The Love Triangle(8)

“At least she’s not with him. She’s at the hotel, with a nurse.”



“Don’t go see her,” Evelyn said, not looking up.



“Even as friends it wouldn’t be wrong for me to check in on her, make sure she’s okay.” Evelyn looked up at me and raised her eyebrows. Her hair was in a messy bun on top of her head, and when she looked like that, looked at me like that, she looked just like Mom used to when I was younger and I was in trouble. Where I did miss out on growing up?



“There’s nothing platonic about what you and Grace had. Not once were you just friends and you can’t be friends now. You’re making a mistake, if you go see her now it’s all going to start over again and more people are going to get hurt.”



I turned my back to her, rubbed my eyes with my thumb and forefinger. Maybe I wanted it all to start over again. Maybe I never wanted it to end.



“She’s not going to change,” Evelyn said again. “She’s either going to remember or not remember, but memory loss doesn’t change your personality. Not like that. And for a while it might be fine, and she might love you back and everything, and then she’ll end up choosing Elijah all over again.”



Her words hit me like a physical punch and I glared at her, angry because she brought up the one thing that hurt. And because she was probably right.



“What? Don’t look at me that way, you know what I’m saying is right. That’s why you didn’t fall right into her arms when you found out she couldn’t remember. Don’t be an idiot, Justin. You’re just going to go down the same spiral again.”



I sighed and nodded. I sat down on the floor next to her, hands on my knees.



“Where do you want me to start?” I asked. She shook her head and gave a half-smile, one corner of her mouth drawn up the way that Graham used to do it. I wondered how it was possible that she did what he used to do easier than what Mom and Dad used to do. Did the person you ended up with influence you that much? Who had I become after Grace?



“Get out of here,” she said with a smile. “I know you’re going to go see her no matter what I say, so you might as well get going. You’re just slowing me down talking about it all in circles like you haven’t made up your mind yet.”



I opened my mouth to protest but she held up her hand.



“I’m your older sister, Justin. I know you. Now go on, get.”



I hugged her before I got up. When I walked out of the shop, I glanced at my watch. When I’d phoned Grace earlier to find out where she was, I asked if I could come over. She was reluctant but she’d told me eight. That was enough for me. It was ten minutes to eight.



I pulled into the parking bay in the street in front of Orange House and put my cowboy hat on the seat next to me. When I got out I looked up. It was still light, the sun set a lot later in the summer, but the sun was creeping toward the horizon and it was going to be a beautiful sunset. I walked through the lobby and to the elevator, riding it to the second floor.



I paused in front of the door, and ran my fingers through my hair, pulling it together and pulling it through a hair band. I knew I didn’t look great. I still wore my dirty jeans, and my sleeveless shirt. But this was how she knew me. This was who I was.



I knocked on the door. A moment later, a woman opened it wearing a light grey dress that had no shape, with sensible black shoes. Her hair was pulled into ponytail and she looked annoyed.



“Your visitor’s here,” she called over her shoulder without speaking to me.



“Thank you, Claudia. You can go on out if you like, I’ll be okay.”



Claudia the nurse looked me up and down like she wasn’t sure I would be able to make sure Grace was okay, but then she nodded. She backed into the room and found a coat and a purse before she left. I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me.



Grace sat on her bed with pillows propped up behind her. The last time I’d seen her, the bandages around her head had been severe and her eye had looked terrible. The bandages were replaced by a square bandage and the bruise was a lot lighter, greenish-blue the way old bruises were. When she saw me she smiled.



“Hey,” I said, sitting down on the opposite bed. She looked like she was unhappy with my choice, but she didn’t say anything. “How are you feeling?”



“Better,” she said, forcing a smile.



“Really?” she nodded, but then her smile drained and she looked down at her hands.



“The doctor said I lost about six months. It’s not supposed to be such a big deal. But I’m confused. I don’t know who I am. I’m not supposed to feel so disorientated.”



I leaned forward and took her hand. She looked at the contact before she looked up at me.



