The Husband's Secret(50)

            Gets us. Not gets me.

            Her mother and aunt were still talking, oblivious of the fact that Tess wasn’t contributing a word.

            Lucy had slapped her hand over her eyes. “This isn’t some wonderful love story, Mary!” She removed her hand and shook her head in disgust at her sister as if she were the worst kind of criminal. “What’s wrong with you? Truly, what’s wrong with you? Tess and Will are married. And have you forgotten there is an actual, real child involved? My grandson?”

            “But you see, they’re just so desperate to somehow make it right,” said Mary to Tess. “They both love you so much.”

            “That’s nice,” said Tess.

            Over the last ten years Will had never once complained about the fact that Felicity spent so much time with them. Perhaps that had been a sign. A sign that Tess wasn’t enough for him. What ordinary husband would be prepared to have his wife’s fat cousin come along on their annual summer holiday? Unless he was in love with her. Tess was a fool not to have seen it. She’d enjoyed watching Will and Felicity banter and argue and tease each other. She’d never felt excluded. Everything was better, sharper, funnier, edgier, when Felicity was around. Tess felt like she was more herself when Felicity was around, because Felicity knew her better than anyone. Felicity let Tess shine. Felicity laughed the loudest at Tess’s jokes. She helped define and shape Tess’s personality, so that Will could see Tess as she truly was.

            And Tess felt prettier when Felicity was around.

            She pressed cold fingertips to her burning cheeks. It was shameful but true. She had never felt repelled by Felicity’s obesity, but she had felt particularly slim and lithe when she stood next to her.

            And yet, nothing changed in Tess’s mind when Felicity lost weight. It had not occurred to her that Will would ever look at Felicity in a sexual way. She was so sure of her position in their strange little threesome. Tess was at the apex of the triangle. Will loved her best. Felicity loved her best. How very self-centered of her.

            “Tess?” said Mary.

            “Let’s talk about something else.” Tess put her hand on her aunt’s arm.

            Two fat tears slid snail paths down Mary’s pink, powdery cheeks. Tess had the oddest feeling that she was looking at her properly for the first time, as if she’d never even bothered to meet Mary’s eyes before. Was it possible that Tess had never really thought of her mother and aunt as people, except in relation to her? Whenever she and Felicity were with their mothers, they let their thirty-five-year-old bodies slouch, they became offhand and chatty, full of the confidence that comes from being adored. Their mothers fussed and clucked while Tess and Felicity generously told them what life was like out in the real world. But now Tess and Lucy and Mary were just three women sitting around a table, grappling with this absurd, sad situation.

            Mary dabbed at her face with a crumpled tissue. “Phil didn’t want me to come. He said I’d do more harm than good, but I just thought I could find a way to make it all right. I spent all morning looking at photos of you and Felicity when you were growing up. The fun you two had together! That’s the worst of this. I can’t bear it if you become estranged from each other.”

            Tess patted her aunt’s arm. Her own eyes felt dry and clear. Her heart was clenched like a fist.

            “I think you might have to bear it,” she said.





ELEVEN


            You’re not seriously expecting me to go to a Tupperware party,” Rachel had said to Marla when she asked her a few weeks back while they were having coffee.

            “You’re my best friend.” Marla stirred sugar into her soy decaf cappuccino.

            “My daughter was murdered,” said Rachel. “That gives me a permanent ‘get out of party’ card for the rest of my life.”