The Institute, Daddy Issues(37)
But I shouldn’t feel like this, I argued with myself. It’s wrong…dangerous. It feels great now but you’re not a kid anymore, Andi. This is going to lead to other things if you’re not very, very careful.
Though I knew it was true, I still couldn’t move away. Still arguing with myself over my new and disturbing feelings for my partner, I finally drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
Chapter Six
“So who is this Dr. Newhouse, do you think?” I muttered to Salt as we sat on the bench outside her private office. It was down the long hallway I had noticed earlier and it was the only door I saw there—so much for finding a hidden Please lab.
“Dr. Newhouse is eminent psychologist with many accolades to her name,” Salt answered promptly.
“I don’t care how freaking ‘eminent’ she is, I just can’t believe we have to be psychoanalyzed again,” I grumbled. I was still stinging from Professor Stevens’ opinion that sending me to the Institute was like throwing a lamb to the wolves. I didn’t need to hear the same thing from someone else. I looked up at my partner. “How do you know so much about her, anyway?”
He gave me an arch look.
“Easy. I looked her up while you were still sleeping.”
“Yeah, you did a lot of things while I was sleeping.” I looked down at the new little girl dress Salt had procured for me at the costume shop. He’d gotten me new shoes as well—little girl sandals with shiny gold straps that matched the dress and gave my toes plenty of room to breathe.
I hated the whole outfit but I didn’t feel like I had much right to complain. Salt had let me sleep in and had even brought me up a breakfast tray along with the new clothes. It was very sweet of him but I wanted to tell him to stop cutting me slack. I was an adult, Goddamnit, even if I was dressed like a nine year old—I could carry my own weight on this case.
“Are you upset I did not wake you?” Salt raised an eyebrow at me. “Or because you do not like outfit I picked for you?” He himself, of course, was dressed in another expensive suit with a crisp white shirt and a dark blue tie that brought out his eyes. I found myself irritated all over again that he got to dress like an adult while I was relegated to stupid, childish dresses.
“Both.” I sighed. “Look, Salt, you know I appreciate everything you did for me. This morning and…and last night.” We still hadn’t discussed my mini-breakdown the night before and I was hoping we never would. I preferred to try and forget about it. “But I’m just never going to like dressing like this.” I stroked the silky fabric of the dress again—it was white lace embroidered all over with innocent pink rosebuds. Ugh.
“I am sorry you do not like,” Salt said. “It was the best I could find.”
“In this age range, maybe,” I said. “But what about older? Did they have anything like that?”
“You mean like ‘slutty school girl’ uniform?” Salt’s face darkened. “I thought we decided this is not for you, Andi.”
“You mean you decided,” I said accusingly. Salt had point-blank refused to let me put on the other outfit I had brought with me. He’d said that it was important that I keep playing the age I had started at. And though I didn’t completely agree, he was so adamant about it that I had reluctantly put on the new white dress and followed him to our appointment with Dr. Newhouse.
“Is better this way,” Salt said. “For many reasons.”
“For your reasons, maybe,” I said. “But I hate this, Salt! Playing this age is really messing with my head. You saw what happened to me last night—I haven’t had a nightmare like that in years.”
Salt sighed. “Forgive me. It’s just…I like you this age. Not for sexual reasons,” he said hastily. “But because you are softer…easier to reach somehow.”
“Weaker,” I said darkly. “More vulnerable. Is that what you want? For me to be vulnerable for you? To be a helpless little girl you can dominate and control?”