The Forsyte Saga Volume 2(145)

‘Very well,’ said Michael, ‘I’ll put the state of the country instead. In the House I suppose I rise to a point of order. And in the Lobby to a point of disorder, probably. I wonder what the Evening Sun will say?’

The Evening Sun, which Michael bought on his way to the House, gave him a leader, headed: ‘Foggartism again,’ beginning as follows: ‘Young Hopeful, in the person of the Member for Mid-Bucks, roused the laughter of the House yesterday by his championship of the insane policy called Foggartism, to which we have already alluded in these columns’; and so on for twenty lines of vivid disparagement. Michael gave it to the doorkeeper.

In the House, after noting that MacGown was present, he rose at the first possible moment.

‘Mr Speaker, I rise to correct a statement in yesterday’s debate reflecting on my personal honour. The honourable member for Greengow, in his speech said –’ He then read the paragraph from Hansard. ‘It is true that I was a member of the firm which published Sir James Foggart’s book in August, 1923, but I retired from all connexion with that firm in October, 1923, before ever I entered this House. I have therefore no pecuniary or other interest whatever in pressing the claims of the book, beyond my great desire to see its principles adopted.’

He sat down to some applause; and Sir Alexander MacGown rose. Michael recognized the face with the unpolitical expression he had noticed during his speech.

‘I believe,’ he said, ‘that the honourable Member for Mid-Bucks was not sufficiently interested in his own speech to be present when I made my reply to it yesterday. I cannot admit that my words bear the construction which he has put on them. I said, and I still say, that one of the publishers of a book must necessarily be interested in having the judgement which induced him to publish it vindicated by the public. The Honourable Member has placed on his head a cap which I did not intend for it.’ His face came round toward Michael, grim, red, provocative.

Michael rose again.

‘I am glad the honourable Member has removed a construction which others besides myself had put on his words.’

A few minutes later, with a certain unanimity, both left the House.

The papers not infrequently contain accounts of how Mr Swash, the honourable Member for Topcliffe, called Mr Buckler, the honourable Member for Tooting, something unparliamentary. (‘Order!’) And of how Mr Buckler retorted that Mr Swash was something worse. (‘Hear, hear!’ and ‘Order!’) And of how Mr Swash waved his fists (uproar), and Mr Buckler threw himself upon the Chair, or threw some papers (‘Order! order! order!’) And of how there was great confusion, and Mr Swash, or Mr Buckler, was suspended, and led vociferous out of the Mother of Parliaments by the Serjeant-at-Arms, with other edifying details. The little affair between Michael and Sir Alexander went off in other wise. With an instinct of common decency, they both made for the lavatory; nor till they reached those marble halls did either take the slightest notice of the other. In front of a roller towel Michael said:

‘Now, sir, perhaps you’ll tell me why you behaved like a dirty dog. You knew perfectly well the construction that would be placed on your words.’

Sir Alexander turned from a hair-brush.

‘Take that!’ he said, and gave Michael a swinging box on the ear. Staggering, Michael came up wildly with his right, and caught Sir Alexander on the nose. Their movements then became intensive. Michael was limber, Sir Alexander stocky; neither was over proficient with his fists. The affair was cut short by the honourable Member for Wasbaston, who had been in retirement. Coming hastily out of a door, he received simultaneously a black eye, and a blow on the diaphragm, which caused him to collapse. The speaker, now, was the Member for Wasbaston, in language stronger than those who knew the honourable gentleman would have supposed possible.

‘I’m frightfully sorry, sir,’ said Michael. ‘It’s always the innocent party who comes off worst.’

‘I’ll dam’ well have you both suspended,’ gasped the Member for Wasbaston.

Michael grinned, and Sir Alexander said: ‘To hell!’

‘You’re a couple of brawling cads!’ said the Member for Wasbaston. ‘How the devil am I to speak this afternoon?’

‘If you went in bandaged’, said Michael, dabbing the damaged eye with cold water, ‘and apologized for a motor accident, you would get a special hearing, and a good Press. Shall I take the silver lining out of my tie for a bandage?’

‘Leave my eye alone,’ bellowed the Member for Wasbaston, ‘and get out, before I lose my temper!’