The Return of Antonides: Christmas at the Castello(31)

"Come with us," Gwen urged her and Teresa nodded her head.

Holly couldn't remember the last time she'd gone clubbing. Maybe after  she and Matt were first married. Another lifetime ago. It wasn't her  scene. But if she went back to the apartment, she knew what would  happen. She would be faced with the dress-and she would miss Lukas.

"I'll come," she said.

It was nearly midnight when they left the club, and just past when  Holly let herself into the building and climbed the stairs to her  apartment.

"Stay in mine," Lukas had suggested. "Then I could come home and find you in my bed."

Holly had shaken her head firmly. "I'm sleeping in my bed."

But faced with it-as big and white and empty as an Alaskan winter-she  was tempted to go upstairs. There, of course, she would find an even  bigger bed, but it would have Lukas's scent on the pillows. And she  could sleep in the T-shirt he'd worn yesterday.

Which just went to show how far gone she was, Holly thought, disgusted with herself.

August had better hurry up and get there. She was getting too soppy for  her own good. But at the same time, she didn't want it to come at all.

Her brain muddled, Holly took a shower. But there were reminders of  Lukas there, too. Yesterday morning she'd washed his back, had trailed  her fingers down its muscular planes, then had slid her hands around to  soap the front of him. Her body heated again now remembering the feel of  slick, firm flesh beneath her fingers, and remembering what had  happened after.

Abruptly, she shut the water off and got out of the shower. It was when  she was putting on sleep shorts and a T-shirt-her own-that she spied  the carrier bag with the bridesmaid dress hanging on the closet door.

She wanted to ignore it. But if it needed alterations, she would have  to get them done. Wearing a frilly cupcake dress was bad enough. Wearing  one that didn't fit would be even worse.

She slid the zip down on the carrier bag and opened it, then stared. "Oh, my word."

Anything less like a cupcake would have been hard to imagine.

The dress was red, a deep, vivid red. A dark, sultry lipstick of a  color. There wasn't a frill or a flounce or a furbelow in sight. There  wasn't much material at all, to be honest. It was a minimalist sort of  dress, Holly decided as she took it out of the bag and gave it a shake.  She sucked in her breath.

Very minimal indeed. And elegant. And sexy. And Stig thought it was "her"?

She had never worn anything quite so clearly sexy in her life.

Heart beating faster now, Holly slipped it on, then twirled in front of  the mirror, astonished at the picture she made. The dress fit  perfectly, molding her curves smoothly without being tight. The nearly  shoulder-to-shoulder neckline plunged in a vee to the tops of her  breasts, accentuating the soft roundness hidden beneath the silk.  Three-quarter-length sleeves hugged her arms, giving the dress a  sophistication that bare arms would not. And the flare of the hem just  above her knees swirled, making the silk rustle as Holly turned in front  of the mirror.

"Can I rip that off you?"

Holly spun around to see Lukas standing in the doorway. She felt a kick  somewhere in the region of her heart. "You came back? It's one o'clock  in the morning!"

"Didn't want to miss curfew." He crossed the room. "Couldn't stay away  from you," he said in a low, rough voice, reaching for her.

"Don't touch! Althea will kill me if anything happens to this dress."

"This is the cupcake?" Lukas looked astonished.

"It's not a cupcake," Holly admitted. "Be careful!" she cried as he spun her around and moved in to nuzzle her neck.

"Then don't wear enticing dresses." He kissed her nape, sending shivers  down her spine. Holly squirmed. "Hold still," he muttered as he slid  the zip down carefully, then skimmed the dress off her shoulders.

It dropped to the floor, leaving her naked to his gaze. Lukas's breath  hissed between his teeth. "God almighty, Hol'!" His voice was strangled.

"I just got out of the shower," she said defensively. She scooped up  the dress, holding it in front of her, as if he hadn't seen it all  before. "Then I remembered I hadn't tried it on. Althea needed to know  if it needed alterations."

