The Duke’s Shotgun Wedding(28)

Regret flooded through her, as it dawned what she had done by sending that invitation. No wonder he was furious. “Oh, husband, I am so sorry. If I’d known—”

“I had planned on explaining everything to you tonight. I realized what an ass I have been for not speaking to you as I tried to come to grips with how you make me feel. It was wrong, and I’m sorry for that.”

She blinked, her heart stalling with dread. “H-how do I make you feel?”

“Be silent and listen, Jocelyn.” He nipped at her lips. “You came into my life and completely turned it upside down, when all I wanted was a biddable wife to give me an heir.”

All the hope she’d felt a moment ago fled in an instant, and a noise of anguish escaped her throat.

He didn’t love her. He would get her with child, and then he would banish her, just as he’d threatened. Oh, God, what had she done?

…

Sebastian cursed as Jocelyn stiffened, her muscles tightening, sending shards of pleasure running along his cock, still buried deep inside her. Then she squirmed, attempting to climb off him and get away.

“Be still!” he rasped, his fingers digging into her hips.

“No! I—”

He gave her a shake. “Just listen, damn you!”

He groaned as she wriggled, settling closer on his lap, loving the rush of liquid heat from her, telling him how much she wanted him.

But he needed to finish this conversation before giving in to the arousal. He gripped her hips and gently eased her off him. He grunted at the sensations that travelled through him as her tight clasp reluctantly released him. He tucked himself back into his trousers and drew her down on his lap. He held her chin gently and titled her face up to meet his gaze.

She froze, her eyes questioning, and he went on before she could move. “When you stormed my library, so fearless and demanding, I knew immediately. It was you I wanted, not some vapid miss without a thought in her head.”

He felt her rigid muscles relax a little.

“Truthfully, never did I expect you to enthrall me as you have. The days I spent with you only carried me further and further into my feelings for you, and I began to fear your lure. I withdrew, uncomfortable with the intensity of my emotions. The last time I felt anything close to this, I fought a duel over a married woman…whom society still believes I murdered.”

“Oh!” Her uncertain gaze shifted to disconcerted.

“But what I feel for you is wholly different. You make me burn with life, and yearn to set aside my cold and distant, solitary ways.”

“Oh, Sebastian.” Her eyes softened with love, and she tenderly kissed his face and his lips.

“I am not finished, Jocelyn,” he murmured between kisses. “We will not have this conversation again, so I implore you to be attentive.”

She gave him a radiant smile and stilled.

“I had already decided to break the silence with my mother after reading a series of her journals. I may not fully understand what she did, but I can empathize with her plight, and the agony she felt over her decisions. But reaching out to her was something I wanted to do on my own terms.”

Jocelyn lowered her eyes, toying with the buttons of his shirt. “Can you ever forgive me? I—”

“I know you are not repentant, Jocelyn,” he said wryly.

Her contrite expression melted into a mischievous smile, and Sebastian embraced the notion that for some mysterious reason, her disobedience no longer bothered him.

“When you foray into society as my duchess you will hear many things whispered, and I do not want you to be ambushed. Marissa was my lover both before and after she was married. In a bid to force my hand, she accepted the offer from an earl, hoping that jealously would bring me up to scratch. It did not.”

He grimaced. He had been determined never to marry. Ironically, that had led him into exactly the same situation for which he’d always condemned his mother. He just hadn’t seen that until now.

“I foolishly continued the affair,” he went on. “Marissa wanted me badly enough that she told me lies of her husband’s brutal beatings, hoping I would call him out and kill him.” He swallowed, hating the memories of that time. “As proof, she showed me horrible bruises, which I later learned were self-inflicted. And I fell for it. I challenged her husband to a duel, which he accepted eagerly.” Sebastian traced a finger over the scar on his cheek. “He gave me this, and I almost killed him.”

Jocelyn’s eyes were wide with dismay. “That’s awful,” she murmured.

“As he lay wounded and cursing, I realized he believed it was me abusing his wife so viciously. She’d been lying to both of us. I confronted her, and she confessed she’d done it to be free to wed me. She implored me to actually kill him so we could be together. Of course I wouldn’t, and ended our association. She threatened to kill herself because she loved me so desperately. When I ignored her threats, she later hanged herself. Then the foul rumors surfaced that I strangled her.”