The Pact(40)

Or it could be something else. It could be regret. Her own regrets for me and for herself.

I know that’s wishful thinking, but that’s what I want to see.

I want her to realize we’re both not with the people we should be.

And if she already knows that, I want her to know it’s not too late.

Or is it?



***



The next morning we’re all greeted by piercing sunshine and the promise of a better day.

It had turned out more promising for me, especially when Nadine woke me up with a morning blow job to say she was sorry for the way she was acting the night before. It’s hard to say no to a good BJ and even harder to ignore a heartfelt apology. She hasn’t exactly been very forthcoming with them – we both have a lot of pride to contend with.

Unfortunately, though the fog has been whisked away and by noon the sun is blazing on the all mighty Pacific, the good vibes don’t last. Stephanie and Penny want to drive up to Gualala to get some groceries and I say I want to go with them. It’s a nice drive and I guess I’m a bit overprotective of the girls, even though I shouldn’t be.

Nadine doesn’t want to go and there begins the problem. She doesn’t want to go and by default thinks I shouldn’t go either.

“Why are you always wanting to be around her?” she asks, barely keep her voice to a hush as Steph and Penny head out the door.

“It’s not like that,” I tell her, ignoring the stab of guilt. It feels like its spearing my kidneys.

“You know most guys aren’t friends with girls like that.”

I narrow my eyes at her. “Like what, exactly?”

She stares at me for a beat and then looks away. “Nothing. Go, have fun.”

I get behind the wheel since I’m the one most used to driving James’s Suburban while Steph takes shotgun. Penny is in the back, her head hanging out the open window like a sun-happy dog.

There is a brief, shining moment where I look over at Stephanie and feel like it’s just her and I against the world. I can pretend that Penny isn’t even here. It’s just Steph’s beautiful face and those large, searching eyes as she takes in the rolling, wild hills around her. In another life, in a dream, I would have pulled the car over and fucked her in one of those fields, letting the feral coast take hold of us and bring all those hidden desires out into the open.

But this isn’t a dream and my fantasy has to stay just that.

We stay longer than we mean to in Gualala. There’s nothing to the town, just a bunch of buildings on either side of Highway One, but it possesses that quaint, tired, windswept quality that most hamlets on the coast do. We get enough groceries for a dinner, a breakfast and two lunches, plus all the beer and snack provisions, then poke around at the stores. Most are closed for the upcoming winter.

I barely ate breakfast considering all we had was a loaf of bread and some leftover butter so when Penny starts grumbling about how starved she is, we head into Bones’ Restaurant to get a quick bite of the smokiest brisket and drink a few beers. Even through dirty, salt-sprayed windows, the view over the houses and cliffs leading to the ocean is staggering and before we know it time is slipping through our fingers.

When we get back to the cottage I can tell the atmosphere has shifted a little. Though the bags of groceries and booze we plop down on the counter seem to satisfy Aaron, who digs into them like a ravenous squirrel, James and Nadine are pissed off.

“What took you so long?” James says. I thought he was talking to Penny but he’s actually looking at me.

“We had a bite to eat,” I explain with a shrug, not sure why he’s being so pissy. Is it because I had his girlfriend and his car?

“You could have called.” He’s squinting at me, like he thinks I’m lying.

“Okay, mum,” I tell him. “There was no reception out there. Jeez. We brought you food and drinks, how about you have some and chill the fuck out.”

He raises his hands and grabs a beer out of the box, as if he wasn’t acting irrational. “Just asking.”

Nadine, meanwhile, is silent, which is a terrifying thing. I know at any minute she’s going to blow. I also know it won’t happen while we’re around the others, so I also grab a beer and pull up a bar stool, planning to never leave this seat for as long as I live.

I put up with her silent treatment for the next hour while Aaron fries up some hot dogs for him and James but then I have to go to the bathroom. I’m two beers in and at the breaking point. I wait until I see Nadine talking to Penny outside on the patio, their faces turned to the sun, then I get up and go.

I can piss real quick. You learn that sort of thing when you grow up with a brother like Bram who would preen the hours away in the bathroom and torment you with the toilet plunger if you tried to get in the way.