The Man I Want to Be (Under Covers)(39)

It was time. Time to suck it up and own up to his past.

But first, he needed to be shit-faced so he wouldn't have to remember the look of horror on her face when he told her.



By the time he headed back to the room, Tyke was so drunk he barely  remembered the journey. He cradled his arm against his chest, groaning  each time he bashed it into something. Like the wall. Then the door.  Tyke pulled out his key card and tried to slide it into the lock.

He missed.

Tried again.

Nope.

And again.

Not that time.

Bending, he closed one eye and slowly glided the card toward the door.  It wobbled but finally landed where it needed to. The door clicked, the  sensor lit up green, so he turned the handle and entered their dark  hotel room.

Something must've jumped out in front of him, because he lost his  balance. "Shit." He stumbled a few steps, his body starting to tilt  forward. His hand landed on something soft, most likely the bed.  Turning, he sat and waited for the room to stop spinning.

It didn't.

"Kenna," he said in a loud whisper. "Kenna, you awake?"         

     



 

Silence came from her side of the bed.

His eyes finally adjusted to the dark, which allowed him to see the  outline of her sleeping body, facing the window. She was curled with the  blankets up to her neck. That red hair he loved was piled high on her  head again, making him want to reach over and pull the tie out to let  the strands fan over her pillow.

"Kenna?" he tried again. "Need to talk to you. Wake up."

Tyke scooted back, adjusting himself onto his side of the bed without  hurting his shoulder more in the process and rolled toward her.

"You awake yet?" He waited for a response.

All that came back was soft, steady breaths.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. "So sorry. You deserve better. And you're going  to get it. I promise." He reached down and started to unbutton his  shirt so it wouldn't be wrinkled for the wedding, but he couldn't get  his fingers to cooperate. He leaned to her ear. "You're so good. I love  you so much. But I'm no good for you. You need a real man. Not me."

He let out a long yawn. "Nothing like me. I'm no good."

And then he closed his eyes, rolled onto his good shoulder, and passed out.





Chapter Twenty


The sun felt hotter today. The temperature could've increased on the  island, or it could've been because Kenna was confused as hell, which  made her annoyed with everything around her.

He said he loved her. Loved her.

But that she deserved better.

Better how?

She wanted to ask him about it this morning, but when she woke up, his  side of the bed was empty. Which was when she called Aunt Estelle and  asked to meet her at the beach.

The two women lounged on beach chairs, gazing out from under an umbrella  at the glassy, blue water. A table full of food and drinks sat between  them, and was refilled by one of the hotel workers who knew her aunt by  name.

Kenna eyed Estelle, who seemed cheerful as she sipped her vodka water  and popped bits of fruit into her mouth. Estelle's free hand was draped  above her head on the chair, making the flowy sleeves of her colorful  cover-up billow loosely around her arms. She wore a black one-piece  bathing suit under the sheer fabric with matching black shades and sun  hat.

"You don't seem very upset about your brooch being stolen," Kenna said.

"Huh? What?" Estelle covered her mouth to cough up the small grape that  must have lodged in her throat. "Of course I'm upset. You know how much  that thing means to me."

"I do. Which is why I've been thinking," she said. "We should go back to security. There's this guy, Al. He-"

"Why? I thought Bryan was working his spy magic to find it."

"He's a DEA agent, not a spy." Then she caught herself. She didn't give a  crap if he was the president of the United States. What did it matter?  It didn't. He still couldn't find her mom's ring or Estelle's brooch. It  was useless. They'd all leave this island with a piece of themselves  snatched away and never returned. "He had a lot of leads but hasn't  found anything besides a bunch of dead ends."

"There's still time," Estelle said.

"Time?" Kenna almost laughed. "For what? The thief to get away? 'Cause right now, that's about all Bear has been good for."

Her aunt turned to her with one eyebrow lifted above her wide-rimmed sunglasses. "Really? That's all?"

Kenna fidgeted under Estelle's probing gaze. "Yes. Why do you say it like that?"

