The Pact(95)

I leave my heart in San Francisco.





CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Three months later

STEPHANIE



“I’m so glad you gave me a second chance.”

I nod, spearing a piece of butter-soaked broccoli with my fork. I’m not really listening, to be honest. I should be, because my ex-boyfriend is sitting across from me and we’re at one of the nicest restaurants in town and I’m not hating it entirely.

But my mind is elsewhere. It’s always been elsewhere since Linden left.

I’m not really sure what possessed me to actually give Owen a chance. Loneliness, I guess. That’s kind of what my life has been boiled down to lately. Acute, aching, loneliness that breaks me on a daily basis. When Owen called the other day, telling me he never stopped thinking about me and that he wanted to make things right, I felt all my defenses cave. Sure he was the guy who cheated on me all those years ago, sure he was, at last look, a boring accountant who drank straight vodka. But I wanted, needed to have someone tell me they wanted me.

I need and want Linden. But that’s not what I have.

Instead, Linden lives in Manhattan, in a fancy apartment his parents got for him. At least, that’s where I assume he lives. I actually don’t know a thing about him anymore. I don’t even know if he’s a helicopter pilot or has gone into political science or schmoozing with high society or being a playboy like his older brother.

I haven’t talked to Linden since he left right before Christmas. It all happened so god damn fast. One minute we were screaming at each other and the next minute he was gone. It was like he took every broken part with him and now I’m left with nothing but just the outline where his love used to be.

Or where I thought his love used to be.

It’s the end of March. It’s warm and sunny in that nutty SF way. My online business is booming and I’m planning on closing the physical store once my lease in October is up. Things do look bright but I just can’t look at them that way. They used to look so much brighter.

My girlfriends, Kayla and Nicola, have been great, really supportive, but I feel like even they might be getting fed up with me. They tell me to forget about Linden, they tell me I’m hot and still young and that I could have the city in the palm of my hand.

It’s not true but I don’t care anyway. I just want what I had and what I can’t have anymore.

And I certainly don’t want Owen. But for selfish reasons, I’m glad I’m out with him. I was so tired of being alone. It really begins to get under your skin after a while. I’m all about independence, but a little close human contact – a little affection – is sometimes needed.

“Stephanie?” Owen asks and I look up at him. He’s got a receding hairline now and his ears have gotten elf-like. I think he’ll look like an aging Legolas when he’s fifty. He’s even wealthier these days, running his own accounting firm for many of the major businesses in Silicon Valley but to his credit, he hasn’t changed much.

“Sorry,” I quickly say. I finish chewing my broccoli, slowly, in an effort to buy more time, to think. “I’m glad you decided to get in touch.” There. That’s as diplomatic as they come. I may be lonely, but I don’t want to give him the impression that this anything more than it is.

He smiles, seemingly happy with that answer. “Good. It’s funny how life goes sometimes, isn’t it? Some people come and go and some go and come back.”

Yes. But not the ones you want.

Suddenly my phone rings from my purse. I normally wouldn’t answer it on a date but I’m not too worried about this one. That’s the one good thing about exes, they can be as comfortable as an old shoe. I pull it out, expecting to see a call from Nicola asking me how it is and if I need an escape plan, but it takes me a full second to register the number.

Speaking of exes - it’s James. I haven’t talked to James since December either. I couldn’t stomach it, not after I learned how he felt about me, not after I knew he was a catalyst. I lost both him and Linden at once.

I shoot Owen an apologetic look. “Sorry, I have to take this.” Because I do. Because James would never call me out of the blue unless it was important.

“Hello?” I answer it.

“Stephanie?” James says. “Have you seen the news?”

His voice is so dull and grave it sends chills down my spine. “What? No, sorry I’m out for dinner.”

“Okay,” he says and I expect him to let me go but he goes on. “I’m sorry to call you like this but you need to know. There’s been an accident.”

Thump. Thump. Thud. My heart falters and skips to a stop.