The One For Me(46)

The taxi driver pulls over to the side of the road and parks. I glance up and see a small beach front house. It’s wooden, porch swing, sand everywhere. The view is a lot like Aaron’s Michelle’s house was like. I step out and look around. There are a row of houses down the street, volley ball nets, basketball goals, the normal family homes. I look at Dad’s house. A family won’t live here. At least not for a while.

“This way,” Dad says, walking past me toward the house. I take step behind him, my feet weighing down in the sand. Dad drops our suitcases and unlocks the door. It’s an open floor plan, lots of space. The floors are wooden, there are sliding glass doors that lead straight to the beach.

Dad disappears into a hallway to the right. I follow behind him, taking in the house as I go. “This will be your room when you ever come down,” Dad says, dropping my suitcase. I feel like he knows I don’t want to come down. In fact, I’m sure he knows that.

“It’s nice,” I say. It’s a nice queen bed, a TV, dresser and bathroom attached. But, it’s not comfy. It’s foreign.

He nods. “I’m going to get a shower, you can go check out the beach if you want to.” He doesn’t wait for me to say anything, he just leaves.

My phone buzzes and I dig it out of my pocket. My heart is racing, I half way expect to see Jen or Liam’s name on the screen, when Mom’s name pops up it disappoints me. “Hey, Mom,” I say, clearing my throat.

“You make it okay?” she asks.

“Yes, we did.”

“What’s wrong?”

I almost tell her. But I figure she has hurt enough. “Just tired. I’m going to take a nap, I think.”

“Okay, baby, just call me if you need…anything.”

“Okay.”

“Bye, babe.” I hang up the phone and shove it in my jeans pocket. I hear Dad’s shower running, so I walk out the sliding doors to the back porch. There are a few people walking down the beach, some holding hands others running. Sighing, I walk down, slipping out of my shoes. I wade through the cool sand and flop down on my back in a random spot. My body is gritty from the sand and my hair is tangled against it. I don’t care.

I close my eyes and picture my life before. My perfect life. My life where someone loved me, where everyone in my life loved me. It made so much more sense. It helped me through each day. Now, everything is gone to hell in a hand basket.

I grip the sand between my fingers. Liam’s face, pouring sand on my hair runs through my mind. He was so easy to give up on me, to not forgive me. It burns so much. How can he hate me so much? I apologized…my mind slowed down. I apologized just like my dad did to me and my mom. My mom seems to have forgiven my dad, easily, they separated but they’re nice to one another. Jen’s face when she told me I was self-centered and ungrateful was so...honest. Jen has always been honest with me.

Who am I to judge Liam for not forgiving me when I won’t forgive my dad? My stomach starts to hurt and I sit up. I look toward my dad’s beach house. My dad still loves me; I’ve known he still does. He still loves my mom, but he messed up. He fell out of love with her like Hayden did me. They will both move on with their lives. They will both find new people. They will both continue to love me like they always have.

I stand up in the sand and wipe my jeans off. I look back at the beach so peaceful. No wonder Liam spends all his time here relaxing and thinking. The beach brings out the good thoughts in everyone it seems like.

Dad is still in the shower when I get back to the house. I figure he is wallowing in his self pity, like me. That is probably where I got it from. I walk to the kitchen and start pulling out food. I can make dinner. I think.

When Dad walks out, I have the hamburger meat frying. “What are you doing, Katy?” he asks, drying off his wet hair.

“Making dinner,” I say matter of fact. “Are you not hungry?”

He blinks twice. “Um, yeah, but…never mind,” he says, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’m not complaining about someone cooking.”

He comes around and sits at the bar, staring at me. I know he wants to ask something but doesn’t know how to ask it.

“Look Dad,” I turn toward him, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to get so out of hand. I just…this sucks ya know? I’m used to coming home and seeing my dad every day. I’m used to having the normal parents, the normal family. The family that isn’t divorced. Now, I’m…Katy that has no boyfriend. Katy that doesn’t have any friends…Katy that doesn’t have two parents. It seems nothing is right anymore. Nothing makes any sense. It sucks. It sucks big time. I shouldn’t have said what I did to Beth. But, it felt so good, that I didn’t care. I’m sorry for that.” I bite my lip and look my dad in the eye. He is staring seriously at me.