“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” I said. “It’s been a hell of an accident. Even if you were lucky to lose so little, it’s still pretty traumatic.”



She nodded. “The doctor said so too. I just feel like I don’t know anything anymore. Nothing is the way I remember it. It’s suddenly scorching hot, all the deadlines I’d made for myself are over. Elijah is everywhere.” She swallowed hard. “You’re nowhere.”



I took a deep breath and I didn’t know where to start.



“Who ended it?” she asked.



“What?”



She looked up at me and her dark eyes were dark and liquid, the way it looked when she was close to tears.



“Our relationship. From all of this, the only thing I can seem to figure out is that you and I aren’t together anymore.”



It was my turn to look down. I let go of her hand again and laced my own fingers through each other, elbows on my knees.



“You ended it,” I said. “You had to choose one of us eventually, and you did.”



She was quiet for long enough that I looked up at her. She was looking toward the window where the curtains weren’t drawn. The sky was a burst of tangerine, pink toward the bottom of the window. I sighed. How long had I fought for a place in her life? Since the day I met Grace I’d known I wanted to be with her. She was one of those women you just couldn’t get enough of. She had an energy about her that never seemed to run out. Even now, when she looked unsure and despondent, there was something about her that I ached to make mine.



“I don’t understand,” she finally said. “What happened?”



Everything, I wanted to say. You chose the wrong guy. You ended up with someone that wants to change everything about who you are, break it until it fits his own mold. But I didn’t say that. Instead I said, “We just had differences we couldn’t figure out.” Differences like Elijah being a mean bastard.



“But what happened? Tell me, I really want to know.”



I shook my head. “I can’t do that. If I tell you, you might just hate me all over again.” I said the last bit with a half-cocked smile, trying to make light of it. But she didn’t smile back. Her eyes stayed serious, big and drowning deep.



“I don’t hate you,” she said so softly it was almost a whisper. “I don’t hate you at all. I miss you. I know this is supposed to be what my life is like now, but I miss you. I want you. I don’t remember not having you.”



I got up and moved to her bed. Her legs were outstretched and I sat on the edge with my hand on her thigh.



“Whatever happened between us, I want you to know that I still care about you. And if you need anything, any help, I’ll always be there.”



She nodded and chuckled without emotion. “Why does that sound like you don’t feel the same about me as I feel about you?”



Damn, if she even understood how wrong that was. I yearned for her. I was still trying to get over the fact that she hadn’t chosen me, never mind trying to get over her. She looked up at me again, and tears had welled up into her eyes. She blinked and they spilled onto her cheeks.



“I don’t know what’s going on anymore,” she said.



“Grace, baby,” I said and put my hand on her cheek, wiping a tear away with my thumb. I couldn’t deal with her crying. Even if it wasn’t my fault. She leaned forward, into me, and I wrapped my arm around her body, pulling her into me. She buried her face in my shoulder. It fit like she was made for me, and it was a physical pain to know that she wasn’t mine anymore.



“Please don’t go,” she said, so softly I could almost not hear it. But I heard. She looked up at me, her face so close to mine. Her eyes slid down to my lips, and before I could even think about it, she leaned into me and kissed me.



Time froze. The room around me melted away until it was just me and her in an alternate reality where I was the one that she wanted to be with. I didn’t move for a moment, too scared to break the spell, fighting with my head. This was a mistake. A terrible mistake. Nothing was certain and even though she couldn’t remember, she’d told Elijah she wanted him, and he would be back.



He wouldn’t just let her go.



She moved her lips against mine, put her hands on my cheeks, and I let go. I kissed her back, cupping her cheeks, mirroring what she was doing to me. She made small whimpering sounds against my lips and opened her mouth, opening mine with it. I slid my tongue into her mouth. It was so familiar. The taste of her, the feel of her lips on mine, her hands on my cheeks. The way she sucked in breath through her nose and held it for a couple of seconds before she breathed it out again in a sigh.