"Hun," she said and popped a small, round melon ball into her mouth.  Chewing, she said, "I've been at this game a hell of a long time, so  I've learned to recognize the glow of a woman who's been fully sexed up.  And you, my dear, have been more than sexed up." Estelle grinned,  wiping a small dribble of juice from the corner of her mouth. "He gave  it to you straight up, didn't he? Like a wild animal? The man's got  vigor, that much is evident."

Kenna sucked in a quick, seizure-inducing breath. "Aunt Estelle! He most  certainly did not give it to me straight up, sideways, or any other  direction. We're not having this conversation!"

Estelle shrugged. "Whatever you say."

Kenna crossed her arms and let her pout come out in full force. How was  her aunt able to read that so effortlessly? Did everyone else figure it  out, too? Oh God. Was everyone talking about the fact that she and Bear  were back together? That when this week was over, they might give it  another go?

That was most definitely not happening. She wasn't trusting him with her  heart ever again. And she wasn't going through the embarrassment of  pining away for him again.         

     



 

She glanced at her aunt's calculated smirk. "Whatever you're thinking, get it out of your mind right now."

"What?" Estelle said, still grinning like the Cheshire cat. "I'm not thinkin' nothin'."

"You are. I can see it on your face. Stop it."

"There might be somethin' there. He might've changed. Any man-even the  slow ones-can improve after more than a decade." She tipped her chin up  and in a proud voice, she said, "Kenna, men are like fine wine-"

She flashed a palm. "No infamous Estelle Vavrino analogies needed."

"Okay, but let me add that men aren't good with fragile things," Estelle  said. "Them and their big, dumb hands. Always fumblin' everything."

"Exactly," Kenna said. "That's what I'm saying. Bear-"

The playfulness in Estelle's features dimmed and was replaced with  something much more serious. It was an expression Kenna hadn't seen on  her aunt's face before.

She didn't want Estelle saying something to make her soften. She didn't  want some wise piece of advice to induce her to forgive Bear. She  couldn't. It would hurt too much.

"Hun," Estelle said through a sigh.

"Don't take his side," she snapped. "Don't you dare take his side."

Aunt Estelle's eyes hardened. "Watch your tone with me, young lady. You  wanna beat up that man who loves you, you go right ahead. But you won't  treat me that way." She paused to narrow her eyes. "He did finally tell  you he loves you, right?"

Kenna slumped back in her chair and harrumphed. "He came in drunk last night and said it."

"Huh. I figured he'd pickled himself so bad he'd be useless." Estelle  let out a small chuckle. "Always nice to be wrong for the right  reasons." She turned to Kenna. "So? What did you say back?"

"Nothing. I pretended to be asleep."

The older woman sat up, facing Kenna with her bare feet planted in the sand. "Why the hell would you do that?"

"First of all, he was drunk," she said. "I wasn't going to have that  conversation with someone who wouldn't remember half of it later. Plus, I  was still pissed at him. He hurt me, Aunt Estelle. Bad. I can't just-"

"You can," she said, reaching across for Kenna's hand. "You can let it go. In fact, you need to."

This was the one person Kenna thought would understand. How many men had  Kenna seen come and go in her aunt's life? None of them staying very  long before Estelle was done with one and moving on to the next. Aunt  Estelle knew how stupid and untrustworthy men could be.

She spun on her chair so fast, it was a wonder she didn't topple onto  the sand. Meeting Kenna's stare, Estelle said, "Don't be like me. Don't  let days, months, or years pass without sharing yourself with someone.  One special man. Don't wake up my age and wish you'd done something  sooner. You get one chance at doing this right. I don't wanna see you  end up like me."

"But … but you're fantastic." Kenna couldn't believe what she was hearing.  She'd be honored to end up like the woman in front of her when she was  old and gray. "You're funny. Off the wall. Spontaneous. Strong-willed."

"And lonely." Estelle gave a forced, half-hearted smile. "I'm lonely,  hun. And I'll be that way until the good Lord calls me home. Don't  follow in my footsteps. Forgive that man and give him your heart. All of  it. Love him and let him love you back. Life's too damn short to be  angry forever."