The Love Sucks Club(91)

“Does everyone have to have a label in your world, Dana?”

“Pretty much,” I say, grinning.

Roxanne rolls her eyes. “Dana is very much into the butch and femme thing. She considers herself an old school butch.”

“What’s that mean?” Olivia asks.

“Oh you know. She holds open the car door, makes sure to get to the door to an establishment first so she can open it, takes a woman’s coat or sweater, and pays for everything.”

“Hmm.” Olivia looks up at Sam.

“Hey, don’t look at me. I’m new school.”

Everyone on our side of the bathroom laughs. Mandy and Jackie still seem to be having an argument, but I can’t hear a word they’re saying. Squeezing Roxanne, I rest my head on her shoulder. She presses her cheek against my face. “So, what do you think, Roxanne?”

“I already told you what I think,” she says.

“I thought maybe you had changed your mind.”

“I think you still need some time to heal,” she replies.

“That’s probably true.”

Leaning my head back against the wall, I listen to the screaming sounds of the storm against my house. Roxanne drifts off with her head on my shoulder. Aware that Esmé is squeezing my toe, I look up at her and smile.

“How are you faring?”

She smiles. “I’ll survive. I’m sorry for the things I said about Roxanne. She’s really a stellar woman.”

“She is.”

“Are you two a couple now?”

“No, we’re not.”

“There’s not a chance of anything happening with us, is there?” Esmé asks, though she’s already smiling a little sadly, and I know she knows how I’m going to answer.

“We’ll always have a bond because of Fran.”

“I still feel like I failed her. Like, if only I could have been better for her, she would have stayed and gotten better and lived.”

“The only thing that I’ve learned for sure, Esmé, is that we can’t ever change anyone.”

She laughs. “We can only change ourselves.”

“And that takes a shitload of effort.”

We both laugh. Maneuvering a bit, I manage to reach down toward my feet and squeeze her hand. Leaning my head back against the wall, I give in to the heaviness that’s filling my head.

Startled, I open my eyes, aware that I had been sleeping. There’s only one battery powered lamp on now in the bathroom. In the dim glow, I see that everyone has managed to squeeze onto a spot on the floor. Looking at Karen and Rick sitting on the floor next to the toilet, I send up a small prayer of thanks that I had the house cleaned right before the storm. Jackie and Mandy are mashed together next to the tub, with their legs draped over Rick’s. Esmé is still perched on the sink, wide awake. Meeting her eyes, I smile, and she raises her hand toward me, palm forward. Susannah and Thomas are both asleep, propped up against my laundry hamper. Olivia and Sam are snoozing next to me. Roxanne is still pressed up against my chest and my right arm has gone to sleep. Frank is sound asleep across her lap and she has her hands twined into his coat. Looking over her shoulder, I blert softly at him. He lifts his head to blink slowly at me. Aware that the storm has passed, I start to work on maneuvering myself out from behind Roxanne. She wakes as I push her gently forward. As she stretches her legs out, I hear loud popping from both of her knees.

“The thrill of getting old,” she says.

“Oh yeah, check this out.” I straighten both arms over my head, causing my shoulders to pop.

“Ew.”

“I know.”

Sam opens her eyes. “What are you two jabbering about?”

“Storm is over,” I tell her.

After setting Frank down on top of Susannah, Roxanne is able to get to her feet. She takes my hand and hauls me up. Squeezing around the bodies on the floor, I open the bathroom door. Roxanne follows me out. We haven’t even made it down the hallway and I can see the damage. There are pieces of debris all over the floor. Giant holes in the roof along the hallway spill beams of light in random spots. Poking my head back into the bathroom, I catch Sam’s eye.

“If you come out, shut the door. I don’t want the animals out here,” I say, softly.

Backing back out of the room, I brace myself. Roxanne takes my hand as we walk down the hall together. The floor is damp, even all the way back here. When we get to the kitchen, I see why. The entire roof over the kitchen and dining room has blown off. The partition between this area and the living room has been wrenched off the track. All of the furniture has been knocked over or blown across the room. There are nails and screws everywhere. A piece of jagged wood is stuck through the kitchen window, and there is shattered glass everywhere. Glancing past the now broken partition toward the deck, I see that the entire roof and the glass wall of the living room is smashed to bits. Picking my way over the shards of wood and glass, I glance down at Roxanne’s feet. She’s wearing heavy duty shoes. She catches me checking and smiles. “It isn’t my first rodeo,” she says.