"It doesn't need alterations." He still sounded stunned.                       
       
           



       

Holly felt wobbly at the sight of him. "I didn't think you were coming  back tonight." She fumbled with the dress and the hanger.

"You're the one who's going to wreck it." Lukas took it out of her  hands and hung it up again. "I came home because you're here. But you  weren't in my bed."

"Because you weren't there."

Lukas took her in his arms. "No worries," he said and scooped her up in  his arms, carrying her into her bedroom. "We've got a bed right here."

* * *

Every day Holly lived in the moment.

She said yes to going out to his parents' place in the Hamptons for the  Fourth of July. She played with his nieces and nephews and chatted with  his brothers and sisters and even smiled in the face of his  grandmother's obvious approval, even though she knew Lukas's yiayia  believed there was more going on between them than was really there.

It wasn't her job to protect Lukas's family from their  misinterpretations, she told herself. Let him explain after she was  gone. But even though she told herself that, she couldn't help feeling  guilty.

"I don't like lying to your family," she told him after they were back in the city.

"Well, stay then," he said.

Holly looked at him, startled. Then she shook her head. "No, I can't."

She refused to let herself be tempted by the idea. He didn't mean it.  He didn't love her. He didn't want to marry her. And even if he did...

Holly wouldn't even let her mind go there.

Live in the moment. It was her mantra. She said it a dozen times a day  as the weeks went on. And she was having a wonderful time, she had to  admit that.

They went kayaking one weekend. It was fun to camp out with Lukas. Very  different from similar trips she'd taken with Matt. Lukas was more  spontaneous and, surprisingly, more willing to listen to her  suggestions. Lukas had seemed a little apprehensive about taking her  when she'd wished aloud that she could go kayaking one more time before  she left. But once they got there, he was fine. They even talked a bit  about Matt, and it seemed to take the edge off his apprehension.

"I thought it might make you sad," he told her on the way home.

"I thought it might, too," Holly said honestly. "But I just had a good time. Thank you."

The next weekend they kept his nephews from Saturday afternoon until  Sunday night. It had been Digger's idea. He and Holly had hit it off  when he discovered that she knew the names of all kinds of road-grading  equipment and had half a dozen kids' books about it.

"I'll give them to you," she promised Digger. "A few less things to keep in my storage area," she told Lukas.

"Can I have them now?" Digger asked, eyes bright.

"How about next Saturday?"

"Can we have a sleepover?" Digger wanted to know.

"Of course," Holly said.

"I only have sleepovers with you," Lukas complained that night.

"Not next Saturday," Holly told him. "You know you're glad to have them. And it will give Elias and Tallie a bit of a break."

"Nobody's giving me a break," Lukas muttered.

But they'd all had a good time. Digger had even looked at Holly and  said, "We should keep her," to his uncle when the boys were going home.

"Suits me," Lukas said.

Holly told herself to not even think about it. But it was getting  harder and harder to live for the moment when the moments seemed to want  to add up to something more. Of course that was only in her mind, and  Holly knew it.

She couldn't tell what was in Lukas's mind. Most of the time he was all  smiles, charm and good conversations. But sometimes he grew remote,  distracted. At night when they made love, he could be tender and gentle  or passionate, almost desperately intense. Maybe he was tiring of her  and didn't know how to say so. Maybe he was trying to recapture the  enthusiasm of their first days together.

Holly didn't know. She didn't dare ask.

She just told herself it would be good when August finally got here.  Soon their affair would be over. They would go their separate ways.

* * *

Holly knew Lukas couldn't go to Althea's wedding with her. It was the  same day that the MacClintock grant recipients were being feted along  with recipients of several other grants at the Plaza. Lukas had to be  there.

So she was surprised when he came out of the bedroom, still knotting his tie, that morning and said, "Save me a dance."

"A dance?"

"At the reception." He was looking remote and distracted, though, even as he said it, and she wondered why he had.