The Slave (Free Men Book 1)(24)

The bed dipped again, and a warm body pressed against my torso. Kai  wrapped his arm around my waist, settled his face at the back of my  neck, and held me close to him, letting me absorb some of his heat and  strength.

"That's right." Master's hand moved, petting us both in turn. "You two look so beautiful together."

Kai's arm stiffened around me, but his nervous response was belied by  the other stiffness I could feel pressing into my back. He had been  turned on by watching us, that much was undeniable. Whether his arousal  stemmed from watching me, or Master, or if only from the raw expression  of sexuality, the act of voyeurism, I couldn't say. In truth, I was  afraid to ask.

I was mostly recovered and close to falling asleep when Master told us  to return to our rooms. I tottered a little as I regained my feet, and  Master steadied me before handing me over to Kai with instructions to  see me safely to bed. Kai led me to his room, but if he wanted to argue,  or fuck, he was going to have to do it alone. I curled under the covers  and slept almost immediately. If he jerked himself off beside my  senseless body, it didn't wake me.





CHAPTER FOURTEEN





Master was away from home the next three nights, an almost unprecedented  absence. The first night Kai and I entertained ourselves well enough,  continuing his lessons in reading in the sanctuary of my chamber, a fire  roaring in the hearth and my bedding pulled around our shoulders. The  second night, however, seemed to drag, and by the third he could tell I  was moping. We still hadn't discussed what had transpired in Master's  chamber on our last night with him, and Kai hadn't touched me since.

"Are you judging me?" I asked quietly as we lay side-by-side in my bed in the darkness.

"What for?"

I scoffed. "You watched me get fucked, and you haven't said anything about it since."

Kai shifted under the covers. "What is there to say?"

"I don't know, but something."

"Do you want me to judge you?"

"No." I bit my lip. Wasn't the truth of the matter that I was judging myself?

Kai turned so he was facing me. I lay on my back, watching the muslin of  my canopy waft gently in the circulating air. "Tam.... I don't know  what to say."

"You seemed to like it at the time," I said roughly.

"I-I won't deny that." He sighed. "I feel like I'm being manipulated."

"By whom? Me?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. Both of you. But I don't think you mean to do it."

"You're not making any sense."

"Master wants us to have sex."

I nodded.

"That makes me not want to."

"Why not?"

"Because I feel like I shouldn't want to do anything he wants me to do."

"Still?" I turned. His breath was hot and sour across my face. "Kai, how long are you going to keep living like this?"

"I don't know," he whispered, his voice cracking.

I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him against me. "What if I said I wanted you?" I asked.

"I'd think you were lying to me to please him."

I kissed his head, buried my nose in his dark hair and inhaled his  scent. It was a couple of inches long now, with fine waves at the end.  It would be a veritable shock of curls when it was longer, and I thought  it would suit him immensely. The itchy stage had passed, and all that  was needed now was time. His muscles had grown soft from disuse, his  body no longer resembling that of a battle-worn soldier, although still  slim and compact. He was no longer chiselled in stone, but painted in  soft oils, and no less beautiful for it.

"It's not like I haven't seen you and him together before," Kai said.

"So why have you barely touched me since?"

"I don't know." He sounded miserable, and I wanted so desperately to  comfort him. That I was the cause of his misery pained me. I thought  we'd got over this, that he was starting to accept his new life. During  the daytime he seemed happy enough, but we were Master's property, and  we couldn't ever forget that fact. We were here to serve him, do his  bidding, and fulfil his desires. That Master still hadn't touched Kai  was something of a miracle: had he been sold to another, he would  probably have been raped a thousand times already, his body broken and  beaten until there was nothing left of the real Kai. Yet he still  refused to be grateful for what he had.

"It feels wrong," he said, distracting me from my unhappy thoughts.         

     



 

"What does?" I asked, instantly on edge.

"You and him, seeing you together. Shouldn't I feel jealous?"

"Do you?"

"I don't know. Yes, partly. I want to cut off his hands for daring to  touch you-and I know, before you say anything, I have no right to feel  like that. If anything, it should be him who feels that way about me."

"To be jealous, he'd have to care," I said bitterly.

"He cares, Tam. Only a fool wouldn't see that."

He doesn't care enough, I thought, but I kept it to myself.

"Partly, though...." Kai continued as though I hadn't spoken. "Partly I  liked it, and what sort of man does that make me? I liked watching you  with him. The way he flung you around." He grunted softly in the back of  his throat. "It was rough, but you didn't mind, did you?"

"No." I shook my head as much as our positions would allow. "Sometimes he needs it to be like that."

"And sometimes you do, too."

I nodded, glad he couldn't see my face.

"Why is this so complicated?" he asked, although I wasn't sure he was  expecting me to provide an answer. "The men in the army, they'd share  women, go to whorehouses together, and it meant nothing to them."

"That's because they didn't care," I pointed out. "Those women, they  were just holes for fucking. They meant nothing to those men afterwards.  I guarantee, if one of them slept with another's wife, they'd have  fought over the matter."

Kai chuckled. "You're probably right," he admitted. "But you're not my wife, Tam."

"I'd hope I'm more than a whore!" I said hotly.

"You know you are." He lifted his head to kiss me. "But you're his, and  whatever this is between us, we only have it because he lets us. I hate  feeling like I need his permission to touch you."

"You're his as well," I pointed out, but gently, because the subject was a sore one.

"Not in the same way you are."

"That's only because he won't insist. I'm sure he still expects you to be, when you're ready."

"What if I never am?" he whispered.

I frowned. "Do you hate him so much? Is there nothing about him you find appealing?"

Kai pressed his face into the crook of my neck, until I could feel the blush heating his cheeks.

"You do!" I declared, surprised and not a little pleased. "You like him, don't you?"

"He looks well enough," Kai admitted grudgingly.

I laughed-I couldn't help it. "He does that," I agreed. "And Kai, if only you'd let him touch you-"

"Stop!" Kai pushed me playfully, laughing. "Just because I said he was handsome doesn't mean I want him to... to...."

"Yes?" I bit my lip to quell my sniggers.

"You're impossible." I didn't need the room to be lighter to know he was glaring at me. "This is why I didn't say anything."

"Kai, I'm not angry." I petted his hair. "I love Master, I always have,  and I suppose I always will, but that doesn't mean there isn't a place  for you in my life as well. What we have, it's different to how it is  with him. And yes, he wanted this for us, but that doesn't mean it isn't  real. If I didn't like you, I don't think I could bring myself to touch  you unless he explicitly ordered it."

"And has he?" Kai asked.

I bit my lip. "Not in so many words."

"What does that mean?"

"It means he wanted it-you know that, he's said it to both of us. But he  hasn't ordered it. Whatever we're doing, it's real, it means something.  I want you to know that. And I hope you are growing to like him,  because I'm sure he likes you, and I don't want there to be any conflict  between us. I-I feel selfish, asking you to share me with him, but I  can't lie and tell you he means nothing to me, either."

"I don't want you to lie," Kai said. "And I don't want you to feel  guilty about your feelings for him. He was all you'd ever known since  you were so young. It would have been odd if you hadn't fallen in love  with him."

"You think that's all this is?" I asked. "You think I'm so weak I'd fall for the first man who said he owned me?"

"I didn't say that," he said sharply.

"But you're thinking it."

"I'm thinking how hot you two are together." Kai's voice dropped to a  throaty whisper, his words pouring into my ear like rich treacle.  "Watching the two of you, I didn't care about the rest of it-who feels  what for whom. I never wanted you to stop."