The Rake's Redemption(33)

A low wall loomed suddenly in her path, but Juliana felt no fear as the  horse obeyed her touch and sailed easily over it. Once she glanced back  over her shoulder, but no pursuer was in sight. Later she would face  Dominic and apologize for taking his horse. Now she just needed to be  alone.

The wind whipped at her face. She left the path, not wanting to meet  anyone. Mile after mile she rode through lush fields and glades rippling  with high grass and summer flowers. Finally she spied a small stream.  Slowing Bucephalus to a walk, she crossed a narrow covered wooden  bridge. On the other side, cut in a wide green hollow, was a flat  pasture through which the stream wove, deep and slow between clay banks.  Rooks cawed by their nests in the big trees along the water. The  branches rustled overhead casting downward a light-leaved net of  shadows. No other creature was in sight.

The sweetness of the air, the newly washed smell of everything, the  thrushes going wild in the hawthorns, conspired to draw her to this  peaceful haven. Sliding off Bucephalus's back, she patted his muzzle.

"What a wonderful animal you are," she muttered before wrapping the  reins around a narrow sapling. She left him grazing in the soft grass  and went to sit on the bank. Her hat hung heavily on her neck, so she  flung it aside and laid down in the lilies of the valley growing wild  under the trees. For only a moment she would enjoy the beauty around her  and let it hold at bay all the dark thoughts crowding the edges of her  consciousness. She welcomed the warmth of the summer's day, although it  made her feel drowsy. She had barely closed her eyes all night, so now  sleep came and with it welcome forgetfulness.

She hadn't heard him approach. The first she was aware of his presence  was his hoarse voice calling her name and his hands roaming freely over  her person.

Her eyes snapped open and she sat bolt upright in shocked recoil. "How dare you while I sleep!"

Finding herself once more laying in the flowers, but now imprisoned in  Dominic's arms, she felt his hard chest shudder and then, incredibly,  heard laughter.

"Why are you laughing?" she demanded, confused, her sleep-numbed thoughts trying to focus properly.

"Asleep!" he sputtered. "I thought the damn horse had thrown you! I was  feeling for broken bones. I've been searching for you for hours."

She suddenly focused on Dominic. A lock of his hair had fallen forward,  half hiding his face, and the sun, splashing light through the moving  leaves, sent sparks of color through the gold. He couldn't be ruined. He  was the wonderful man who had brought her back to life. He had made her  face herself and realize she could begin again. Everything, anything  could be overcome in the wonder of his arms. Biting her lower lip, she  tried to stop giggling in response to the look in his sparkling eyes,  but failed and was forced to bury her face in his shoulder as she, too,  shook with laughter. They lay together, their mutual laughter and his  soothing touch slowly melting the emptiness inside her.

Dominic recovered first and turned his head to look solemnly into her  face. They were so close his breath fanned her cheek. His shirt lay open  at the throat, a pulse beating strongly in the hollow of his throat.  There was a faint moist sheen on his skin. She watched his cornflower  eyes slowly darken to navy.

"You should never have ridden Bucephalus, Juliana. He might easily have  thrown you. When I saw you laying here I … " he broke off, such a look of  concern hardening his features, Juliana's breath caught in her throat.

"Would it really matter so much to you, Dominic?" she asked quietly. So  much depended on his answer. Would it be the glib reply of the rake? Or  would it be the answer of the man she had come to love?

He surprised her with a heart-stopping smile. "Matter to me! You have  haunted my thoughts night and day for years. Of course, it matters to  me!"

Breathing the flower-scented air deeply into her lungs, she laughed  joyously. His grandmother was wrong  …  everything was all right. Nothing  was ruined.

He must be as bemused with love as I am, she thought, for I couldn't  possibly have haunted his thoughts for years. We only met weeks ago.

