The Intern Blues(110)
Sunday, March 9, 1986
It was seventy degrees today—really spring. We spent the day out on the grass in front of the apartment building. Sarah loved it. She got a chance to toddle around and see some of the other children. It was a really nice day.
Things on the ward are okay. I’m still getting along well with Ben. He’s just great, the best resident I’ve ever worked with. He’s got good judgment, he knows what’s important and what isn’t, and he’s got a good sense of humor.
But the other team is having a lot of trouble. Because Ben knows when to send patients home and Dina doesn’t, they now have almost all of the patients on the ward. And to make matters worse, the interns are finding it very stressful to work with Dina. Laura’s doing okay; she’s a very good intern and she doesn’t have to rely on anybody for much help. But Margaret isn’t as secure about herself and she’s having a very hard time with Dina. On morning rounds on Friday, Margaret completely fell apart. She started crying, saying she couldn’t go on. She refused to work up a patient. She wound up spending a few hours in the chief residents’ office. She just needs more help than Dina can give her. I think there’s also a lot of other things going on in her life now. But that’s true of all of us, isn’t it?
The chiefs decided that they had to get Margaret out of the hospital for a few days. How nice of them! She’s stressed, so they give her the weekend off. My daughter gets the measles and is sicker than most of the patients who come to the emergency room but I still have to work! That’s typical! Oh, what’s the use? What’s the use of talking about it and thinking about it over and over again?
Anyway, Margaret got to go home Friday afternoon and didn’t have to come in for her call on Saturday. She’s got a great medical student, Susan, who’s running the service for her. Susan took Margaret’s call on Saturday and did a good job. She did as well as a lot of the interns. I wish I had a student like that. I haven’t had a good student all year. All my students have ever done is complain. They don’t want to do scut, they don’t want to run to the labs, all they want to do is stand around and be spoon-fed information twenty-four hours a day. Susan isn’t like that; she’s willing to work. A student like Susan can make internship a whole lot easier.
Actually, having a good student doesn’t matter for me right now. I’ve still been having great luck on call. I’ve gotten only one or two admissions per night. I left yesterday with only three patients, and one of those is probably going to go home tomorrow. That’ll leave me with only my AIDS patient, who’s really just a social hold, and one of the preemie growers I picked up when I started. Neither of them requires any real work. I should be able to leave tomorrow right after work rounds. I’m planning to go home at ten o’clock in the morning! It’s amazing!
Saturday, March 15, 1986
I just finished putting Sarah to sleep. This is my weekend off. It’s been a strange week. Work’s fine, there’s no problem there. But Larry got called away on business on Monday. He’s in Switzerland and he’ll probably be gone all next week. It’s been hard for me. I’ve had no relief in taking care of Sarah at night. Usually, when I’m post-call, Larry handles her 3:00 A.M. wake-up; usually I don’t even hear her cry. But on Wednesday it was all me, and I was tired. I don’t know how I got through it.
We got Marie to stay over on the nights I don’t come home. She wasn’t very happy about doing it and it’s costing us an arm and a leg, but what else could I do? Someone has to be with Sarah; I can’t take her to the hospital with me. I’ll be happy when Larry gets back. His being away like this makes me realize how much I depend on him!
I haven’t been feeling very well, either. I’ve been very tired. And I’ve lost my appetite. I think I’ve just made it to the point in the year where I’m simply exhausted all the time. I know a lot of the other interns have gotten to this point already; I’m surprised it’s taken me this long to get here. And being tired sure isn’t making it easier to take care of Sarah by myself!
My luck has been holding: I got two admissions last night; and when I was on this past Tuesday, I didn’t get any. But that doesn’t mean I’ve been getting a lot of sleep. The other team’s been getting killed on their on-call nights. They’ve got a lot of patients, and some of them are really sick. So I still wind up staying up, doing scut on their patients all night long. More IVs fall out on 6A than anyplace else I’ve ever worked. I don’t know what it is about that ward! Some of the other interns say the nurses actually pull the IVs out, but I don’t believe it; to pull out an IV would mean the nurses were actually touching the patients. So far I haven’t seen one come that close.