The Forget-Me-Not Sonata(150)

Alicia watched them. She wouldn’t have recognized love if it had slapped her around the face, but she knew then that she cared desperately for Florien. Suddenly in those few moments when the bride and groom exchanged vows to love one another until death parted them, Alicia realized that her feelings hadn’t been solely about sex and possession. Yes, she had desired him and yes, she hadn’t wanted anyone else to have him. But she felt something more powerful and uncontrollable than desire. Feeling sicker than ever and a little lost she sunk into the wooden bench and bowed her head. She had never believed he would go through with it.

After the wedding Alicia left for London without saying goodbye to her sister and her new husband. She couldn’t stomach it. She called one of her rich lovers as soon as she arrived and after dinner passed a feverish night in his bed, trying to prove to herself that Florien didn’t matter.

Florien settled happily into married life but the shadow of Alicia lingered in the corners to remind him of his betrayal and his lust which had never completely died. Leonora had been hurt that Alicia hadn’t said goodbye and was saddened that for some reason she hadn’t come down to Dorset to see them. But she never said a word against her. She made excuses and laughed off her sister’s carelessness. Florien wondered how generous she’d be if she knew of Alicia’s betrayal. He didn’t have the heart or the will to tell her, even though confessing would have made him feel better.

When Florien was on the point of despairing that his obsession with Alicia would never abate, Leonora fell pregnant. He relished her growing belly and the bounce in her step that conveyed her happiness. He grew protective. Worried that her work in the garden might damage their child he forbade her to carry anything that weighed more than a chicken. Audrey began to knit baby bootees from her mother’s own patterns that she sent her and Rose, after having vowed never to knit again after the war, made an exception for Leonora and started clicking those needles once more. Grace put her hand on her sister’s stomach and foretold the birth of a little boy. No one doubted her, so the bootees were knitted in blue.

When Audrey told Alicia the news she fumed for a week before she could muster up the courage to drive down to Dorset to congratulate her sister. She arrived at her aunt’s house and made her way around the back to the field where Leonora’s immaculately kept caravan stood, a picture of pastoral simplicity. To her surprise she wasn’t met by Leonora but by Florien who was busy weaving a Moses basket for his baby. He was so engrossed in his work that he didn’t notice her until she was almost upon him, casting a cold shadow across the grass. He looked up and his face suddenly flushed crimson. ‘I came to see Leo,’ she said crisply. ‘Where is she?’

‘At your parents’ house,’ he replied, blinking up at her in bewilderment.

‘I suppose I should congratulate you too. How did you do it?’ She looked down at him loftily.

‘What?’

‘Were you thinking of me when you made love to her?’

Florien put his tools down and stood up, astonished by her sudden outburst.

‘Go back to London and take your bitterness with you,’ he said.

‘Perhaps I’ll go to Mummy’s house and tell them all about our secret rendezvous last summer. Or would that ruin your happy marriage?’

‘What do you want, Alicia?’ His question startled her, because she didn’t really know.

‘I thought you wanted to have your cake and eat it,’ she retorted defensively, her face softening into a sly smile. ‘You haven’t forgotten what it feels like to make love to me, have you?’ She was pleased to see a spark of desire glimmer in his eyes like the dormant embers of a fire.

‘I’m very happy with Leonora. You and I were over a long time ago.’

‘But you still dream about me.’ Florien was disarmed by the sudden change in her tone. She was right, he did still dream about her. He often awoke in the early hours of the morning drenched in sweat and self-loathing that he could allow this monstrous woman to possess him like she did.

Florien shook his head and sat down again. Picking up his tools he began to work on the basket. ‘I think you should go,’ he said quietly, without looking up at her. ‘You’ve outstayed your welcome.’

‘I’ll be back,’ she said with a giggle and she walked back down the field aware that his eyes were on her and the glimmer in them was brighter than ever.

In March Leonora and Florien moved into Aunt Cicely’s house for the caravan was too cold and cramped for the mother-to-be and there was no telephone in case she went into labour in the middle of the night. Aunt Cicely’s house wasn’t much warmer but at least it was larger and all their meals were cooked for them. Cecil had managed to persuade them to rent one of Aunt Cicely’s cottages once the baby arrived. ‘A caravan is no place to bring up a child,’ he had said. Leonora had been disappointed until her mother had suggested she put the caravan in the garden for the child to use as a playhouse. ‘Grace adores the little house Cecil made for her,’ she added.