Yet, she too felt as if he had always been there in her heart. And she  would obey Mrs. Forbes. She would do what her heart demanded. Turning in  his arms, she placed her lips at the spot on his neck where a pulse  beat rapidly. He became very still while she worked her way up to nibble  on his earlobe before moving across his cheek to his lips. She touched  them lightly and then more deeply realizing that this, not the sweet  air, was her breath of life.                       
       
           



       

With gentle hands he moved her so he could gaze down into her dreamy  face, his beautiful hand drifting slowly over her body. Bending, he  parted her lips in a deep kiss; she was filled with such longing she  couldn't help arching her back to press closer to him. His mouth covered  hers again and again, his deft fingers playing in the curls at her  neck.

"You're so soft, love," he whispered wonderingly.

Juliana had never known what uncontrolled desire was, but she felt it  now, like liquid heat flowing through her veins. Lifting her body into  his, she sought his mouth, then moaned gently when she found it. He did  love her. She could feel it each time he kissed her.

His breath was sweet as he dragged his mouth over hers slowly. "Oh, love  …  I want you."

He bent to bury his face in her neck and she gathered him even closer.

"I want you too  …  I love you. Please  …  please let us be married soon … "  Her breath came in a tattered gasp. "I don't think I can wait much  longer."

His arms tightened painfully about her, and he became so utterly still  it was as if he had even ceased breathing. Then he moved, supporting  himself on hands placed on either side of her face and raised himself to  look into her eyes. Some strong emotion she didn't recognize blurred  his features.

"Juliana  …  Juliana, I want you." His voice was gentle, but it held that  same note she had first heard in Mrs. Forbes's parlor and had never been  able to understand. "More than I have ever wanted anyone. But there can  be no marriage between us."

His words struck her like a blow, but she did not flinch, only stared at  him for a long moment before finally understanding all that this meant  to her.

Mrs. Forbes, you were wrong!

What had she done? She was sunk beneath reproach.

"Will you please move so that I may get up?" she asked in a cold voice,  which matched the chill once again causing her insides to shudder. She  would never let him know how he had destroyed her with his callous  words.

She was released swiftly, her body feeling weightless without the warmth  of him pressing against her. Slowly sitting up, she pulled her chemise  back into place. Soon the shame and disgust with herself would settle  firmly in her soul, but for now she felt strangely detached, even when  he brushed her hands aside to finish the fastenings her fingers were  unable to accomplish.

Ignoring the hand he reached out, she stood alone. Without looking at him, she walked to where the mare grazed.

"Juliana!"

The pain in his voice made her stop, but it was a moment before she could force herself to turn and face him.

Even through her own misery she responded to the unhappiness and  loneliness she recognized on his face. How did he do it? Time and again  he could raise her to the heights and then drop her to despair. With but  a look he would beg forgiveness-and she would be within an instant of  granting it. The gossips were right. He was a debauched rake unworthy of  her. This time he had gone too far. He had stolen a part of her honor  and she would never forgive him. She twisted the reins in her hand  refusing to ask for his assistance.

"You don't understand, Juliana." He shook his head, his eyes never  leaving hers. "If only I could tell you, you would understand why I do  this."

She felt her mouth twist unhappily as a tear threatened. She backed up  into the velvet warmth of the horse. When she was safely in the saddle  she answered. "I do understand  …  I do. It is because I am a widow. The  Marquis of Aubrey could never marry soiled goods."

She thundered off and his protests were lost in the echoing hoofbeats.





Chapter 11





Juliana fled to her bedchamber, locked the door, and, exhausted, fell to  her knees beside her bed. She wept until there were no more tears left,  only a bitter burning ache that threatened to remain with her forever.  Because she loved Dominic, she had thrown away every rule she had lived  by  …  her honor, when she broke her promise to Sir Timothy  …  and her  unquestioned conviction that the intimacy of her love would be given  only to the man she would wed. She would have allowed him to love her  there in the bank of flowers because her feelings for him were as  infinite as the air she breathed. But he only wanted her; fool that she  was, she had thought it was love. She had followed her heart  …  declared  her own love openly and freely and he …