Thin Love(37)

“I can tell.”

When Kona saw Dr. Michaels slip open the curtain and whisper something to a nurse, he stood up, arms squeezed tight across his chest and Keira was next to him; her shoulder bumping his arm. Just then, if he wanted to touch her, he knew she would fit perfectly underneath him. His chin on her head, her small body against his chest, set like a puzzle.

“Steven really is one of the best.” Her voice chased the thoughts of her against him from his mind. “Your grandpa is in good hands.”

Dr. Michaels offered him glance and Kona thought he might come out with an update, but the doctor only looked at Keira, gave her a nod and then disappeared behind the curtain. It wasn’t until Kona saw the small ripple of the floral curtain move closed that he returned to his seat with Keira at his side.

“He was unconscious when I found him.” Kona stretched out his long legs, brushed his feet against Keira’s before his elbows moved to his knees. “He was supposed to meet me at the Maple Leaf. Rebirth was playing and he likes the trumpets.” Kona’s words moved automatically, each recall scarier than the next, but his voice was distant and to him, weak. “He didn’t show and I got worried.” He didn’t react when Keira fit her fingers between his. He liked how natural they felt against his, how the slide of her soft skin sent a small vibration into his knuckles. “If I’d picked him up—”

“Kona, don’t do that shit. Seriously.”

“I’m just sayin.”

“Yeah and it won’t help. You’ll work yourself up with all the ‘If Only’ crap. Trust me, I know.”

He looked at her, eyebrow raised. There was something on Keira’s face; some weird expression that Kona didn’t know how to read. She was looking for something, asking a question Kona wasn’t sure he wanted to answer, but Keira wasn’t a coward, that much he’s learned about her. And then, that curious expression shifted, the uncertainty replaced by decision.

“I was supposed to be with my dad the night he died.” Her voice was a whisper, barely lifting between her wet lips. Keira watched the floor, eyes steady without a single blink and Kona understood this was her helping. That bare look leveled him, kept his gaze on the slow movement of her mouth. “He wanted to take me to Biloxi for the weekend, but Leann had tickets to Babyface.” Kona couldn’t help but laugh, it slipped out and he thought he’d missed his chance, that she would retreat. He relaxed when Keira’s smile widened to dent her cheeks. “Don’t give me that look. ‘Whip Appeal’ was the truth when I was ten.”

Kona liked Keira’s smile. He liked her relaxed, but he knew she’d been heading toward something, moving close to an admission that would fill in the pieces she always kept from everyone. The time at the hospital had them both bare, exposed and Kona took a leap, wanting her with him, honest, just as raw as he was.

“How’d he die?”

Her shoulders fell as she released what was left of her indecision. She didn’t trust him, he knew that. They were barely classmates, but this was life, this moment when death lingered, when emotions are heightened by fear, by the worry that tomorrow would irretrievably change life as you know it.

“Bloody.” The word came out behind a long breath.

Kona was caught in her stare, in that steely way she challenged him, told him he was skirting too close to what she wanted to keep to herself. But he still moved his arm behind her shoulder on the seat. It was all he could do. Even when he was weak, even when he thought she could be a tether to what little grip of sanity he was clinging to, Kona wanted to shield her from the pain that her father’s death still caused.

Keira didn’t brush his arm away, she didn’t reject the small, useless comfort he offered, but she did sigh, did rub her neck as though she didn’t like remembering that day. “He took the easy way out, Kona. He was sick and couldn’t face it. I told you, I don’t like to talk about it.” He didn’t push. He didn’t want to do anything that would have her retreating again. He didn’t want her walking away, so he nodded, looked up at the ceiling and tried to ignore Dr. Michaels slipping out behind that curtain.

“So I went to see Babyface with Leann and I spent years beating myself up, telling myself that if I’d just spent the weekend with him, maybe he would still be here, like a ten year old has any freaking idea how to handle that shit.” Eyes back to her, Kona kept his gaze on those quickly moving lips. “The point is, what happens, happens the way it’s supposed to, when it’s supposed to and unless you got your medical degree in high school, there wouldn’t have been anything you could have done. We all get to where we are the way we’re supposed to.”