The Education of Sebastian & the Education of Caroline(19)

“Now your turn,” I said.

A quizzical expression crossed his face. Then a look of understanding as I sat up and kneeled across him. I leaned down to kiss him as his hands snaked around my back, pulling me toward him. He moaned against my mouth, and I pushed myself upright again.

This time I raised my hips and used my hands to guide him inside me. Slowly, I sank down onto him, my eyes closed; I heard him gasp.

At last I could feel every inch of him inside. I took his hands and pressed them against my belly.

“Can you feel yourself inside me?”

His face was filled with amazement.

“Yes,” he whispered. “I can.”

I leaned forward again, my hands resting on his chest, moving my hips up and down in a steady rhythm. He pushed his head back into the pillow, his mouth open, absorbing the new sensation. I felt his body flexing into mine, pushing himself deep inside me.

He began to move faster, more confidently, more desperately, and I let the feeling carry me with him.

I opened my eyes to find his locked on mine, almost feral in their intensity. I moved faster, meeting each movement he made, grinding down as he squeezed his eyes shut, his hands locked over mine. He came quietly as his body quivered inside me. I fell forward onto his chest, breathless and relieved.

We lay peacefully for a few minutes, and I listened to the sound of his heart, slowing to its normal rhythm. Then I slid off him and lay on my back. I think I was smiling.

I felt the bed move, and I opened one eye; he was leaning on his elbow looking down at me.

“Hi,” I said, almost shyly. “You okay?”

He nodded solemnly. “That was … that was…”

“Yes, it was.”

I stroked his cheek, and his eyes closed with a sigh. Then he turned his lips toward my hand and kissed the palm. The unexpected, intimate gesture took me by surprise.

“I love you, Caroline. I always have. My whole life.”

I smothered a delighted laugh.

“That’s a very long time,” I teased him. “You’re only 18—your whole life isn’t that much, really.”

He smiled. “It feels like it sometimes. Anyway, I’m not 18 for another four months; I’ll let you know then.”

As I processed his words, cold shock rushed through me, and a look of abject horror etched itself on my face.

“What?” I couldn’t believe the words he’d just said.

He looked at me, puzzled.

“You … you’re only seventeen?”

He nodded, his expression anxious.

“For God’s sake, Sebastian! Seventeen?”

Shit! Shit! Shit!

He looked at me nervously. “What’s the matter?”

I threw my arm over my eyes, unable to look at him. What had I done? What the fuck had I done?

“Please, Caroline. You’re scaring me.”

I took a deep breath and turned to glare at him, needing to take my sudden panic and anger out on him.

“The matter, Sebastian, is that you’re a minor. What we’ve just done … what I’ve just done … it’s against the law. It’s a felony, for God’s sake!”

“But I love you.”

I wanted to scream.

“Sebastian: it’s statutory rape! Do you know what that means? I could go to prison. If anyone found out…”

“I won’t tell anyone. I love…”

“Don’t say it! Do not say it!” I shouted the words and he flinched.

I ran to the bathroom, afraid I was going to be sick. I held my hand over my mouth as dry heaves raked me. Tears sprang to my eyes, and I felt him hovering uncertainly behind me.

“Caroline, please.”

I held my hand out like a traffic cop, stopping him from coming any closer.

What had I done?

The words echoed emptily.

“Please!” His voice was begging, desperate, but I couldn’t look at him.

My skin felt icy-cold then hot with shame, as a torrent of emotion engulfed me. I staggered to the bathroom door, plucked my robe off the hook and wrapped it around me, as if the thin material could hide my crime.

I tried to push past him to the bedroom, but he blocked my way.

“Oh, God, please, Caroline!” and he tried to pull me to him.

“No!”

I made it as far as the bed before my knees gave way and I sat down, gasping.

“What have I done? What have I done?”

I hid my head in my hands and tried to fight the rising panic.

I knew he was watching me but I couldn’t look. Silently, he sat down next to me.

“I’m not sorry,” he whispered. “That was the best experience of my whole life. I love you; I can’t help it.”

And he pulled me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me, taking care of me, soothing me.

Slowly the shock wore off, and finally I was able to sit up, pushing his arms away.