The Fixed Trilogy(Fixed on You, Found in You, Forever With You)(278)

A wave of optimism burst through me, so tangible and fierce that my whole chest felt on fire. “Then touch me more, H. Come home.”

He raised a brow and his expression carried the same air of hope that I felt. “And you’ll let the past lie?”

With everything in me I wanted to say yes. Yes, I’ll live with it. Whatever it is. I’d find a way. I’d said that before, and I’d thought I meant it. But I’d been talking desperate. I couldn’t live with it. There was no possible way.

Besides, I respected myself more than that. I respected our relationship more than that. Even if it meant losing him, I had to stand my ground on this. “No. I can’t let it lie. But you can tell me what it is you’re hiding.”

With a shake of his head, he dismissed it.

There we were again—at our impasse. “We might as well be broken up, Hudson, if you can’t believe that I’d love you beyond whatever this secret is.”

And if we truly couldn’t get past this, why were we even taking time apart? Weren’t we just postponing the inevitable?

It wasn’t something I could face. Not yet. Maybe the time apart was to help make that idea more bearable.

Apparently, Hudson felt the same way. “Let’s not do this here.”

“Let’s not.” Let’s not do this at all. Let’s go back to where we were three days ago, lost and alone in the mountains. Happy and glowing, as Mira put it.

If there were anything I’d ever wished for more, I didn’t know what it was.

But wishing wouldn’t get us through the next hour. I stood up and paced the room. “Okay. We’ll go in there. We’ll smile. We’ll hold hands. We’ll be happy and glowing. And Mira will never know the lie.”

“Yes,” Hudson said. “Thank you.”

“What if she asks what our problem was?”

“She won’t.”

I wasn’t so sure and the expression I shot him said exactly that.

“If she does ask, let me handle it.”

“Yes, I’ll do that.” The venom I was trying to bite back slipped past my lips. “You are the master manipulator, after all.”

He stared at me with sad eyes. I’d meant to hurt him, and it worked. But he didn’t argue, didn’t defend himself. He wouldn’t even fight with me. Wouldn’t fight for me.

It’s not the place, I reminded myself. The reminder didn’t change the hollow ache in my chest. I knew his indifference extended beyond the walls of the hospital.

Hudson stood. “Are you ready to go back?” He shoved his hands in his pockets, obviously keeping them from my reach.

Fucking asshole.

I didn’t let him know how much his simple gesture felt like a knife in the gut. “You think she’ll believe this was long enough?”

“Yes.” He moved to the door and held it open for me. “If we convince her that all is well, then she won’t focus on the timespan in the least. She’ll have no reason to question what we’re selling.” He was so clinical about it. So proficient about the steps of pulling off a scheme.

And why wouldn’t he be? “Tips from the expert,” I said as I passed him.

“You’re very good at lashing out, precious. It’s interesting that I’m just learning this now.” He was behind me, and he said it quietly, but I heard him all the same.

I held on to his endearment—precious—like it was gold. Like it was the last drop of water in a desert. Like it was a beacon in a dark storm. He couldn’t still call me that and not feel something for me. Could he?

We hurried back to Mira’s room, not speaking or looking at each other. Outside her door, Hudson paused. His hand hung at his side now. I placed mine in it automatically, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Because it was that natural. The way it fit so snugly, so perfectly in his. As if we’d been made to lace our fingers in just that way.

He looked down at where we were joined, studying our hands for long seconds. There was sadness and yearning in his tone when he spoke. “Your hand fits so well in mine, doesn’t it? Like it belongs.”

I had to turn my head in order to fight the tears. He was so in sync with me. Why, why, why were we apart?

“I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” he said. “I apologize. Can you still do this?”

Forcing a smile on my face, I turned back to him. “Yep.”

“Showtime, then.” Hudson led us in, entering with much more zeal than he had earlier. “We’re back.” He headed straight for his sister, placing a sweet kiss on her forehead. “And everything’s fine.”

He was such an excellent liar. I’d known he had to be. I’d seen him pretend to his family about me before. Then I’d convinced myself that his acting was so good because he’d actually felt something for me. Seeing Hudson now, so easily falling into the charade—it stung. How much of the past had been a lie as well?