The Struggle(14)

My scream gave out and the light flickered once before falling to the broken floor like shimmery paint thrown into the air.

Alex and Aiden were on their backs. So was Luke.

And my father was gone.

~

I didn’t remember leaving the house.

The next thing I knew I was standing on the rocky cliff that overlooked frothy, white-capped waves.

My knees shook as the sun crested on the horizon, turning the waves from blue to pink, and then my legs gave out. Knees cracked off the hard soil and I fell back, landing on my butt.

Too exhausted. Too shell-shocked. Too . . . too everything. I didn’t move. Couldn’t. My eyes stung. They were so dry, yet so full of tears burning straight through the sockets. Slowly, I lifted my gaze to the deep blue sky.

Apollo had lied to me.

He’d lied to me this entire time. He’d tried to explain himself to me in those blurry moments after he’d told me my mom was . . . that she was dead.

He’d claimed that the lie had been necessary. For my own good. He’d said that I’d been under a lot of stress. That I needed to keep it together so I would be safe. He even said that when he’d looked at me in the dorm room for the first time as my father, he couldn’t bear to see me hurting more than I already was.

He promised me that she was in paradise.

These were the words that felt like my skin was being tattooed with. None of those words made up for the lie, because this whole time, for months, I’d been living as if my mother was alive and safe. I believed I would see her again, and I would hug her. I would get to tell her that I now believed those stories she’d used to tell me, the ones that I’d attributed to her sickness. Now I wouldn’t.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I pressed my lips together as another roar of rage, another scream of pain built in my chest. I was here and my mom . . .

She was gone.

She’d been gone for a long time now, and I had no idea. I went on with my life and hers had ended. How hadn’t I known? How could that even be possible?

Shifting forward, I planted my hands in the soil as my chest ripped open once more. The pain was so potent it was tangible, a bitter coating in my mouth and throat.

Everyone was gone now.

My grandparents. Erin, my roommate who also happened to be a furie. Solos. My mother. Seth.

A tremble rattled my arms as my fingers dug into the soil, scratching up nothing but dust. He should be here. The moment those words entered my thoughts, I couldn’t push them away or forge them. Seth should be here for this—for me, because I needed him.

I needed him at this moment more than I ever had.

“Josie?”

Inhaling sharply, I opened my eyes at the sound of Alex’s voice. I didn’t look or speak, and after a few moments, I felt her draw close.

Alex sat beside me, drawing her knees to her chest. “I’m not going to ask if you’re okay. I know you’re not.”

Lowering my chin, I lifted a shaky hand and pushed a few loose strands back from my face. I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t find any words.

Silence stretched between us, and then Alex said, “I had to kill my mom.”

That got my attention.

My head swung sharply in her direction. She was staring out over the ocean, her pretty face pensive. Maybe I’d heard this story before. In that moment, I couldn’t remember if Deacon had told me. “Why?” I managed to croak out.

Smoothing back her deep brown hair, she rested her chin on her knees. “My mom had pulled me out of the Covenant when she learned that I was to be the Apollyon. We lived as ordinary mortals until a group of daimons found us. They attacked, and I had to run away, you know? I thought they’d killed my mom. Aiden and Apollo—well, Apollo was known as Leon back then, but anyway, they found me and brought me back to the Covenant. I didn’t really let myself process what I believed to be her death.”

Faint sunlight touched her cheeks. “It was easier just not to think about it. After all, I had a lot going on. Probably wasn’t the smartest thing, but I learned later that my mom wasn’t dead. She’d been turned into a daimon, and she was hunting us—hunting me.”

“Why was . . . why was she doing that?”

She pressed her lips together. “She knew what I was. She retained all that knowledge after she was turned into a daimon. It changed her. Made her evil. She thought if she turned me, she could control the Apollyon.” Alex drew in a stuttered breath. “Once I knew she’d been turned, it became my duty to kill her.”

I shook my head. “And you did?”

She nodded as she looked over at me. “She never would’ve wanted to become what she had, and I couldn’t let her be that way. I found her and . . . and it was the hardest thing I’d ever done.”