The Russian's Ultimatum(21)

Emily had spent the day alone with her thoughts.

She'd thought about a lot of things, especially about what Pascha had   said about James; the truth it contained. And, as she'd thought, she'd   wandered back to the waterfall and sat on the ledge, gazing at all the   bright colours glistening under the sun.

She might loathe the colour pink but she'd always adored bright, happy colours.

When had she stopped designing bright clothes? When had she stopped   wearing them? It was working with Hugo, his love for the gothic and   theatrical. His control over his designers was absolute. She'd moulded   herself into what she believed he wanted her to be and, worse, had let   it spill into her private life. Yes, she adored dressing up, loved   wearing make-up, but when had she last worn clothes she felt were for   her and not some image she was trying to live up to?

Armed with a determination to fix it, she'd hurried back to her hut,   grabbed the roll of Persian Orange cotton, drawn a quick sketch as a   guide and got to work.

So what if the finished product was a shambles?

So what if it didn't fit properly?

This was for her.

When had she lost the essence of herself?

Had she ever found it in the first place...?

A tap on the door caught her attention and she tilted her head to find   Pascha standing there. With all the activity involved in fixing and   straightening everything affected by the storm, they'd spent hardly any   time together since leaving the shelter.

He'd come to her hut, though, late in the night, so late she'd almost given up hope.

Not that she'd been hoping. She'd been too angry and hurt by his words about James to want him to come to her.

She'd been lying in her bed wide awake when he'd tapped on the same   glass door he was currently standing at. That one tap had been enough.

However much she'd wanted to deny it, she'd carried with her a deep,   inner yearning, an intense almost cramp-like feeling of helpless   excitement.                       
       
           



       

He'd stood at her door, hands in his pockets. He'd looked shattered.

He'd said two words. 'I'm sorry.'

She'd been in his arms before he'd crossed the threshold.

There had been no more conversation. All their talking had been done through their bodies.

He'd left early.

Now, he stepped into the hut bringing with him a cloud of citrusy manliness.

She closed her eyes, hating the way her heart raced just to see him.

The night was bewitching. Everything felt so different in the daylight, her emotions so much more exposed.

'Everything okay?' she asked, forcing graciousness as she resumed her sewing.

'I thought you'd want to know-James has called. Your father got out of bed today.'

She turned her head to look at him so quickly she wouldn't have been surprised if she'd given herself whiplash. 'You're joking?'

His eyes were steady. 'No joke.'

While Emily tried to digest this unexpected news, Pascha took the seat opposite her.

She could feel his stare resting on her but suddenly felt too fearful to   return it, too scared of what he would read in her eyes. Scared of  what  she would read in his eyes.

Her father had got out of bed. A small step, yes, but one with huge   implications. In theory this meant the worst of it was over. She should   be celebrating.

So why did she still feel so flat?

'Why didn't you tell me your father tried to kill himself?'

The needle went right into her thumb. 'Ow!' Immediately she stuck her thumb into her mouth.

'Have you hurt yourself?' he asked, his eyes crinkled with concern.

She shook her head before pulling her thumb out of her mouth and   examining it. A spot of bright red blood pooled out so she put it back   in her mouth and sucked on it.

She was going to kill James.

They'd made a promise to each other. Yes, it had been an unspoken   promise, but it was an unspoken promise they'd carried their entire   lives. They didn't speak about their father's severe depression outside   the family home, not to anyone. It was kept between them. Their  father's  attempted suicide came under that pact.

So why the hell had James told Pascha Virshilas, of all people?

'Do I take it by the horrified look on your face that you're angry I know?' Pascha asked.

'Yes, I am very angry,' she said, her fury so great she could barely get her words out.

'Why? Are you ashamed of him?'

'Of course not! But when my dad's well again I know he will be ashamed. He won't want anyone to know.'

'Has he done this before?' Pascha asked quietly.

'What? Tried to kill himself?' Her voice rose.

'I know this is painful for you to talk about but I must know-when did he take the pills?'

'Didn't James tell you that?'

'No. And, before you turn your anger on your brother, he didn't tell me,   not directly. It was a throwaway comment about stopping his watch on   the medicine cabinet. I don't think he even realised he'd said it.'

Slightly mollified, Emily put the fabric down and made a valiant stab at humour. 'Your powers of deduction astound me.'

To her alarm, Pascha saw right through her attempt to lighten the mood   and placed his hand on her wrist. 'I'd already guessed something bad had   occurred. This just confirmed it. Now, please answer my question. When   did he take the pills?'

Finally she met his gaze head-on. 'When do you think he took them?'

He sighed heavily, as if purging his lungs of every fraction of oxygen contained within them.

'He tried to kill himself the same day you suspended him on suspicion of   theft. Two months to the day after we'd buried my mother.'

The obvious remorse that seeped out of him as she spoke her words had her feeling suddenly wretched.

She tugged her wrist out of his strong grip but, instead of moving her   hand away, rested it atop his. 'He was a man on the edge before you   suspended him,' she explained with a helpless shrug. 'What you did   pushed him over that edge, and I'm not going to lie to you Pascha: I've   spent the past month hating you for it.

'But the truth is, my father had just been waiting for an excuse. James   and I knew how bad he was becoming. It's like watching a child cross a   road with a lorry rushing towards them but not being able to run fast   enough to push the child away, or scream loudly enough for them to hear.   We couldn't reach him. I couldn't reach him. I've never been able to.   The only person who could reach him when he fell into that pit was my   mother, but she isn't here any more.'                       
       
           



       

Did Emily realise she had tears pouring down her cheeks? Pascha   wondered. Or that her fingers were gripping his hand as if he were the   anchor rooting her? His chest hurt to see such naked distress.

'This depression, it's happened before?'

She nodded, running her hand over her face in an attempt to wipe her   free-flowing tears away. 'He's always suffered from it but can go   months-years-without succumbing. And I know I shouldn't say succumbing,   as if it's his fault, because I know it isn't. He can't help it any  more  than Mum could help getting that monstrous illness.'

Despite her impassioned words, Pascha didn't think she believed them, not fully.

He tried to think how he would have felt if he'd been a child and his   father had shut himself away for weeks on end. Children were sensitive   and felt things more deeply than most adults credited.

His illness had been devastating for his parents, but they were adults   and understood there was nothing they could have done to prevent it.   Children were liable to blame themselves.

Just as he was considering which of his contacts would be best placed to   recommend a psychiatrist at the top of their field, his phone  vibrated,  the Top Cat tune ringing out loudly.

Emily laughed, tears still brimming in her eyes. 'I love that tune.'

He grinned in response and swiped his phone to answer it.

It was his lawyer, Zlatan.

'I'll call you back,' he said, disconnecting the call. He got to his   feet and looked down at her. She'd stopped crying. Her eyes were red and   swollen, her cheeks all blotchy. She looked adorable.

'Are you going to be okay? I need to call Zlatan.'

She sniffed and nodded. 'I still can't believe that's your ring tone. Top Cat was my favourite cartoon as a child.'

'And mine,' he admitted. 'My father got some black market videos of it   from one of his clients. When I was too ill to do anything else, I would   watch them over and over.'

Their eyes held and he was taken with the most powerful urge to lean over the table and scoop her into his arms.

Yesterday he'd sworn to himself that whatever was happening between them had to stop.

All he could offer her was money. He knew without having to be told that she didn't want it.

Emily needed someone to love her-someone who could give her a family all of her own to heap her love on.