The Sex Surrogate(36)

“So sweet,” he said, lifting his head and kissing my arm. Then he released my body, reaching up to pull my arms from around his neck as he ever so slowly moved away from me then walked toward the bathroom.

I moved up onto the bed, pulling back the sheets and crawling in, rolling onto my side, away from where Chase usually rested, pulling my knees to my chest. I knew I should have been getting up and getting dressed. Getting out of there. But I couldn't bring myself to go.

I heard the water run and then the door open and close. The mattress bent under his weight and, almost as soon as he got in, he was behind me, his legs coming up under mine, his arm draping across me and taking my hand.

There was a silence for a long time and then, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

And no... at the same time.

“That was...” he paused, looking for the right word. But there weren't any right words. Words to describe what just happened didn't exist. “Spectacular,” he finally decided.

“Spectacular” didn't even come close.

But it was all there was.

I wiggled back into him and he pulled me tighter.

I let that moment hang. I wanted to let myself get lost in it. Just one more time. The last time. I wanted to feel his arms around me, his strong body holding me like I was fragile, like I was precious. I wanted his breath in my ear and his heartbeat against me. I wanted to wrap the comfort around myself like a blanket to fend against the cold days ahead.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, nuzzling my neck slightly. “You're tense. Talk to me.”

Alright.

Game face on.

No more playing at love.

Back to the real world.

“I was wondering about the next session.” And then his body went tense behind me. “Chase?” I asked, snuggling back toward him because he had pulled away enough for there to be space between us. It was a literal metaphor for the emotional space we would soon we feeling.

“Tomorrow is Friday.”

“Yeah.”

“Tomorrow I will take you out to a bar or club. You will dress for it. Whoever helped you with the dress tonight, if anyone, that's what you need to wear.”

“I can do that.”

“You'll meet me here and we will drive to the destination together. You can have a drink or two, but no more than that. And then you will do what I tell you to approach men, or what to say when they approach you.”

“And where will you be?”

“There,” he said, more space between us. He was barely even holding me anymore, his hand on my hip, his body completely disconnected from mine. “Watching.”

“So the purpose is...”

“To get you comfortable interacting with other men, not just me. But having me there to be a support system if you need it.” He paused for so long I thought he was done. “We will go in together, sit down and discuss how to go about... flirting,” he said the word like it was dirty. “After you get comfortable doing so with me, I will excuse myself to the bar. Then you will go to the other end of the bar.”

“By myself?”

“Yes, by yourself. Men get intimidated by women with their female friends, and won't approach a woman there with a man.”

“Okay.”

“When a man comes up to you...”

“If,” I corrected, thinking how many men had managed to avoid coming up to me in the past.

“When,” he said more firmly, “a man comes up to you...”

“What? Is this some positive thinking nonsense? If I believe in it enough, suddenly hoards of men will find themselves flocking to me?”

Chase sighed, a long-suffering sound. He scooted further back, grabbing my shoulder and pulling until I moved onto my back. He shifted, rising up on his forearm and looking down at me. He watched me for a second, shaking his head. “How is it possible that you don't see how gorgeous you are?”

Oh

fucking

butterflies.

My belly was a traitor.

“Chase, really... I'm not...”

“Shut up. Don't you dare finish that sentence.” His hand went to my face, cradling my jaw on one side. “How many times have I told you how beautiful you are?” he asked, to himself. “And you still don't believe me.”

“It's not that... it's...”

“It's what?”

“It's twenty-some odd years of not feeling that way. Of no one saying that to me. It's not like I am going to transform my thinking overnight. But I'm getting better. I mean... could you picture the me who walked in here for my introductory session wearing the dress I wore tonight?”

“That's a good point,” he said, nodding. “Do you believe I mean it when I say you're beautiful?”

In his professional opinion?

“There,” he said, his fingers digging gently into my face. “That look. What is that look? You've been giving it to me a lot lately.”

It was a distinct look? That was great. Just lovely.

“What look?”

He released my face, rolling onto his back, and raking his hands over his face. “You're killing me, woman.”

Ditto.

Times about a million.

“I'll go,” I said, moving to slide off the opposite side of the bed.

“That's not what I want.”

I took a deep breath, my back to him, my feet on the floor. Every ounce of me was screaming at me to go back to him, to curl up on my safe spot. For the last time. But maybe I had already gotten too many 'last times' for one night. I would just have to move on.

“I know,” I said, my voice small as I finally forced myself to stand. “But it's late.”

“Baby...”

The soft pleading in my voice felt like someone was grabbing my heart in their hands and twisting it.

I grabbed my dress, turning to him with a small, shaky smile. “Yeah?”

But he had nothing to say.

And I was tired of pretending I didn't.

So I slipped into my dress, then reached out and touched his foot from on top of the sheet. “I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Seven.”

“As usual,” I nodded, grabbing my keys and wallet.

He wasn't even going to walk me to my car.

I guess we were beyond those kinds of pleasantries.

I grabbed my jacket and slipped it on, buttoning it all the way up, and walked outside.

The slamming door had such a hint of finality to it that I jumped.

It was ending.

Soon.





After the Session





“Shay?” I called, closing and locking the apartment door.

It was late. But it wasn't that late. She would still be up, primping, checking social networking sites, taking selfies.

But the apartment was suspiciously silent. Not even the sound from some random late-night show. I don't think I had ever walked into my apartment and found all the electronics and most of the lights off.

I kicked out of the heels that were making my ankles feel like they were about to splinter and hung up Shay's jacket on the back of the door.

Then I heard laughing, and Shay came dancing out of Jake's room, swatting his hands as he reached for her. And she wasn't exactly... dressed.

I looked down at the floor, clearing my throat.

The laughing stopped and I could swear I heard Jake curse under his breath.

“So that's... happening,” I grumbled.

I could practically hear them looking at each other, having a silent conversation with their eyes.

“Ava,” Jake's voice said, surprising me. I had expected Shay to step up. “It's nothing. It's...”

“Congratulations on the sex,” I said, going into the bathroom and stripping.

It was going to be a three showers kind of day.

Things were going to be bad enough in a couple days when my therapy with Chase was over. One of two things was going to happen. Either I got over my transference right away, and felt a little bit embarrassed for being such a fool. Or it would linger and I would be feeling what I was feeling right then: hollow.

And on top of that, my roommates... the only two people in my life I had learned to trust and let in, were fucking around. Knowing them both as well as I did, I knew it was doomed to fail. The question wasn't if, it was when. Then what? I was in the middle? Trying to break up their fights, trying to reason with them? Being the bad guy who has to say 'you should have known better'?

Wonderful.

I was totally going to be in the mood for that.

“Look,” Shay said, coming into the bathroom and slamming the door, making me jump and stare at the shower curtain like it was going to be pulled back at any moment. “Don't be getting your knickers in a bunch,” she said and I could just picture the scowl she was giving me. “This was all your fault anyhow.”

“Mine?” I exploded, peeking my head out from behind the curtain. And there she was. Still bare ass naked. And completely comfortable with it. “How the hell is it my fault you two are doing something so stupid?”

Her brow rose slightly at my choice of words. “You're the one who kept going on and on about how similar we are and shit.”

“Which you took to mean 'you two should have sex'?”

“No, but I mean who would turn down the opportunity to play around with their twin in opposite sex form?”

“That sounded... awful.”

“Alright. Whatever. You know what I meant.”

“Well, I, for one, would have no interest in having sex with my male equivalent.”

“Yeah, but only because you're in a unique situation. Shy girls are hot. Shy guys are boring as fuck.”

I felt myself shrugging and slinking back behind the curtain. “Have you given any thought to how bad an idea this is?”