The Sidelined Wife(14)

"What does that mean?"

"You blew off my wave a few minutes ago."

"Sorry." I shrugged my shoulders. Just like last night, I wasn't sure  how to take him. "I didn't realize how sensitive you were about it."

He smiled. "Now you know."

"You've gotten touchy in your old age," I teased.

"Are we going to talk about my age again?"

"According to you, we only met yesterday. We've never discussed your age."

He chuckled. "Good point. Which means you don't know how old I am."

"And why does it seem to matter to you that I have a good approximation of your age?"

He swallowed hard. Any trace of a smile was wiped off his face.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes." He stepped close enough that I could smell his cologne. It was nice, like spicy dark chocolate.

I was disturbed I liked the way he smelled. I took a step back.

He erased my step and moved forward. "I want to be known for who I am now."

I let out a heavy sigh. "I can relate to that."

His smile was back. "Like I said, I've always liked Samantha Decker."

The way he said my name had me swallowing hard. "Seeing how we met yesterday, that's the only person you know," I stuttered.

"I should have specified the rules. I can remember my past."

"Whatever you say. I need to get to the office."

"I should get going too."

"Have a good day. Don't let anything happen to my baby."

"He probably wouldn't appreciate you saying that."

"Then don't tell him."

"I'll keep your secret."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'll see you later." He turned to leave, but didn't  quite make it. "Hey, I had a great time catching up last night. Maybe we  could do it again." His smile was different than before. Almost  sensual. That couldn't be.

I stared blankly at him, caught off guard by his invitation and smile.  "Um . . . I'm sure you would have more fun catching up with Peter."

"I doubt that." His shoulders slumped before stalking off.

I stood staring after him. I wasn't checking out his butt. Okay, so  maybe I noticed, but it was hard not to. Honestly, I was stunned and  perplexed. It's not like we were really friends growing up. Sure, we had  a nice time last night, but I didn't see us as the kind of friends that  had dinner together. But once again, I think I demoralized him. I was  going to do my best to stay away from the poor guy.

With swirling thoughts about my conversation with Reed going through my  head on the way to work, another man interrupted my thoughts. It wasn't a  welcome interruption, but I knew I had to take his call. Sharing a  child necessitated it. I wasn't completely surprised he was calling. I  had done the grown-up thing yesterday and emailed him a copy of Cody's  football schedule with a note telling him he really needed to make the  effort to attend at least the home games.

"Hello." I answered through the Bluetooth. The irony wasn't lost on me.

"Sam, it's Neil."

"Believe it or not, I know your number and voice."

"I wasn't trying to insult your intelligence. I was actually calling to check on you."

I shook my head. Did I hear him right? "Why?"

He cleared his throat. "I read your blog."

That was awkward. "Since when have you read our-my blog?"

"I'm the one who taught you HTML so you could set it up the way you wanted it."

That was true. It was hard sometimes to remember the good times. "I still don't understand why you're calling."

"Well, Roxie," he said her name with great unease, as he should have. I  wasn't fond of him mentioning her and he knew it. "She mentioned  something about an author, Autumn Moone, talking about you."

I laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"I didn't know Roxie could read."

His frustrated sigh came through loud and clear. "Petty doesn't work for you."

"I don't need you of all people lecturing me about my conduct."

"You're right. I apologize."

I didn't respond. He was right, it was petty, but I wouldn't admit it to him.

"Sam." He paused. "I want you to know that I never saw you the way you  expressed in your blog. If anything, I felt unworthy of you. Your beauty  only increased each passing year, while I settled into middle age."                       
       
           



       

All I heard were excuses. "Please stop. I can't take any more of your  lies." I'd heard this one before. He said he'd needed to feel young  again and desired. Blah, blah, blah. He never understood that I wanted  the aged version.

"I'm not lying," he raised his voice. "Do you think I wanted our lives  to turn out this way? I was willing to work on our marriage. You were  the one that kicked me out."

"You're having a baby with another woman. That was your choice," I shouted.

Silence on his end.

"I'm not hashing this out with you again, but don't you dare blame me  for this. I loved you, Neil, and gave you everything I had and sometimes  more. You threw me away, not the other way around."

"I am sorry. I don't know what else I can say."

"Not a thing. Goodbye."

"Hold on." His pause was longer than before. "Do you think you could  take down your blog post? You have to admit it's an embarrassment to me  and Roxie. And you aren't one to air dirty laundry out in public."

All I could do was laugh, that tired, angry, maniacal laugh. "For a  second, you had me fooled. I thought maybe you really were sorry, but  like always, you only care about yourself. The answer is no, I won't be  taking down that post. In fact, you can expect more. And if you were  worried about being embarrassed, you should have thought about that  before you decided to bed a girl that wondered why she was going to have  contractors when she gave birth instead of contractions."

"Could you please forget about that? She misread a pamphlet. It was an  honest mistake." He didn't believe a word he said. I could hear the  grating nerves in his voice. Neil valued intelligence and decorum. Roxie  had neither.

Maybe it was awful of me, but ever since Cody came home a few months ago  and told me about what Roxie had said, I'd been laughing about it, as  had everyone I told about it. Even Cody knew women had contractions.  That was the last time Cody ever spent a weekend with his dad. I think  he may have hated Roxie more than me. He came home early that weekend,  vowing never to have anything to do with his dad or Roxie and begging me  to get full custody. It was the first time Cody cried over the breakup.  My heart broke in ways I never knew it could that day. I wasn't sure if  or when those pieces would come back together.

"Neil, don't call me unless it has to do with Cody. Did you get the football schedule I sent you?"

"He doesn't want me there."

"He never will until you come. The more you stay away, the more he'll resent you."

"I'll see what I can do."

"We both know what that means. You're going to ruin the best thing you have going for you right now."

"It would seem that's what I'm best at." He hung up without another word.

At least he finally told the truth.





Chapter Thirteen


By the time I reached the office, I was shaking and crying. I swore I  wouldn't cry over Neil anymore, but there was a part of me that  desperately wanted him to acknowledge the pain he had caused me and  Cody. I wanted him to truly understand what he had done. Deep in my  heart, I knew he never would, but for a split second today I thought  maybe he got it. Once again, though, he disappointed me. I needed to  quit giving him that power.

I fanned my eyes and blew my nose, trying to get rid of the evidence of  my breakdown. Judging by the trucks in the parking lot, I knew my  brothers were there. It was one thing for Avery to see me in this state,  but the men in my life liked to pretend I was handling it. They were  fixers, and they knew this wasn't something they could make better. If  only they knew that they were making it better. Sometimes all I needed  was their arms, especially my dad's. And the way Peter and James took  Cody under their wings meant more to me than they would ever know.

With most of the evidence of my tears gone, I headed in, taking deep  breaths as I went. I was getting better, I reminded myself. I didn't  even wince this morning when I looked in the mirror and got ready. That  was progress. And Autumn Moone knew who I was, along with a bunch of  other women I didn't know. Not to mention there was that sneak peek to  read over and over again. Now I was sounding pathetic. But I was trying.

Avery's face lit up when I walked in, only to be doused when she took a  second glance at me. She came running around the front desk. "What's  wrong, honey?"

I apparently hadn't done a good job of hiding my episode. I should have  touched up my makeup, but I hadn't carried any around in months. I  figured, why bother? I couldn't even stand to look at me, so who else  could? I found myself wrapped up in Avery's toned arms. It had been a  frequent occurrence the past year, which made me feel guilty,  considering her own loss.