem and can recite it years later.

            We fish for salmon on the last day of the season. Max lands a black fighter, about four pounds. We store him in the cooler and climb to Mount Misery. We scan over two hundred square

            miles of land. The distant ponds agreeing to the topographical map. I tell Max about Lydia almost pregnant, and he sees I’m sad. He says, But you were both happy about it. That’s a terrific sign. And perhaps that’s the lesson offered, not failure but a signal that youre ready.

            20 Lydia calls from Wilf Jardine’s at 1:15. She’s too stoned to walk so I suggest getting her.

            I stand in the porch but she doesnt see me. She has her hand on Wilf’s knee. She’s drawing his attention. Someone tells Lydia, Gabe’s here.

            Sitting on the bathroom sink at home brushing her teeth she says, I’m really attracted to Wilf. Can you see why?

            I describe his rough energy. But that’s not it, she says. It’s more his armpit.