The Lover Beneath Me(63)

“Come on Addie, let’s get you upstairs,” I said as I held out my hand, hoping she’d take it. She looked up and stared at me, her bottom lip quivering.

“I’m done with lying down. I wouldn’t mind walking round the house for now,” she said quietly as she passed me and headed upstairs, but instead of our bedroom, she turned and headed to the baby’s room. I followed her, dreading each step.

“I lost the baby,” she whispered as she sobbed softly. She stood in the middle of our baby’s room and looked around to all that I destroyed.

“Fuck,” I muttered, knowing that tone of hers. “Don’t you dare feel guilty of anything. I can’t fucking bear it. This is not your fault. It’s all mine. It’s all my fault,” I shouted vehemently.

“It’s not your fault either.” She continued to sob. “It’s Hugh’s. He chose to do this. He did this—”

“Don’t you dare say that piece of shit’s name in this our home!”

“Daimon…”

“You should leave me, Addie. Now that you don’t have any ties with me, you should run the fuck away from me,” I barked at her.

“What? No! I lost our baby. I’m not going to lose you too. We can still have our family; we can still have our future. You’re my family and I love you too much,” she said gut wrenchingly.

“Addie, listen to me, please. I’m begging you, please leave me, save yourself from me,” I said coldly as I watched her. Addie ran to me and began pounding my chest, her fists hitting hard.

“Stop pushing me away. Just stop!” She kept beating me. “I’m not going anywhere, don’t you understand?”

“No, it’s you who doesn’t understand!” I said forcefully as I grabbed onto her hands and held them tightly. “I can’t live my life knowing I robbed the happiness of the only woman I’ve ever loved.” My body shook uncontrollably as I spoke.

“Then don’t. Stay with me. You can’t leave me, too. I need you. We need each other,” Addie cried out.

“Listen to me, Addie. What we had was a fleeting moment, two broken people who needed each other. Now you don’t need to stay. You have money. I’ll even give you more. Just run, Addie, run, leave,” I begged.

“A fleeting moment?” she whispered, her face changing.

“Yes, a momentary romance. It’s over, now go.” I pushed her to the side, turning my back to her. Addie started hitting me from behind.

“You coward, you fucking coward!” she kept saying. “I hate you. I fucking hate you!” I let my head fall back, letting her take out her pain and hurt onto me. I wanted her to mean the words she spoke, but I knew she didn’t. Fuck! The look I thought she would have, the loathing I thought would be there wasn’t. She was hurt and wanted me to make it all go away. “I know you’re trying to push me away, but I’m not leaving. Do you hear me? I’m not leaving,” she cried out. I closed my eyes as hard tears stung them. My body slumped in defeat.

“Why can’t you for once listen to me and just leave? Why must you always do what you like?” I spoke in a tortured voice, the words scorching my throat as I spoke.

“I love you. I hate you and I love you,” she said through her soft cries. Her tiny fists gradually stopped hitting me and she dropped to the ground, falling onto her knees.

“Addie, fuck.” I knelt down taking her face into my hands and pushing her hair off her face. Her tears were falling down freely as she looked up at me through swimming tears.

“I never once blamed you.” Her quiet words made me ache as she brought her hand to my face, caressing me. My resolve thoroughly broke as I closed my eyes again, letting her warmth permeate through me. Her soft lips found mine as she kissed me. Our aching kiss was mixed with the salty taste of our tears. Kissing her back cautiously, scared I might hurt her again, but the moment I opened my mouth and my tongue tasted her, I was lost; lost in the fucking world that was me and my Addie.

“Addie,” I breathed as I pulled away from her. “I’m so fucking sorry.” She opened her eyes, searching my face as she leaned in and kissed me again. “I can’t do this, Addie,” I said as I pushed her back softly, knowing she wanted more but I was unable to give her what she needed.

“I need you, Daimon, please,” she begged as she cried silently.

“Addie—” my words were cut off with her gentle mouth as she continued to kiss me.

I gave into Addie that night; I let my guard down knowing this was our way to reconnect, to soothe our broken hearts from the loss of our baby. I felt her soft body as we made love, her warm heat as it encircled my length. Addie and I both cried as we sought out each other’s bodies; it was slow and deliberate. Being with Addie was a salve alleviating the terrible pain that had rooted itself inside me.