The Love Sucks Club(36)

“What?”

Smiling, she lets go of one of my hands, and kisses it. “You’re in a very vulnerable place right now.”

“I’m in a very aroused place right now.”

She laughs, throwing her head back and I’m tempted to put my lips to her throat. Before I can decide, she lowers her head to look at me again. “I’m not denying the temptation. I just think that now would be a bad time to give into it.”

“Who was it that said something about the only way to resist temptation?”

“We’re not giving into it. I care about you. You’re a dear friend and I’m here for you when you need me. I’m just not doing this.”

“Sometimes lovemaking is a beautiful expression of affection between two people who care about each other. It doesn’t have to be anything more than that.”

“I agree. Trust me. At my age, I’ve had my share of intimate encounters with dear friends that were never meant to be anything other than a beautiful night of lovemaking. I just don’t think you’re in the right place for that.”

“Well, where the hell am I?”

Unfazed, she smiles again. “You need to figure that out on your own.”

“Some help you are,” I pout, though I’m smiling.

“Listen Dana. You told me that you killed Fran. Since we both know that isn’t true, you need to work on why you still have so much guilt over something that happened so many years ago. You need to figure out what Esmé wants. And you might want to work out what’s going on with your ex before she does something drastic like kill you.”

“Well, that sounds easy enough. I’ll make a list and start checking things off.”

“In the meantime, it might not be a bad idea for you to think about seeing someone.”

Affronted, I try to make a joke of it. “I thought I might start seeing you.”

“Our age difference alone would be a problem. Our attitude difference would cement the doom.”

“Well, you sound as pessimistic and bitter as I do.”

She laughs. “You’re a good woman, Dana. You just need to do a little soul cleaning.”

“Maybe I should join a commune.”

Standing, she leans down to kiss me on the forehead. “Maybe that’s a good idea.”

I stand to give her a hug and she wraps her arms tightly around my waist. Holding her, it occurs to me that this hug feels more intimate than anything that happened in the last several years with my ex. Roxanne’s thin arms feel solid around my waist and her face fits perfectly against my neck. Breathing against the top of her head, I’m tempted again to try to take her to bed. It wouldn’t be a bad fit to be with Rox. I mean, yes, she is a lot older than I am, but she’s vibrant and active. She’s happy and optimistic and she keeps an incredible garden. Between her organic gardening and my incredible cooking, we’d be set for food. We could live here overlooking the water and rent out her little house. She could retire for real and spend her days with the garden and her creative tasks. She loves Frank, so there’s another bonus. The entirety of our life together rushes through my mind and in a heartbeat, I almost ask her to marry me. Reality stops me before I make a fool of myself. One kiss doesn’t make a relationship. I swear, I’m starting to sound like a stereotypical lesbian. “No U-Haul,” I mutter under my breath.

Leaning back to look at me, Roxanne smiles, her eyes crinkling up at the corners. “Never. I’m so past that point in my life.”

“Besides which, a U-Haul would never make it up this road.”

Laughing, she gives me another squeeze. “I’m going home. Walk me to the door and get some work done. You’ll feel better.”

“Tell me what to do about everything,” I implore.

She takes my hand and walks me to the front door. “I don’t know what to tell you, Dana. I think you should get back into meditating, but I’m worried about the visions.”

“Me too. It seems that whenever I let my guard down, they creep back in.”

“Maybe you should go to a meditation group. Get help from a professional guide.”

“Maybe,” I answer flatly.

“Call me later,” she says, stretching up to kiss me once more on the tip of my nose.

Touching her cheek, I smile at her, happy that she’s in my life. “I will.”

I open the door to let her out and we both stop, staring at the enormous tent that is erected in my front yard. Gaping at the monstrosity, I’m trying to wrap my mind around it. Turning to look at Roxanne, I manage to ask, “Is there a giant purple tent in my yard?”