Then There Was You(15)

Her gaze fixed on mine as if she were reading me like a book. But her stare wasn’t that of judgment. She looked at me with empathy, like she understood. I didn’t quite know how or why, but it seemed as if there was finally another person who would maybe understand.

“Look, Chris. I read your file. I never interpreted any of your charges in the way you’re describing it. I saw a kid who made a few mistakes, a misunderstood teenager who needs people to look past a few bad decisions and see him for what he really is, and a kid with a heart for life and a passion for music. I also saw an honorable guy who would do anything to protect someone he cares about. Am I wrong about that?”

Shit. “No.”

“I didn’t think so,” she said softly. “Can you tell me about her?”

Jesus. I didn’t want to have to talk about it, but something about that woman made me forget to keep my fucking mouth shut. “I don’t understand it myself,” I said, opening my big mouth.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

Here we go. Shut up, Chris. Just shut up. But before I knew it, the words came tumbling out. “I mean, I walked into that school hoping to drift invisibly down the halls. I wasn’t there to make friends. All my friends were at Southside. I couldn’t care less about all those spoiled little douchebags at East. Then I saw her, and my plan to be invisible came crumbling down. I didn’t want to care about her. I tried to keep my distance, but I couldn’t help it. Before I knew it, I was writing fucking lyrics about her… couldn’t get her out of my head. Then that asshole boyfriend of hers couldn’t keep his hands off her and I lost my shit. I did it for her and I’d do it again. I don’t understand it… her… us. All I know is that she meant everything to me.” I glanced up at her. She was watching me, nodding her head. She doesn’t think I’m crazy. She believes me.

“I can tell you really love her,” she said softly. She understands me.

I sighed, “Yeah, something like that…”

And then she had to go and ask the hard question.

“Did she feel the same way about you?”

Fuck.

Yes. No. Maybe. “It’s complicated,” I finally responded.

“What do you mean by that?”

Damn. Simple answers don’t satisfy this lady at all, do they? “I mean, it’s fucking complicated. Yeah, I think she loved me back, but she had too much going for her to get mixed up with a convict like me. She was on her way to App State and I was on my way to juvie… there’s nothing simple about that. We were living in two different worlds that would never blend. I don’t think either of us expected to fall in love, but…” I shifted in my seat. My heart pounded in my chest just talking about her. “But when we did fall in love, it was like the whole fucking world had tilted on its axis. You can imagine the uproar the town would be in to see a college bound princess on the arm of a convicted felon.”

She placed her elbows on her legs and clasped her hands in front of her. Resting her chin on her knuckles, she leaned toward me. “That really bothers you, huh? The way people view you?”

Fuck that shit. “No, it doesn’t. I don’t give a damn what people think.”

The crease in her eyebrows told me she was frustrated. With herself? With me? I wasn’t sure. But she seemed to back pedal a little.

“Tell me more about how you ended things with her.”

“We didn’t end anything. Kaitlyn and I walked away from each other that night with our hearts fucking shattered.”

Mrs. Honeycutt nodded her head. “I get it. Heartache is the worst kind of pain.”

Her canned smile and stormy eyes told me this woman knew pain. I could see it in those dark, brooding irises of hers. Maybe she and I would get along after all.

“Yeah,” I said.

She glanced at the clock.

Our time had almost come to an end. Maybe next time I won’t spend so much time being such a dick. I mean, she’s trying… the least I can do is play nice.

She grinned again, but this time it wasn’t canned. It was an honest-to-God smile, holding a joyfulness that reached her eyes. In response, one corner of my own mouth tugged into a half-grin with a true glimmer of happiness—something I hadn’t felt in days.

Maybe Fairbanks won’t be so bad after all.





Getting a kid to open up on the third meeting like Chris just did was nearly unheard of at Fairbanks. Juvie was a tough gig when it came to getting kids to expose their raw emotions like that. I saw something in Chris that day—something I couldn’t quite put my finger on—but I knew enough to know he’d be making a lot of progress during his time at Fairbanks.