The Queen's New Year Secret(27)

“I see,” Andres said. “As one who nearly destroyed his own chance at happiness, take my advice. If a woman like that loves you, then you would be a fool to refuse her.” Andres paused for a moment. “Actually, it’s very close to advice you gave me. You told me that if Tabitha looked at you the way that Zara looked at me, you would never let her go. But she does, Kairos. She always has. I know you don’t find emotion easy. I certainly don’t, or haven’t, in the past. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it.”

“What did you think of our father, Andres?”

Andres frowned. “I don’t know. He didn’t have very much time for me. I wasn’t of any great value to him.”

“And our mother?”

“You know she had no patience for me,” Andres said, speaking of how she used to leave him at home during royal events. Afraid that he would cause a scene, that he would somehow find a way to sabotage things.

“Did you ever...? Did you ever wonder why?”

Andres laughed, a short, bitter sound. “Well, as it’s the source of all of my emotional issues, I have wondered a time or two.”

“They have much to answer for, our parents,” Kairos said.

“As do I,” Andres said. “Have I ever told you, with all sincerity, how sorry I am about what happened with Francesca? Because I am. Very sorry.”

“I know,” Kairos said. “And to be honest with you...I was only ever relieved. It was never her for me. Never.”

“That doesn’t excuse me. Neither does our mother’s exit. I know it wasn’t only me. But I did blame myself. Now, I understand that there must have been other things happening. I just don’t know what.”

Kairos nodded slowly. “Yes. I was there. The night that she left. I tried to—I tried to stop her. Looking back, I feel like she seemed afraid.”

“It’s strange you should say that. What I think of her now, that’s what I think. She didn’t seem so much angry at me, as afraid of...something.”

“Did you ever want to find her?”

“No one knows what happened to her.”

“No,” Kairos said, his voice broken. “That isn’t true.”

“Kairos?”

“I know where she is,” Kairos said. “I have known. I went searching for her after our father died. Or rather, I had someone do a bit of searching. I haven’t made contact. But I do know that she’s living in Greece, using a different name.”

“I don’t think I want to speak to her,” Andres said.

“And I don’t blame you. Not with the way she treated you. But I...I might need to.”

“You do what you have to. But I may not be able to support you with this.”

“Tabitha’s pregnant,” he said. He had been determined not to tell his brother, particularly as everything was in a precarious position at the moment, but he found he couldn’t hold back any longer. He needed Andres to understand why he was going to pursue contact with their mother. Especially after all she had put his brother through. “It isn’t going well. The doctor’s concerned that she will miscarry. But she is pregnant, for now.”

Andres cursed. “I...I’m not entirely certain what to say to that. Whether or not to congratulate you.”

“It’s difficult. That’s why...that’s why I tried to save our marriage.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“No. Of course not.”

“Did you tell her that?”

“I don’t know what to tell her. I don’t...I don’t know how to do this. I spent too many years training myself not to feel things. I don’t recognize any of it now. I don’t know how to move forward now.”

Andres nodded slowly. “I think you’re lying to yourself. I think you know full well how to proceed. I think you know full well how you feel. I just think that you also happen to be terrified.”

Kairos couldn’t argue with that. “That’s why I need to talk to our mother. I have to find something out.”

“And you don’t think you’ll give the poor woman a stroke? Calling her after twenty years of no contact?”

“Well, I think she nearly gave me one when she left me crying on the palace floor as a twelve-year-old boy. We can consider ourselves even.”

“I thought I was a little bit more well-adjusted since my marriage, but all of this emotion still makes me slightly uncomfortable.”

“Extremely.”

“Do whatever you have to do, Kairos, but do not let Tabitha get away.” Andres turned and walked out of the office, leaving Kairos alone.

Now, all he had to do was wait until it was late enough for him to call a woman he hadn’t seen in more than two decades.

He was afraid. He didn’t know if he could trust her, or himself.

But if he had learned one thing from Tabitha it was that you had to make choices. And he was making them now.

* * *

“Hello. Is this Maria?” Kairos could scarcely breathe around the lump in his throat as he waited for the response to come down the telephone line.

“Yes,” the response came, questioning, uncertain.

“Then I am hoping I’ve reached the right person. It is entirely possible I have not. But I am King Kairos of Petras. And if that means anything to you, then you are the person I’m looking for.”

There was nothing in response to that but silence, and for a moment, Kairos was certain she had hung up the phone.

“Hello?” he asked.

“I’m here,” she said. “I’m here.”

“You are my mother.”

“Yes,” she said, her voice a whisper.

“I am very sorry to call you suddenly like this. Especially because I do not have time to make light conversation. There are some things I need to know. And it may be difficult.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

“Perhaps,” he said, ignoring the knot that tightened in his chest. “But there will be plenty of time for that. Later.”

“I hope so. What is it you need to know, Kairos?” she asked, her voice wrapping itself around his name like an embrace.

“I need to understand why you left. And I need to know why... I need to know why you treated Andres as you did. He will not ask.”

“He grew up to be quite a lot of trouble, didn’t he?” The question wasn’t full of judgment, but rather a soft, sad sort of affection.

“You have read the tabloids, I take it?”

“Some. I could never resist the chance to look upon you again. Even if only for a moment.”

“He has settled. He has a wife. He is a good husband to her. Where I fear...I am not so accomplished as a spouse.” He took a deep breath. “This is why I need to know. I need to know why you left.”

“It took me a very long time to answer that question for myself,” she said, her voice sounding thin. “A lot of therapy. A lot of regrets. Please, know that I regretted it. Even as I was leaving. But there was no going back.”

“My father’s doing?”

“Yes. He could not... He said he could not forgive me. And that the damage was already done. It wasn’t only that he refused to take me back...he refused to let me see you.”

It didn’t surprise him to hear that about his father. And perhaps, because it was so unsurprising, he couldn’t find it in him to be angry. He only felt a strange sense of relief over the fact that she had thought of them again. She had wanted to come back. Selfish, perhaps. But he found comfort in it.

“I knew it would come to that point with him,” she continued, her voice sad. “I always had. My family raised me to be the queen. To marry the king. I was trained. But I always feared that I would not be equal to the task. Your father would get so angry when Andres would act up. That’s why I stopped having him come to events. I was afraid he would start taking it out on him. As it was, he simply took it out on me.”

“He didn’t hurt you?”

“Not physically. But...it was very trying. I was afraid of where it might lead eventually. I was just so afraid of doing something wrong. And you boys were a reflection on me. In your father’s eyes, if you did something wrong, it was directly related to a weakness of mine. And I...I wasn’t strong enough to fight against that. I was so low. And I just left you with him. That was the hardest thing later. Once I was gone. Realizing that I had abandoned you to stay with that cold man who... But I didn’t feel I was helping you. Not by being there. I certainly wasn’t helping Andres. I couldn’t be the mother that he needed. I did more harm to him than I ever did good. Once I realized that...I just...I didn’t feel I did a good enough job as queen. And I didn’t feel I did a good enough job as a mother. At that point, I had convinced myself that you were better off without me. I was just so afraid that if I didn’t leave, he would make me go. And for some reason, that seemed worse. And if I waited for that...well, I might have done more damage to you both by then and I was so afraid of that.”

Kairos nodded, before realizing that she couldn’t see him. “Yes,” he said, his voice rough, “I can understand that.”

“You can?” she asked, her voice so filled with hope it broke his heart.