The Lover Beneath Me(55)

“You just don’t want a complication. You don't want to deal with it, or me,” she shot back, turning to face me. Tears streamed down her stunning face. I was such a motherfucker.

“Addie, I'm no good at this,” I finally said as I stepped closer to her.

“You’re good at making me feel like shit,” she said as she walked away.

“I know. I’m sorry. Addie, just look at me,” I pleaded. When she didn't, I turned her around and pinned her onto the window. I peered down at her, my heart torn to pieces by her silent tears. “Addie, fuck, I'm going to fuck this up. I'm not made to be a dad. Look at my parents. I have a selfish prick for a father and a drunken, pill popping mother. What fucking role model am I supposed to take after? I can't hurt an innocent kid, Addie, I'm no good. Don’t you understand?” I blinked a few times, not realizing I was crying.

“Daimon, you'll be a great father, one who will be protective and fierce toward his child. I wouldn't want anyone else but you to be the father of my children. I'd want them to be musical like you, and have your sky blue eyes. You might not even love me as much as the baby,” she said softly as she reached up to my face and held it in her hands. She used her thumbs to wipe the few tears that fell.

“I’d want them to have your strength and your loving heart, and I would kill for the baby to have your hazel eyes,” I said in a hushed voice. I knelt down and hugged Addie by the waist. I closed my eyes, hoping to God she was right. “You're wrong you know,” I said as I held her.

“About what?”

“About everything,” I murmured into her belly. There would be no way I'd love her less, if anything, I'd love my Addie more.





Being A Father


I was sitting in my office, still reeling from our news. I leaned back on to my office chair, my head falling back as I looked up to the ceiling. Pregnant. It was still pretty early, not even three months. The doctor said Addie had to take it easy but remain active. It would be beneficial for the baby if she ran as she did before. The moment the doctor said that, I wanted to stuff my shoe in his mouth. Motherfucker. As if I would be okay with Addie running on the pier pregnant, but sure enough, my Addie smiled and was happy as she agreed. I remember my leg shook nervously as the doctor kept talking about the various appointments she had to take. Watching, Addie reached over and put her hand over my knee to still me. “It’s going to be okay,” were her whispered words to me. That was this morning after we left her doctor’s office. It’s going to be okay. I kept repeating her soft words to myself.

My day was done, but I didn’t want to go home just yet. I couldn’t face Addie and claim to be her man if I couldn’t deal with all this on my own. I parked my car in front of Darren’s bar. Being friends doesn’t only mean the good times; it means the bad ones too. Jace’s stupid comment had stuck with me. Fuck it. I stepped out of my car and headed inside.

“Long time no see,” Pete, Darren’s bouncer said to me.

“Yeah, long time,” I muttered back as I continued inside. I walked through the crowd and saw Darren nursing his drink. Sitting next to him, Darren looked to the side, and once he saw me, he waved down Jace, who looked somewhat surprised to see me.

“Get the gentleman his usual,” he told Jace.

“Sure thing, boss.”

“So what brings you here?” Darren said as he lifted his lowball glass and sipped his whiskey.

“A drink with a friend,” I muttered.

“I hear things finally worked out with you two. Addie seems happy,” Darren said, looking start ahead to his bar.

“We both are,” I corrected.

“That’s nice,” Darren murmured.

“She’s pregnant,” I choked out. Fuck, I didn’t realize how much I missed and needed my friend.

“You can’t be serious.” Darren turned his head his eyes wide, looking at me in disbelief.

“I'm going to be a father. Addie is carrying my kid,” I said nervously.

“Fuck me,” Darren whispered.

“Yeah, I know, right?” I murmured.

“She loves you, man. You’re going to be fine,” Darren said reassuringly, but I could tell it was tearing him up inside.

“You would have been better for her,” I admitted.

“That’s not entirely true. I would have been healthier, but not better. She sought you out, man; even when she claimed to hate you. She always wanted you,” Darren said bitterly.

“I love her,” I stated.

“I know,” Darren noted. “I'm glad you came, and I'm happy you told me about Addie. But I'm going to need time. I get it now. I finally do.” Darren swirled around his drink and took the last swig.