The Rakehell Regency(289)
"I'm sure you shall, as soon as you meet the right man. But don't be in too much of a hurry." He bestowed upon her a sad smile.
"And you, Mr. Deveril? Did you never meet the right woman?"
Jonathan hit a discordant note at that, and apologized to the company, who all looked up at them in surprise.
"Sorry, all," he said with a small bow, rising up from the instrument. "Tired fingers. Someone else had better come have a turn at torturing this pianoforte."
He bowed to Pamela and seated her on the bench before she could utter a word of protest. "Sarah, do please come turn the pages."
Pamela looked at him in surprise, but he knew it was too dangerous to linger. He went over to join Samuel, who was now sitting beside another tall dark man whom Pamela took to be his brother. This was soon confirmed, but to Pamela's mind the two men, apart from hair color and height, could not have been more dissimilar.
The newcomer was sallow, and looked feverish, his eyes glittered so. Pamela could see he simply sat with his brother or cousins, and said very few words. Soon they left, Martin having come to pick up his brother and his things in preparation for leaving for the Continent in two days.
Pamela stared at Martin's skeletal figure, and shivered. There was a man who had suffered indeed.
The thought of how much unhappiness there was in the world, both visible and hidden, was enough to make her thank her lucky stars she was so blessed. For the moment she had a good home, family and friends. That might all change, but she was determined not to take them for granted. She also wanted to do what she could to alleviate suffering, now that she had been alerted to its existence. Now that she had become aware of the wider world beyond her own small one in Brimley thanks to Jonathan.
"I said, are you ready to head back home?" Jonathan asked her some time later.
"Oh, yes, indeed, Mr. Deveril," she replied, coming to the end of the melody she had been playing from memory. "As you said before, there is so much to do in preparation for tomorrow."
As she took her leave of the giggling Georgina Jerome, Pamela saw in herself an uncomfortable similarity to what she tended towards if she wanted attention. She resolved once more to be so much better than she had been since her first being allowed to socialize in the district. .She was not going to be the shameless flirt Jonathan had censured, not if she could help it.
Oh, she might lapse from time to time, and not everything could be so dour and serious as Jonathan and his sister tended to be. But nor was she going to spend hours tending her hair any longer. She was certainly going to participate far less in hunting and riding with the local horsy set and the blunt and often predatory men amongst them.
Pamela was pleased that Jonathan sat across from her in the Stones' carriage as they made their way back to Stone Court to pick up the vicar's gig. They were able to make small talk, and Jonathan was once again the soul of kindness, indeed, he was more amiable towards her than ever. For once, she started to feel like she was worthy of him, and her heart soared.
Once they arrived back at Stone Court, they all had a final cup of coffee together in the large drawing room. Then Pamela was loaded up with books and other useful items for the school, and they were ready to head back. It was just in time too, for dark clouds had blown in again and once more winter was upon them.
There were hugs and hearty handshakes all around as they departed. Pamela was genuinely sorry to leave, but took some comfort from the promises of seeing Clifford and Vanessa again in Bath very soon.
The ride back in the gig was blustery. Jonathan had insisted that Pamela sit between he and his sister for warmth. They shared a goodly number of traveling rugs and a newly filled pair of hot water bottles to ease the journey. She felt snug, warm, and once again felt the most inexplicable sensations and stirrings as the gig trundled along the road, its rhythmic swaying setting their bodies moving in time in a most suggestive manner. She felts suffused with warmth, and wondered if she had eaten too much.
After the fine dinner they had had at the Jeromes, Pamela could feel her head beginning to nod. The movement of the gig rocked her to sleep. Soon her head was upon Jonathan's shoulder, and she was snuggled against him most intimately.
Jonathan looked at his sister over Pamela's head but she just smiled.
"You've done nothing wrong, Jonathan. Enjoy it while it lasts."
So he did. He pretended that they were going back to the vicarage, that Pamela was his wife, that they had a warm and happy home with lots of children. He dreamt of the days they would spend together. And the nights...
He quashed that thought before he had to roll in the snow to prevent himself from acting on his desire for the lovely young girl. He sighed. He knew he had promised God, given his word to many people, but sometimes it could be so difficult to keep his honor. After all, it was a damned cold bedfellow at the end of the day. To have the one thing he loved more than life itself always tantalizingly out of reach was more than he should be expected to bear.